Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Zombie apocalypse? I need a shotgun

If it's not the Mayans trying to kill us, it's the zombies.

After a few reports of people "eating" other people (or children in one case), the idea of a zombie apocalypse coming has been picking up steam, so much so that one gun magazine has started a spin-off magazine detailing all you're going to need to survive the oncoming onslaught of zombies.

Now, before I go further, let me remind everyone that the incidents reported do not necessarily mean that people are becoming zombies and we're all going to die.  In a couple of cases, people were extremely high off of bath salts (not calgone either), which caused a crazed state of mind.  This is NOT an indication of a problem with zombies, just a problem with stupid people, which is a battle that's been fought since humans appeared on the planet.

In any case, one of the more popular things to look up is how to survive the zombies when they do come.  Video games and movies have been offering up scenarios and solutions for years (Wikipedia lists the first zombie movie back in 1919), the recent craze has caused people to contemplate again what would happen if zombies attacked.

Zombies have traditionally been portrayed as slow, lumbering creatures that just continue to come after you until you fill their heads with enough bullets or chop off the head entirely (although sometimes movies and games take liberty with this rule if you fill the body up with enough bullets).  It seems impossible that normal people could get caught by the creatures, often leading to insults hurled at the screen as the "victims" continuously get caught by the slow-moving zombies.

George Romero's movies in the mid 80's are notorious for this type of zombie, usually surrounding a cabin in the middle of nowhere filled with teenagers doing things their parents probably don't approve of.

Lately though, movies and games have been using much faster, more agile zombies.  Movies such as "28 Days Later" have used Zombies that can move very quickly, thus making them much more terrifying.  Wikipedia has "I Am Legend" listed as a zombie movie, but I'm not sure if it counts.  If it does, then we have a zombie movie where the zombies not only are frightenly quick, but learn and adapt to what the regular people are doing.  Videogames have also been utilizing faster and more hostile zombies in recent games as well, adding a new level of fear to the player.

So if a zombie apocalypse is to occur how do we know what to prepare for?  Do we prepare for the slow-moving, lumbering zombie?  Do we prepare for the insanely fast zombie?  Or is it some kind of hybrid of the two?

The problem lies in the fact that zombies are generally one of those creatures of myth.  We see them in movies and games, but outside of that, they've only existed in stories without any concrete proof.  Movies and games are based upon conjecture and the imaginations of movie and game designers.  There is very little scientific fact to go on.

If it's as simple as getting a shotgun and blowing the head off of a zombie, then weapons experts should have no problem surviving.  If it isn't that simple, then who knows if anyone would stand much of a chance of surviving.

Which brings me to the various methods I've heard people talk about using to survive.  I'm going to list them, the advantages, and the downfalls.

Climbing up in a tree: Sure, it gets you off the ground and if you have a tree house with a nice load of supplies, you could survive a while.  Just hope you don't have to go the bathroom frequently.  Also, you could be in trouble if it turns out that birds can be infected.

The boathouse method: It's widely assumed that zombies can't swim.  Therefore, finding a boathouse and loading it up with supplies seems like a good bet.  Just don't run out of supplies.  Or run into aquatic life zombies.

Holing up in a house: The downfall of most zombie movies, as long as they can't bust into the house, this is a pretty safe idea.  Again, supplies would be the biggest issue.  Anything that requires you to leave the house jeopardizes your ability to be safe.  That and zombie pets.

Running and gunning: If they're the slow-moving zombies, grabbing some guns, some ammunition, and running around town killing every zombie in sight seems like a fun alternative to waiting for them to come to you.  Just don't find yourself surrounded and out of ammo.  That could be bad.

Just keep driving: Getting in a car and driving seems like a nice idea, unless you run out of gas.  Best to keep a few guns at your side for the trip and you should be fine.  Unless you do actually run out of gas and can't find a gas station that has any gas left. Or that isn't surrounded by zombies.

Hide in a bunker: Grab as many supplies as you can, as many magazines and books as you can find, and duck down into a bunker and wait.  They can't get in to get you and with any luck, the zombie threat will have dwindled by the time you climb out of the hole looking for supplies.  The downside?  Zombie gophers.

There are many more survival theories floating around on the internet, but in the long run it's going to come down to having enough supplies to survive the onslaught.  That and it seems like in video games the biggest threat isn't the zombies themselves, but the other people fighting for the limited supplies available.

So if the zombies start coming, you better have a good plan and a lot of luck on your side.

Oh, and a shotgun probably wouldn't hurt to have either.

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