In fact, my plan was to edit a video for a game series that I finished recording back in July, but still haven't finished editing the footage. As is often the case with me, I keep meaning to get around to it and just haven't and it's unfortunate as it prevents my YouTube channel from growing much.
But this isn't about my channel. It's not about video games. It's not even really too much about me.
I've been occasionally perusing a dating web site, seeing what kind of women are floating around on these sites, and have found myself consistently, yet unsurprisingly, wondering why they're even bothering to put a profile up when they're as bitter as they are.
Some aren't as bitter as others, but there's a large portion of the crowd who think men are despicable (not far from the truth) and that all men are worthless (not so true) and wonder if there's one out there to prove them wrong.
Now, full disclosure: I have little to no intention of dating anyone until after I've moved. There's just far too much going on right now to the point that I wouldn't be able to dedicate the amount of time I'd like to, and I'm simply not going to do that to anyone. I'm simply seeing what could potentially be there when I decide the time is right, if I decide to go the route of online browsing.
Now, I've always noticed that women tend to place men in one unifyingly large category and that category is "all men are assholes/jerks/fucktards" and so on. It's always bothered me, but I also knew if someone felt that strongly about men, it was likely going to take a MONUMENTAL shift in their mentality caused by an extraordinary guy for them to think differently, and I'm simply not that.
I'm not interested in THAT much effort to win someone over, and frankly don't need the aggravation that comes with constantly having to prove myself over and over again. I have a little girl. Your petty issues with the men you've previously chosen to date are fairly insignificant and not something I'm interested in spending a lot of time dealing with.
It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I don't have time for the games. I'm not going to chase someone. I'm not going to go through a ton of trials to "prove" that I'm worthy. I'll present who I am, flaws and all, and you can take it or leave it. If you choose not to take me as I am, well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
Yet here are all these profiles on these sites with women "fed up," "about to give up," "done with the little boys" asking where the "real men are" and that they probably won't even stay on the site long because of all the creeps that message them.
Now, admittedly, it's hard for women. There ARE a lot of creeps out there who are only interested in sticking their dongles in a woman and moving on to the next conquest. They sadly exist, just like there are indeed women only interested in romping around for a night or two then moving on. It's not what many are looking for, but there are a fair amount of people who just want to "hit it and quit it," to quote the cool kids.
If you're a decent-looking woman, you're probably receiving dozens upon dozens of messages a day from all types of guys and it probably becomes frustrating trying to weed out the rotten ones from the good ones. I can only imagine logging on, seeing all the visitors in the world, all the messages, and having to figure out if anyone's worth responding to. I can imagine it becomes easier to say screw it and walk away.
I can understand that.
What bothers me more are the people, yes I said people, who hate the opposite sex, who treat all members of the opposite sex as if they're trash and not worth even looking at, all because of some lousy relationships. Maybe I haven't been hurt bad enough by someone, but I've NEVER sat and thought "god I hate women. They're all the same! They're all a bunch of trashy sluts!"
I've always chalked up a bad relationship to bad breaks, people changing, sometimes a poor choice, or just things beyond my control wreaking havoc. It's life and mistakes happen. This isn't to imply that I consider all women I've dated to be mistakes as I've learned a lot about myself and the opposite sex through those relationships, but clearly things happened that indicated it wasn' meant to be and that's okay.
I just think some get so caught up in being hurt that they decide that it's going to happen again, which automatically sets you up for failure in the future.
Many have been cheated on, so they assume it's going to happen again. Or they've been lied to, so they can't trust anyone, even if the new person has done NOTHING to indicate they'd lie. They automatically take the failures of the last person and apply them to the new person, rather than giving the new person a clean slate.
But ultimately, shouldn't some of you hating on the opposite sex take a step back and look at yourself for a minute? You did make the choice to go out with the people you went out with, right? You did decide that this person was worth your time, right? I mean, no one put a gun to your head and say you had to date this lying, dirty, no good man/woman, right?
It just seems that so many don't learn from previous relationships soon enough. They fail to see warning signs early enough to prevent them from being hurt, or worse, they settle because this person was interested in them.
They keep on settling after that, the pattern repeats, and now you have a bitter person who has complete disdain for the opposite sex, yet in a way, probably is yearning for that companionship.
Obviously, it goes far deeper than that simple explanation. Everyone's mental make up is different and not everyone reacts the same to the same situation, but it just seems some hold a grudge against those who they've never even met because of some poor choices.
Now, this does not exonerate the men and women who treat each other poorly. Simply put, if you treat your significant person like shit, cheat on them, beat them, and belittle them just because you can, well, you can take a 2x4 to the face for all I care. There are a lot of shitty people out there in the world who don't care about others and just like to put others down because it makes them feel better. It's unfortunate but true.
It just doesn't make sense to me to be on a dating site if you aren't going to give someone a fair shake. If you're going to put in your profile you don't trust men, why be on there? If you think everyone is the same, then what's the point? If mentally, you can't give someone a fair chance to show you they're different, then you really shouldn't even be visible to those.
I just find it frustrating. So many have been in bad relationships and hold grudges. If you're holding a grudge, you haven't moved on and shouldn't be looking for anything anyway.
I've been in bad relationships before and I certainly know how to hold a grudge. If I don't want to talk to someone, you won't hear a peep from me for many months or more if I choose. Yet I don't hold those past issues against someone new. Yes, I'll be looking for signs of a repeat performance, but ultimately, you'll be given a fair chance to show me that you're different.
