Before I get into my yearly Christmas list, let me start by putting in my two cents worth on the NBA, the Browns, and the Indians.
First, I'll be the first to admit that there is a chance I will watch some NBA games this year. Will I be following as closely as I have in the past? No. I will keep up with what's going on with the Cavs, but I will not be glued to the tv. For one, I'm tired of the NBA. I'm tired of the players controlling the league the way they have the last several years and tired of superstars "demanding" trades because they want to play under brighter lights.
I will also sit and say that I'm glad that Dan Gilbert owns the Cavs. Sure, he comes across as whiny, but given what his franchise has endured, I'll take a passionate owner who wants things to get better for small market teams than an owner who virtually disappears.
As for those who "demand" the Indians be more active in free agency this winter, have you seen the list of free agents? It's not exactly causing teams to stumble over themselves for a majority of the players. Sure, Prince Fielder is still out there, but anyone who thinks the Indians are going to tie up their payroll on Fielder is out of their mind. The Indians aren't going to make a big splash in free agency, mostly because it seems like 76% of the players are represented by Scott Boras, who has made it clear he only "allows" his clients to sign with larger markets for insane contracts. In short, when Boras is involved, all the teams except for the Dodgers, Red Sox, Yankees, and Mets are pretty eliminated from the get-go unless another team grossly overpays for his player.
The Indians are always going to be a team that has to get it absolutely 100% right and have everything break their way to make the playoffs. So everyone who wants to complain about the lack of activity, blame it on the lack of quality free agents and a market that eliminates teams like the Indians before they even can make an offer.
Finally, and maybe I'll make all of these "wants" for my Christmas list, I'm tired of the media and Browns "fans" crying. If you don't like Colt McCoy, great. But you can't tell me he's been given a fair situation. All year he's run for his life, had no running game, and when he is accurate, his receivers drop the ball. So yes, he does have room to improve, but he could also use better blocking, better running backs, and receivers who hold on to the ball. He hasn't had that much of the year so I don't think it's fair to throw him out because you don't like him, which is what it seems to come down to.
In any case, it's become frustrating to listen to sports talk more and more over the last several months so before I start my list, let me say there's a reason that none of us who listen to sports talk or host sports talk are actually general managers in professional sports. As much as we "claim" to know, we actually know very little and would be like deer in headlights if we actually tried to run a team.
Now then, on to the actual list.
Dammit.
Each year I write up a list of things I'd like for Christmas. Some are real, some aren't so it's up to you to figure out what is and isn't.
It really shouldn't be that difficult.
Dear Santa,
Each year I write you a list and publish it for everyone to see. Each year, you come up woefully short. Every following year, I chastise you for your shortcomings and am convinced there's some sort of issue, whether it be elf labor problems, product shortages, or simple ineptness on your part. Each year, nothing changes, so I've decided to take a slightly different route when it comes to debating why you fail to come through.
In all fairness, I don't really remember what I wrote last year. Or the year before that. Hell, I have no idea how long I've been doing this, although I do know it's been at least 5 years now. The very first one was written back in 2006 in fact. The problem is I never write them in the same blog. The first couple were on Myspace, which of course fell off the wagon once Facebook came along, which was where the next few were. I also think I skipped a year.
I'm not sure. Apparently the first thing I should ask for is better memory, or take a vitamin that helps with that since I never seem to be able to remember much anymore and it's caused more than one dispute with my girlfriend, friends, and family.
And now I'm totally off point.
I've decided that the problem, Santa, is that you're overbooked and understaffed. Now, I realize economic times have been tough and everyone's cutting back, but this has been the case for years now. Either you were way ahead of the curve in anticipation of the recession, or you've always been a cheap bastard, but in any case you might want to consider hiring extra elves to help get your toys together.
I also am willing to concede that in recent years, the toys have become much more elaborate and since you build all your toys, maybe it's taking longer as your elves have to learn how to build anything from a Baby Alive to an Xbox 360, which is quite complicated. No longer are you building simple wooden horses and jack in the boxes. No, now you have action figures which have more complicated assemply instructions than military-grade weapons.
Maybe there's a different issue. Maybe all these companies who create these toys fail to give you accurate instructions on how to build their products. Or maybe they're charging such a high building fee that you've been forced to reduce your labor force in exchange for the right to build the toys.
Or maybe you've experienced a work stoppage similar to the NFL and NBA. Were your superstar elves demanding bigger paychecks even though you were experiencing revenue declines? Did you hold firm against those underappreciative elves, or did you follow the NBA and give in to the whiny little bastards? We're all curious to know what the end result was Santa.
Whatever it is, it's time for you to figure this out. I'm sure Microsoft has no problem shipping a bunch of Xbox's worldwide with a "from Santa" tag on them for a nominal fee that would likely be cheaper than trying to build them yourself. Then you could reallocate some of your elf labor to other areas that they are much better suited for.
Just a suggestion.
In the meantime, here's my wishlist for 2011.
* A pony - well, why not?
* A laptop - after what happened with my computer hard drive, I think it's time to reinvest in a laptop. Maybe I'll even have sound this time!
* A nuclear sub - There's no substitute for a nuclear sub. Torpedos aren't necessary, but it would be nice. I hear they're kind of pricey.
* A tropical island - I like snow, but really, who could complain about a tropical island?
* The following Xbox 360 games: Halo: Anniversary, Gears of War 3, Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 2 and 3 and Black Ops (I know, I'm way behind).
* A Wii and following games: Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby's Return to Dream Land, Mario Kart, and the new Donkey Kong, which really isn't new anymore.
* A space shuttle - I want to travel in style after all
* Memory pills - seriously, I can't remember half the shit, er stuff I was going to ask for now
* A tank - I seriously doubt anyone would piss me off if I showed up in a tank
* A lifetime supply of Gatorade - must...get...off...of...pop
* My own train - sometimes you just want to ride the train
* New beaters - if you saw how ragged some of mine have become, you'd understand this one
* New shirts - ever since Rachel showed me the virtues of wearing smaller-fitting shirts, I'm hooked. Just need more now!
* More work clothes - it's just nice to have more than 5 shirts and 1 pair of pants. Sad, I know
* A reindeer - totally stolen from Rachel and it's shameless, but the more I think about it the cooler it seems.
* A grenade launcher - bet no one will piss me off if I had one of those.
* A rocket launcher - in case someone does try to piss me off despite the grenade launcher
* A Blu-Ray player - cause, you know, netflix in HD isn't enough for me
* A Playstation 3 - which you could give instead of the Blu-Ray player since it comes with one
* A new pair of rollerblades - my current pair is slowly deconstructing themselves. This past summer, one strap fell off and I'm sure more are to follow.
* A bigger HDTV - It's a guy thing. What can I say?
* World peace and domination - Although I'll probably defer command to Rachel since she's smarter than me.
* A puppy - they're just so damn cute
* A few rats - they make better pets than most would realize
* A partridge, but not in a pear tree - didn't make sense to me but I wrote it anyway
* Happiness for friends and family - seriously, everyone's been through enough shit already
* My older sister to contract smallpox - sounds mean, but she deserves it, trust me
I think that about sums it up. I'm sure there's much more, but in reality, I'm past the age where I "want" things. I'm at the point where what matters most is that my family is well and happy, and yes, that includes Rachel and Payton.
Too much this time of year people worry so much about presents and how much they need to get people when the truth is, most of us should be happy to be functioning, healthy, and capable of living ordinary lives.
Sincerely,
David "Jerkface" Kreal
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