Attraction.
It's a funny thing really. We spend so much of our younger years trying to figure out if someone we like likes us back (except in those situations where it's kind of a "no duh" moment; I'm not familiar with that too much though). We look for signals, try to show our own worth, and generally make ourselves go crazy, all because we find someone attractive.
I was super guilty of this for a long time. I'd like someone, try to "prove my worth," and end up falling flat on my face either because they didn't feel the same way, or in those rare cases that they did, I would spook them because I'd stop being me and just be this whacked out guy trying too hard.
I'm obviously not the only one guilty of this. I see it on social media a lot, whether it be a meme or someone actually lamenting how they like someone, but it isn't being returned.
Some people get mad. They go on tirades about how perfect they'd be for that person, how happy they'd make that person. They complain that this person doesn't even know that something great is right next to them. It can get ugly sometimes too.
But that's what makes attraction so interesting. You liking someone doesn't automatically mean they should like you back. It's never worked that way, even if you believe that it would be a great relationship. There are factors beyond the obvious that play a role in whether a relationship develops or not.
Of course, it typically starts with physical attraction. But physical attraction can only take things so far. You also have to connect in other ways and sometimes, even if you want it to be there, the chemistry just isn't right. Something that clicks for you isn't clicking for the other person and you can't just force it to happen.
Sure, there are occasions where it could happen with time as a friendship develops and becomes something better, but more often than not, if things aren't clicking, they aren't going to magically click.
My particular favorite is when someone compliments the person they like, but throws in something like "too bad you have poor taste in men/women."
Because that's particularly endearing.
No, attraction isn't something you can force, and if it isn't there, trying to make it happen will typically only make things worse.
For instance, let's say there's a woman I like. She's a great woman in a lot of ways and is a blast to talk to. She's the type that will do whatever she can to help you out, no matter what. But just because I think these things doesn't mean she thinks the same back and the thing I need to be more than willing to accept is that we'll likely only be friends.
That's okay. She can make a great friend and be willing to listen to me when I need to vent, but more importantly, can give me a fresh perspective on a number of things, something I desperately needed after I kind of went into a tailspin early in January. Between her and another friend, they helped pull me through it and remind me I have it pretty good.
So you can like someone, think they're incredible, but be okay with just being friends. And that's where I am right now.
Some things that stuck with me the most include wanting to develop a friendship that turns into more, thus this person I'm with isn't just a person I'm with, but a best friend as well. Taking time to let the relationship develop is something I haven't really done well and maybe next time, this is the approach to take.
Another thing that's stuck with me is the idea of being the energy you want to attract. Hence, while I was mopey for a bit, I've snapped out of it and am trying to be as positive as I can be. That's what I want around me after all. People who are positive and can see their way through anything.
The final thing that's really stuck with me is that maybe it hasn't happened because it isn't meant to right now. While I'm not religious, I often wonder if there's something going on beyond what we understand, guiding us in ways we can't comprehend. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to be with anyone at this point in time to keep me on task and that the right person will come along when the time is actually right.
Which of course is cliched, but it sounds pretty solid actually.
Let's get this money saved, get a new car, and get a house, then see what happens. Oh, and fix my teeth. That should be a priority too.
At this stage of life, I'm content to have as many great friends around me as possible. If anything else is meant to happen, well, it will. Otherwise, I'm going to enjoy the ride, continue to get in better shape, continue to try and help people whenever I can, and see where life takes me.
Life's too short to sweat the small stuff and now that I'm approaching 40, I really start to see this and understand it.
In any case, this isn't meant to come across as whiny or mopey, but rather as me observing the things I see around me.
Let's have fun with life guys.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Friday, December 15, 2017
Late night thoughts
It's interesting to me what the mind can do to you at times. Life can be humming along, everything going as you hoped, and that's when your brain can serve you up a mighty dose of self-doubt.
For as positive as I try to keep myself, for as much as I try to not get too high or low with the day to day, there are still plenty of moments where I question what I'm doing, who I am, and where I'm going.
Even as I sit here contemplating how the idea of helping a very good friend out in a very difficult time, the doubts are there. Will what I do be enough? Is this going to create unrealistic expectations? Do people think highly of me, or even at all?
It's wild and unpredictable and unfortunate.
I can sit here and say that I'm content with not dating anyone and I'm not worried about it and it would be mostly true. I'm not thinking too much about it, but I more and more find myself guilty of wanting that feeling of being wanted back, that feeling of mattering to someone.
