Back on 10/22/12, I wrote this piece about what I was thinking about once I realized I was going to be a dad for the first time. It was an exciting, yet scary time for me personally, but has been one hell of a ride since her birth.
Now that Kylie is approaching 2 years old, Rachel came up with a great idea to revisit this post and respond to some of the things I had written. Sections of the original post will appear in this entry in italics, while my responses will be in bold.
I hope you enjoy this look back at how I originally felt and how I see things now.
I don't want that same experience for my future kid (or kids). I don't want them to grow up and wonder the same things I wondered. I always envisioned myself being a better father to my kids than my dad was towards me. I want for them what I missed, what I wished I would have experienced.
This is still something I strive for. There are so many "what-ifs" revolving around my childhood experience, and while there will always be missed opportunities, I want to keep those to a minimum with Kylie and Payton.
I can't overstate how awesome it is to have a girlfriend in Rachel who loves football and baseball though. Guys, always appreciate it when you find a girl like that because there are certainly a number of them out there who could care less about sports in general.
This is no joke. It's always easier to be in a relationship when both of you have similar interests. Hell, she even sits and watches the Cavs with me. That type of thing goes a long way.
I don't want my child to have to do that. I want him/her to relish the moments we have, grow up and know that I'm there when they need me to be, but also to push the way my mom tried to push us. I want my child to fondly remember his/her childhood moments, not possibly be the plot behind some made-for-tv special about child abuse and drugs.
I admittedly probably enjoy this last line a lot more than I should, but it's still true.
Why all this gibber gabber? Rachel is pregnant and expecting her second child and my first. We were trying to wait to make an official announcement, but the cat's out of the bag and I can now openly write about what will be first experience in fatherhood.
What are my emotions? I'm excited, I'm happy, I'm anxious, and even a little scared. This is as unknown a territory as a person can possibly enter. Sure, there are thousands of books, online articles, and other sources of information on being a parent. There's the expertise of Rachel, who has three years experience now. Yet you never really know what to expect. Is it a boy, is it a girl, will they be a loud baby, a quiet baby? Will they listen when they get older or will they be defiant? Will they need meds? Will everything come out okay?
The emotional roller coaster went on the entire time Rachel was pregnant, maybe more so for her, but I definitely experienced them. You start thinking about what if the child has some kind of birth defect, or genetic issue, or anything that could be bad. You see stories online all the time of babies not living beyond a few hours or days and you hope and pray that isn't you.
In summary, all the books in the world won't prepare you enough, but being mentally strong will get you through most anything. We found out it was going to be a girl, and after some wrestling with names, we settled on Kylie Brooke. For the most part she was quiet, but she had her loud moments. She's become somewhat defiant as she's gotten older, but nothing too horribly bad. And while she tried to scare us all by not breathing on her own initially due to her cord being around neck, she pulled through and is a completely healthy, feisty, yet small little girl.
Yet despite all the uncertainty that comes with the pregnancy and then actual raising of the child, I'm excited. I look forward to being the dad that squishes his kid's face just because it looks funny to him. I look forward to carrying him/her around as an infant, then complaining when they can walk but still want to be carried. I look forward to their first words, then getting irritated because they won't stop talking back to me because they want that one singular toy.
Rachel mentioned last night as we discussed me writing this that one thing that's unique about us as a couple is either one of us is likely to mess with Kylie. Carrying her around and watching her take in the world was amazing to me, and while she still likes to be carried (more I think because she likes snuggling up to us), she can move pretty fast on her feet. The words are coming more and more with each week, and while she doesn't babble on about wanting a toy, she will grab anything she thinks she wants off the store shelves.
I have a chance to do the things with this child that I wanted my dad to do with me. If I'm lucky, this child will enjoy video games like me and I'll have a video game buddy (even better if Payton and Rachel join in). I've always admired a youtuber by the name of paulsoaresjr who plays and records Minecraft, but also plays with all three of his kids and his wife on occasion. It may not seem like much to most, but it's a way for him to stay connected with his kids as they get older, something most parents have to face at some point (two of his kids are in high school now).
Payton has shown a mild interest in games, so I'm fairly certain in a little while she'll be able to play some with me. Kylie likes running around with my broken Xbox 360 controller, but I can't say for sure if that means she's going to be into games or not. I still have an admiration for any gamer/YouTuber who plays and records games with their family. It's pretty cool to me.