But confidence and self-esteem are funny things that can wreak havoc on a person's mind and perception of themselves and those around them. Some just don't feel good about themselves, so they feel better when someone gives them attention, even if it comes at the cost of potentially being treated very poorly.
I've seen it before. A woman is treated like crap by a guy, but he gives her a little positive attention and because her self-esteem is so low, she goes back even though she knows it's going to go bad again. No matter how often it happens, the cycle can continue for months and years until the woman has enough.
When they finally break it, they trust no one and then become bitter because they're lonely. It's sad and ultimately hard to fix.
Just my two cents worth on that.
To be honest, I'm not going to be all crazy about dating anyway. I've never cared for the games that some women play when it comes to dating and I certainly don't have the time for them now. I've always had the mentality if two people are interested in each other, they should at least see what could be there.
I used to find dating slightly exciting, yet terrifying. Now I'm just so meh about it. I have far bigger concerns. I have a little girl who means the world to me and in the end, if I never dated again, I would likely be okay with that. I'd never be completely lonely just because of her presence in my life, so chasing women is even less appealing now than it was when I was 25.
I used to be too worried about how I was perceived by woman when I was younger. I was someone who wanted attention, so the moment a girl showed any kind of interest, I was ALL over it like I had never received any attention before. Some of this goes back to when I was bullied as a kid, some of it is from not having a strong male figure in my life for much of my childhood. I just craved attention from women, so I settled a lot.
It took one particularly rough experience for me to learn my lesson and become a bit more selective, but I'm still not completely succeeding wildly when it comes to dating. My last relationship was the longest, but still ended and almost took a very dark turn before things settled down.
Yes, I was bullied as a kid. A lot. I dealt with a lot of name-calling, a lot of intimidation, and just general belittlement from those around me. My confidence was suffering and people seemed to take joy in it. It took a lot of work to get past those moments and realize that people will be shitty if you let them, but if you ignore them, they tend to disappear.
I still struggled with perception over the years though. I still craved attention from the opposite sex to compensate for not feeling good about myself. It took a lot of work to fix the issues I had with my self-esteem, and even now sometimes struggle with it if I think about it too much. It's never enough to drag me down, but it still happens.
I know what my worth is, and I refuse to chase when it comes to dating. I don't care for hard to get or having to prove myself over and over again. I'm certainly not a perfect individual (my teeth alone are a major buzzkill for most women I'd imagine), but I do try my best at the end of the day.
I don't hate the idea of dating. There are just simply so many beautiful women out there with solid personalities that at some point the person I'm meant to be with will come along. I just won't go searching every nook and cranny of the world to find that woman. Whether I already know her or not, she's out there and she'll pop in my life when the time is right, Kylie will accept her, and things will be golden.
Until then, I continue to lay low when it comes to dating. I'm not in any position to date while my ex is still my roommate (a major turnoff for some reason) and I simply can't promise the time I'd like to devote to dating someone, especially since right now I'm trying to focus on Kylie as much as I can.
I have a few things personally I need to improve, such as my level of fitness (very poor at the moment sadly), my teeth, and I need to be solid financially. As I said, I'm not perfect and I never will be. I will always have flaws, just like the women on these sites have their own flaws that must be accepted.
Now, just a few more things to touch on before I call it a day with this entry.
- I'm astounded at the number of women on these sites who have one or more kids, want you to accept those kids, but will say they won't date a guy with kids himself. I mean, I do get it to an extent, but don't ask for concessions you aren't willing to make yourself.
- There is an insane number of fake profiles out there. From fake pictures to spam accounts, it's remarkable how easy it can be to spot them anymore. I tend to fixate on people with profiles that appear to be genuinely written, not copied and pasted, and with pictures that aren't modeling pictures.
- I'm also amazed at how many people are vegetarian anymore. It's a deal-breaker for me so it can be a bummer sometimes, but just something I've noticed.
- I chuckle when I see someone repeatedly mention they don't want drama and are drama-free, so don't bring your drama around them. Experience as taught me people who repeatedly mention themselves being free of drama usually are the ones who cause drama.
- Some have incredibly strict standards and don't compromise. That's good. Know what you're looking for, stick with it, and don't make exceptions just because some decent looking guy says you're pretty. If you know what you want, go for it and don't settle for less.
Finally, I want to touch on something that has repeatedly popped up on me in my lifetime. It seems to become a topic of discussion every so often, especially when people don't completely understand how I grew up.
I'M NOT GAY.
Now, I have no issue with the gay/lesbian/transgender/whateveryouare communities. I have all the respect in the world for them and the struggles they've endured over the years, particularly from bible thumpers who like to pick and choose what parts of the bible they follow (looks directly at all the people with tattoos calling homosexuality a sin).
This seems to rear its head every so often and I admittedly have some feministic mannerisms that I've tried to correct, but they're so ingrained in my head that I can't. My ex has commented a few times that she wondered if I was or not and apparently her step dad has made numerous comments about it "having to be true," so I feel compelled to again remind the general population that I am most definitely attracted to women.
This is where I remind people that I didn't have a strong male figure in my life until I was in high school, grew up with two sisters and my mom, and for much of my life always worked with primarily women. I'm not super masculine in some ways, so I can see how this might cause some to wonder, but there isn't anything to wonder about.
I'm straight, have no interest in men in any kind of sexual manner, yet know this will likely always be a minor issue to deal with.
I just wanted to put that out there in case anyone else was wondering about it (or being rude about it).
It's sad it even has to be addressed, but some people like to make assumptions just because they can.
Anyway, if you have any comments or questions, you know what to do, particularly if it's to add to the discussion on dating any why it's so difficult for so many.
No comments:
Post a Comment