Yes, Kylie fulfills a lot of the love in my life as she always will, but let's not pretend that replaces the feeling of being with someone who cares about you, who wants you around, who you can physically embrace and whatnot, and make you feel a certain way.
Now to be clear, this kind of thought does not dominate my mind. I don't think much about it because dating is virtually impossible right now for so many reasons that I just can't get into because it puts me right back in that negative frame of mind. Sure, it's possible there's someone who can overlook what's going on right now and want to be part of my life, but that's unrealistic and I can't expect that from anyone.
In a way, this feeling has probably been long-overdue and is the unintended consequence of receiving the first compliment I've received from someone in a long, long time. I've never been one to receive them, so I always looked into them too much in the past and made the compliment bigger than it was intended.
I've tried very hard to not do that this time around with the idea that sometimes people just say nice things to each other without any hidden meaning behind it. I've tried to simplify it because I tend to make things more complicated than they are when it comes to the opposite sex.
I've taken the compliment for what it was; a nice thing said to me by a very nice woman who is fast becoming someone I consider a pretty good friend. But it unintentionally gets my brain going (which is no fault of the person who complimented me AT ALL) and starts the wheels turning.
Could someone overlook the way my life is? Could someone overlook the things I find unappealing about my self? Is there someone who'd look at my situation, understand it, be patient with it, and want to try and make something work?
I'm sure there is. There are far, far, FAR more people who wouldn't though, and with good reason. Who wants to be with someone who lives with his ex, has a child, is clearly not in prime physical condition, and can't even go to the gym without his child freaking out?
Sure, I could explain that there's a bigger goal at hand, something more than what you see now. I could explain that the sacrifices being made now are for a greater purpose, something more meaningful to me. And maybe that person would understand. Maybe they'd get it and think this is something worth coming along for the ride for.
But more likely the answer I'd get (and what I have typically received in limited opportunities) is talk to me when you've moved out and so on.
And I can't blame them for that. I can't possibly expect someone to deal with my life the way it is now, no matter how much they might like me.
So I try to keep that thought out of my mind, carry on with the tasks at hand and try and keep the ship steering in the right direction. Major things I've needed to happen have happened thus far, which means I'm that much closer to getting where I want to be at.
Even then, I'm probably still at least a year from getting there, which is insanely too long of a time to expect someone to just accept how things are.
Still, it would be nice. There's no lie there. I do think about how nice it would be to have someone to go on a date with occasionally, send dumb texts to, and hug and stuff. There is definitely a void that I feel from time to time.
It speaks to human nature though as well. Even the most stringent personalities are prone to thoughts of being lonely and many have overwhelming thoughts of loneliness. It can strike at any point and for some, it's crippling. I'm very grateful for the fact that I can pretty much shove it to the side most of the time and not let it consume me, because it definitely consumes many people.
I fall back on the thought that if someone wants to date me, it'll happen when it's supposed to, and if it doesn't, well, I feel confident that I'll be fine in the long run. I have Kylie, which actually makes it far easier to contend with lonely thoughts than in years past when it absolutely ate me alive.
I worried way too much about dating in my younger years. I can go back as far as high school with my memories and thoughts of missed opportunities, but going back to that point isn't going to change anything. Things didn't happen for a reason and life has sent me on the path that it has for a reason.
For the time being, all I can do is continue to do what I can to improve my life, keep on track with setting up what I'm trying to do, get my ass back in shape, be a good friend, and see where the road takes me.
I will focus on being the best friend that I can be to the people that matter most to me, be the best dad to Kylie I can be, and if someone decides they want to take a chance and join me on this ride, well, there is a seat available.
Or my lap if they'd prefer.
That's all for now. Who knows when I'll write again because who knows when inspiration will strike.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that jazz.
And no, there will be no wish list this year. Mind is on more important things.
For as positive as I try to keep myself, for as much as I try to not get too high or low with the day to day, there are still plenty of moments where I question what I'm doing, who I am, and where I'm going.
Even as I sit here contemplating how the idea of helping a very good friend out in a very difficult time, the doubts are there. Will what I do be enough? Is this going to create unrealistic expectations? Do people think highly of me, or even at all?
It's wild and unpredictable and unfortunate.
I can sit here and say that I'm content with not dating anyone and I'm not worried about it and it would be mostly true. I'm not thinking too much about it, but I more and more find myself guilty of wanting that feeling of being wanted back, that feeling of mattering to someone.