I look forward to all the appointments leading up to the child being born, the first laugh, the first cry (after that, I'll probably be done with the crying), the first time I have to get up to take care of the baby in the middle of the night (again, probably done after that), the first crawl, the first steps, the first fall, the first run, the first big fall, the first teeth, and so on.
This is when things started to get wild. Hearing her heart beat for the first time, seeing the ultrasound pictures, and seeing the progress being made prior to her birth are things I won't forget. Nor will I forget the first time I was able to hold her. The crying is disheartening when they're younger because they can't tell you what's wrong and it's not always super obvious. It's sometimes trial by error as you try to figure out what's wrong and hope you hit on a solution.
While Rachel was breast feeding, we were both getting up in the middle of the night. I'd change Kylie, then hand her off and we'd all pass out in the bed together. Once Rachel stopped feeding her and started on a medication to help her sleep, it became and has stayed primarily my responsibility to grab Ky when she wakes up in the middle of the night. More often than not she's sleeping until the 5-7am range, so it's not too bad. Rachel will attempt to grab her if she happens to wake up before she goes to bed, but that doesn't happen a lot.
I wasn't around for the very first crawl, but I did manage to catch her next attempt (which was motivated by pizza). I happened to be recording her again when she took her first big steps by herself, and while it's hard to say if I saw her first fall, I've seen plenty, including her rolling off of the couch and the bed. Her first teeth led to an explosion in what she could eat. The kid had already become a vacuum towards food, but having teeth has made it easier for her to eat just about anything.
The words are most exciting right now though. She's learning different words and phrases and hearing her use them correctly is more than a little exciting.
So while there are uncertainties and questions, there's also excitement and joy. I get to be a dad, and it gets to be my minion.
Yes, I've been calling it a minion. There's nothing any of you can do about it either.
She was also a Velociraptor for a long period of time too, which was only reinforced once she was born and would make this ungodly squealing noise when she'd see the cats. She doesn't make it as often anymore, but it was her battle cry for many months.
The end of May is a long way away though. That means there's plenty of time to prepare for all the things that come with having a new baby. Supplies will be bought, a bigger living arrangement will be pursued, and we will try to be as prepared as possible when the new life comes into the picture.
The truth is, you can never be fully prepared. Many times, you will realize you're out of diapers or wipes. The baby will need Motrin when you can't find it or have just run out. That said, we did move into a bigger apartment (that's no longer big enough) and have tried to at least keep up with how she's developing.
Our minion will need a name once we know whether we're having a boy or girl, and that to me is going to be one of the more challenging parts of the equation. In the past, I had thought about names, but when I go through and think about it now, nothing jumps out at me yet. Maybe it's because we don't know the sex of it yet, but as of now, even going through some lists of baby names, nothing has jumped at me just yet.
Kylie Brooke!
Life will certainly change come the end of May. Rachel is still encouraging me to sign up for next year's Warrior Dash, but I've been hedging since it takes place at the very beginning of June and I don't want there to be a conflict. Now, don't get me wrong, if Rachel is in labor when the Warrior Dash takes place, I'm not going. Simple as that. In an ideal world, the child would come either before or after the actual event.
Kylie decided that she was done playing in Rachel's belly and was born May 19th, which was about a week and a half before her actual due date. It ended up working out in the long run.
The world isn't ideal though and things already somewhat revolve around the unborn child. I have to consider the idea of buying as many baby supply items as possible so that we don't have to worry about that as much during the first couple of months. I have to make sure I have money set aside because there is going to be a period of time when Rachel isn't going to be able to work.
Money...it's always an issue, isn't it?
In the end, I'm excited for the future new addition and the changes it will bring. I'm excited for the memories that will be created by this addition.
Most importantly though, I'm excited about the chance to be the dad that I wish that I had.
Get ready world, our minion is coming.
And boy did she ever arrive.
On a side note, we ran in the Run of the Dead this past weekend and it was a pretty good time. Some of the zombies talked a little more than I thought and some of the zombie kids were a bit rambunctious, but it was still fun and something we'd both do again given the opportunity. It was down in Plymouth, OH, so it was a bit of a drive to get there, but we got there early and ran at a pretty decent pace considering Rachel hadn't run in a while and is a couple months along with the pregnancy.
But yeah, the main point of this? I have a minion on the way.
Duck and cover people, duck and cover.
I ducked, I covered, and it hasn't helped. My child is somehow able to break my defenses every time.
No comments:
Post a Comment