Why you no attracted to me?

Attraction.

It's a funny thing really. We spend so much of our younger years trying to figure out if someone we like likes us back (except in those situations where it's kind of a "no duh" moment; I'm not familiar with that too much though). We look for signals, try to show our own worth, and generally make ourselves go crazy, all because we find someone attractive.

I was super guilty of this for a long time. I'd like someone, try to "prove my worth," and end up falling flat on my face either because they didn't feel the same way, or in those rare cases that they did, I would spook them because I'd stop being me and just be this whacked out guy trying too hard.

I'm obviously not the only one guilty of this. I see it on social media a lot, whether it be a meme or someone actually lamenting how they like someone, but it isn't being returned.

Some people get mad. They go on tirades about how perfect they'd be for that person, how happy they'd make that person. They complain that this person doesn't even know that something great is right next to them. It can get ugly sometimes too.

But that's what makes attraction so interesting. You liking someone doesn't automatically mean they should like you back. It's never worked that way, even if you believe that it would be a great relationship. There are factors beyond the obvious that play a role in whether a relationship develops or not.

Of course, it typically starts with physical attraction. But physical attraction can only take things so far. You also have to connect in other ways and sometimes, even if you want it to be there, the chemistry just isn't right. Something that clicks for you isn't clicking for the other person and you can't just force it to happen.

Sure, there are occasions where it could happen with time as a friendship develops and becomes something better, but more often than not, if things aren't clicking, they aren't going to magically click.

My particular favorite is when someone compliments the person they like, but throws in something like "too bad you have poor taste in men/women."

Because that's particularly endearing.

No, attraction isn't something you can force, and if it isn't there, trying to make it happen will typically only make things worse.

For instance, let's say there's a woman I like. She's a great woman in a lot of ways and is a blast to talk to. She's the type that will do whatever she can to help you out, no matter what. But just because I think these things doesn't mean she thinks the same back and the thing I need to be more than willing to accept is that we'll likely only be friends.

That's okay. She can make a great friend and be willing to listen to me when I need to vent, but more importantly, can give me a fresh perspective on a number of things, something I desperately needed after I kind of went into a tailspin early in January. Between her and another friend, they helped pull me through it and remind me I have it pretty good.

So you can like someone, think they're incredible, but be okay with just being friends. And that's where I am right now.

Some things that stuck with me the most include wanting to develop a friendship that turns into more, thus this person I'm with isn't just a person I'm with, but a best friend as well. Taking time to let the relationship develop is something I haven't really done well and maybe next time, this is the approach to take.

Another thing that's stuck with me is the idea of being the energy you want to attract. Hence, while I was mopey for a bit, I've snapped out of it and am trying to be as positive as I can be. That's what I want around me after all. People who are positive and can see their way through anything.

The final thing that's really stuck with me is that maybe it hasn't happened because it isn't meant to right now. While I'm not religious, I often wonder if there's something going on beyond what we understand, guiding us in ways we can't comprehend. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to be with anyone at this point in time to keep me on task and that the right person will come along when the time is actually right.

Which of course is cliched, but it sounds pretty solid actually.

Let's get this money saved, get a new car, and get a house, then see what happens. Oh, and fix my teeth. That should be a priority too.

At this stage of life, I'm content to have as many great friends around me as possible. If anything else is meant to happen, well, it will. Otherwise, I'm going to enjoy the ride, continue to get in better shape, continue to try and help people whenever I can, and see where life takes me.

Life's too short to sweat the small stuff and now that I'm approaching 40, I really start to see this and understand it.

In any case, this isn't meant to come across as whiny or mopey, but rather as me observing the things I see around me.

Let's have fun with life guys.

YouTubing isn't easy

A little over 3 years ago, I decided that I wanted to record myself playing Minecraft and other games. I had seen others do it, thought it would be a fun little hobby, and felt I could do the same. I didn't know what FPS was, how to edit anything, or really anything about the process.

I had very little knowledge of what I would need to do to get started with recording game footage. From afar, I initially had the impression that you had either a card or software on your computer that recorded what you did and you just could drop it on YouTube without even breaking a sweat.

Of course, I learned quickly that isn't the case. Thankfully, PaulsoaresJr, the man who inspired me to get started with all this (and got me into Minecraft), explained the process he went through regularly to his viewers, even going so far as to record the process he goes through to record and edit hit footage.

Edit.

I had no idea how much work some of the bigger (and frankly better) YouTubers were putting into their videos. It wasn't so simple as record and upload. No, most of them recorded hours of footage, whittled it down into manageable chunks, added whatever touches they felt were needed, rendered out the footage, compressed the footage, created thumbnails, created descriptions, and THEN uploaded the footage to YouTube.

It turned out to be an intensely time-consuming process, one that I hadn't completely thought through.

Of course, there was a bigger issue in regards to getting going with the idea of recording my gameplay: I didn't have a computer to record with.  I hit Ebay, scouring the site for a laptop that I thought could handle the load and eventually settled on bidding on an HP Compaq Presario with Nvidia graphics. It seemed like it would work, but I wasn't completely sure as I didn't really do the research necessary ahead of time.

I won the bid, paid for the laptop, and upon receiving it, installed Minecraft and FRAPS, a recording software, on it. I booted everything up and learned very quickly I had NO clue what I had gotten myself into.