Yes, Kylie fulfills a lot of the love in my life as she always will, but let's not pretend that replaces the feeling of being with someone who cares about you, who wants you around, who you can physically embrace and whatnot, and make you feel a certain way.
Now to be clear, this kind of thought does not dominate my mind. I don't think much about it because dating is virtually impossible right now for so many reasons that I just can't get into because it puts me right back in that negative frame of mind. Sure, it's possible there's someone who can overlook what's going on right now and want to be part of my life, but that's unrealistic and I can't expect that from anyone.
In a way, this feeling has probably been long-overdue and is the unintended consequence of receiving the first compliment I've received from someone in a long, long time. I've never been one to receive them, so I always looked into them too much in the past and made the compliment bigger than it was intended.
I've tried very hard to not do that this time around with the idea that sometimes people just say nice things to each other without any hidden meaning behind it. I've tried to simplify it because I tend to make things more complicated than they are when it comes to the opposite sex.
I've taken the compliment for what it was; a nice thing said to me by a very nice woman who is fast becoming someone I consider a pretty good friend. But it unintentionally gets my brain going (which is no fault of the person who complimented me AT ALL) and starts the wheels turning.
Could someone overlook the way my life is? Could someone overlook the things I find unappealing about my self? Is there someone who'd look at my situation, understand it, be patient with it, and want to try and make something work?
I'm sure there is. There are far, far, FAR more people who wouldn't though, and with good reason. Who wants to be with someone who lives with his ex, has a child, is clearly not in prime physical condition, and can't even go to the gym without his child freaking out?
Sure, I could explain that there's a bigger goal at hand, something more than what you see now. I could explain that the sacrifices being made now are for a greater purpose, something more meaningful to me. And maybe that person would understand. Maybe they'd get it and think this is something worth coming along for the ride for.
But more likely the answer I'd get (and what I have typically received in limited opportunities) is talk to me when you've moved out and so on.
And I can't blame them for that. I can't possibly expect someone to deal with my life the way it is now, no matter how much they might like me.
So I try to keep that thought out of my mind, carry on with the tasks at hand and try and keep the ship steering in the right direction. Major things I've needed to happen have happened thus far, which means I'm that much closer to getting where I want to be at.
Even then, I'm probably still at least a year from getting there, which is insanely too long of a time to expect someone to just accept how things are.
Still, it would be nice. There's no lie there. I do think about how nice it would be to have someone to go on a date with occasionally, send dumb texts to, and hug and stuff. There is definitely a void that I feel from time to time.
It speaks to human nature though as well. Even the most stringent personalities are prone to thoughts of being lonely and many have overwhelming thoughts of loneliness. It can strike at any point and for some, it's crippling. I'm very grateful for the fact that I can pretty much shove it to the side most of the time and not let it consume me, because it definitely consumes many people.
I fall back on the thought that if someone wants to date me, it'll happen when it's supposed to, and if it doesn't, well, I feel confident that I'll be fine in the long run. I have Kylie, which actually makes it far easier to contend with lonely thoughts than in years past when it absolutely ate me alive.
I worried way too much about dating in my younger years. I can go back as far as high school with my memories and thoughts of missed opportunities, but going back to that point isn't going to change anything. Things didn't happen for a reason and life has sent me on the path that it has for a reason.
For the time being, all I can do is continue to do what I can to improve my life, keep on track with setting up what I'm trying to do, get my ass back in shape, be a good friend, and see where the road takes me.
I will focus on being the best friend that I can be to the people that matter most to me, be the best dad to Kylie I can be, and if someone decides they want to take a chance and join me on this ride, well, there is a seat available.
Or my lap if they'd prefer.
That's all for now. Who knows when I'll write again because who knows when inspiration will strike.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that jazz.
And no, there will be no wish list this year. Mind is on more important things.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Let's talk 2016
Let's be really honest.
2015 was not a good year.
Yes, there were good moments (virtually anything involving Kylie and getting a modest raise at work among the highlights), but it was a turbulent year filled with a lot of ups and downs, including the ending of a long relationship that nearly crashed and burned in the process.
I don't want turbulent anymore. I want better.
I want calm.
I know that's a pipe dream. Life in itself isn't calm. Things happen that you have NO control over, and those things can take a calm life and turn it upside down.
There are things that could happen. Someone could get injured or pass away. My car could break down. There are a litany of unknown things that could happen to completely upset the calm that I look to achieve.
I accept that because that's life. However, I will do my damndest to avoid it happening to me.
I want 2016 to be great. I want it to be successful. I want the best for everyone and things to break my way a few times. I want to better take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way (and believe me, fewer come your way as you get older).