My game didn't run well without FRAPS, but really took a beating once the recording software started. This of course was because I was using an older laptop that had didn't have a very good video card in it. It simply wasn't going to be able to run the game at high settings and record.

Luckily, I learned of a mod called Optifine that allowed me to get the most out of the game while recording with a fairly steady framerate. I wasn't getting anything remarkable, but I could get it in the 20-25 FPS (frames per second) for the most part, which was acceptable.

I didn't have a mic, and much like the laptop, didn't invest much into it as I bought a super cheap $10 headset thinking that would be adequate.

Like with the laptop, I was dreadfully wrong. The audio was horrible, often providing tremendous feedback and buzzing while I was recording, making it hard to hear.

That didn't deter me though, and I made the most of my experience while I played and recorded. I started off using Windows Movie Maker as my editor, which helped me learn the basics of editing. Of course, I wasn't very good at it and I was limited in what I could do, but I was doing my best and occasionally, people would comment with advice.

Eventually, I realized I was going to have to upgrade my equipment and software if my channel was ever going to get noticed. Sure, I could promote myself and get people to watch, but the truth was, most weren't going to put up with poor frame rates and bad audio. Top it off with lackluster editing, and you don't have much that's appealing.

The first thing I did was get a new mic. I purchased an Audio Technica ATR2500 USB mic that improved things substantially once I figured out how to set it up correctly. Of course, it didn't improve things all the way as a downside to using laptops to record is the loud fan that most have. That aside, my audio was better, which at least made the videos somewhat tolerable.

I then went ahead and purchased Sony Movie Studio 11, which allowed me greater freedom with editing, even if I had to learn a whole lot of new things that Movie Maker didn't explain. I had access to better titles, transitions, and effects, and I sought to use them even though it wasn't necessary. I learned that a fancier editor meant longer render times, and also required me to get a compressor since the files were pretty big.  I also had to remember to disable the resampling that Movie Studio did automatically, causing a motion blur effect.

About a year and a half ago, the next major upgrade took place, a move that greatly enhanced what I could do with my channel.

I bought a better laptop, one that was much better at handling more games, better recording software (I now use Dxtory because it allows me to split game audio from my commentary), and more powerful editing software.

My HP Envy won't blow anyone away, but if you watch videos prior to March of 2014 (excluding the first MesaBuilt episodes), then watch videos afterwards, you can tell the difference the laptop has made. I've even been able to record certain games at 60FPS (30FPS has been the standard for years now), although that takes longer to render out.

I was gifted Adobe Premiere Pro from a close friend, which was vastly different, yet similar to editing in Movie Studio. I also have learned to get a bit better with Photoshop, thus improving my thumbnails. I've learned how to edit videos better, not overdo things, and improve the commentary (now with an Audio Technica AT2020USB+ mic).

Yet my videos could still be better.

One day, I'll have a powerful desktop PC. I'll be able to record at minimum 1080p 60FPS without a loud laptop fan causing me to have to do a ton of audio editing. I'll have the ability to record and stream any game I want, only limited by time, not resources.

But right now, I can't complain too much. I can stream if I want (daveycracker80 on Twitch) and can record most games comfortably. I've upgraded my hard drive, added external storage, added a full HD web cam, and have improved as an editor.

But I'm always learning, always trying to figure out new and better ways to do things.

3 years ago, FPS didn't mean much to me. I had no idea how to put transitions into a video, how to find a good balance between voice audio and background music, how to make a thumbnail (or how to use Photoshop for that matter), what to talk about in my videos, or how to get my videos out to the masses.

While my channel hasn't grown much, I feel I have grown a lot as a gamer, as a video editor, and have a pretty good understanding of what I would have to do differently if there's a next time.

Will there be a next time? It depends. If I end up being in position to buy/build a more powerful PC, I will relaunch my YouTube channel. I would keep the old channel up (maybe use it strictly for Vlogs?) to preserve the older videos, but I wouldn't be bringing much older content over with me (with the exception of any series that are in process at the time of switching over). The art would likely stay similar to how it is now, but maybe with a refreshed look and new ideas on what games I'd record and how I carry myself on the channel.

This is likely at least a year or so away, as I don't anticipate having the money for a new PC anytime soon (there are FAR more pressing things to worry about short-term), but it's something that I'll be keeping in the back of my mind for the future.

My stream would likely only receive a matching refresh of art (which is in flux anyway since I keep changing my mind on how I want things to look) as I'm satisfied with how I've started with streaming, even if it's super infrequent (and not likely to resume until after I move in the future). 

I doubt I'll ever be much of a big name on YouTube, and that's fine with me. I don't do it for accolades or to get a ton of viewers. I do it because it's fun to think that someone, somewhere might watch me play a game, and possibly enjoy it. I don't care if I become a big name or not, because frankly the odds aren't good. Too many people are trying to do it and be the next big name, so it's hard to get your voice heard.

For now, I'm going to enjoy the process when I get a chance to do it. Recording games is fun, editing can be fun, and I enjoy when I do get feedback on my videos.

Maybe some day I'll be in position to do unboxing videos, give things away, and be sponsored by a company or two, but if not, I'll make the most of the views I do get and try to have as much fun as I can.

3 years ago I started on a journey into YouTube that I don't regret. I went from knowing virtually nothing to at least being competent with this hobby that I picked up. I've learned a lot from the process and hope to continue to grow as a content creator in the future.

Thanks for reading and if you've watched any of my content, thanks for the view!