But mostly, I just want the year to be great for Kylie.
I've been stressing this for months now and it continues to hold true. I want happiness for Kylie, whether if she's with me or with her mother. I see far too many parents bicker over what's best for their kid after they've gone their separate ways and that's just not good for the kid.
When she's with me, she's number one. Even if she's not with me during the week, she's still number one. This is something ALL will be expected to understand. If you can't, then get the fudge out and don't let the door hit you.
Seriously though, it's not about what I want. It's about what's best for that child. If it means missing some time with her so she can do something fun with her mom, then there shouldn't be an issue with it. Too many parents are unwilling to swallow their pride and work together to ensure their kid is happy. They want to be in control and determine what happens.
So I want her to have a great year no matter where she's at.
Ultimately, this year needs to be a year when I take a new step forward. One way or another, my life needs to be better when 2016 closes out.
It means being a better person overall.
No, it does mean the snark is going away. Snarkiness will always be a part of who I am, but picking and choosing when to be snarky needs to improve.
It means putting 100% behind what I'm doing, not 75% and hoping no one notices the slacking I did on the other 25%.
It means branching out and trying new things.
It means fixing what I can fix and not stressing about the things I can't fix.
In my head, there are several things I'd like to be better with and the hope is that putting these ideas into writing will help keep me on track.
Here are some things I'd like to accomplish in 2016:
No, it's not going to happen, but I can dream, right?
Most everything else though can be achieved with a little hard work and dedication, and that's something I'm capable of doing when I'm not being a complete lazy butt.
Seriously though, I want this year to be great.
You'll note I didn't include anything about dating in this. While I believe the possibility of dating is there, it's not something I'm expecting as I will be spending almost half the year nearly completely focused on work and Kylie, so time will not be on my side for most anything else that isn't necessary.
While it would be nice to be with someone who supports me and all that fun stuff, it's not something that's required for me to be happy. It would just be a nice bonus if it were to happen. I'm not going to be the type that requires a relationship to be happy with myself. If it happens, it's because that person adds that much more to my life.
There's some excitement, but also uncertainty with this year. I don't know where I'm going to be come July, but I will be somewhere in the general area. I do know my weekends will be strictly Kylie time, and even some of my time during the week.
The idea is to make the most of the year. You're either along for the ride, or you're not part of it at all.
Here's to a great 2016 for not just myself, but for everyone.
We can all do better.
2015 was not a good year.
Yes, there were good moments (virtually anything involving Kylie and getting a modest raise at work among the highlights), but it was a turbulent year filled with a lot of ups and downs, including the ending of a long relationship that nearly crashed and burned in the process.
I don't want turbulent anymore. I want better.
I want calm.
I know that's a pipe dream. Life in itself isn't calm. Things happen that you have NO control over, and those things can take a calm life and turn it upside down.
There are things that could happen. Someone could get injured or pass away. My car could break down. There are a litany of unknown things that could happen to completely upset the calm that I look to achieve.
I accept that because that's life. However, I will do my damndest to avoid it happening to me.
I want 2016 to be great. I want it to be successful. I want the best for everyone and things to break my way a few times. I want to better take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way (and believe me, fewer come your way as you get older).
But mostly, I just want the year to be great for Kylie.
I've been stressing this for months now and it continues to hold true. I want happiness for Kylie, whether if she's with me or with her mother. I see far too many parents bicker over what's best for their kid after they've gone their separate ways and that's just not good for the kid.
When she's with me, she's number one. Even if she's not with me during the week, she's still number one. This is something ALL will be expected to understand. If you can't, then get the fudge out and don't let the door hit you.
Seriously though, it's not about what I want. It's about what's best for that child. If it means missing some time with her so she can do something fun with her mom, then there shouldn't be an issue with it. Too many parents are unwilling to swallow their pride and work together to ensure their kid is happy. They want to be in control and determine what happens.
So I want her to have a great year no matter where she's at.
Ultimately, this year needs to be a year when I take a new step forward. One way or another, my life needs to be better when 2016 closes out.
It means being a better person overall.
No, it does mean the snark is going away. Snarkiness will always be a part of who I am, but picking and choosing when to be snarky needs to improve.
It means putting 100% behind what I'm doing, not 75% and hoping no one notices the slacking I did on the other 25%.
It means branching out and trying new things.
It means fixing what I can fix and not stressing about the things I can't fix.
In my head, there are several things I'd like to be better with and the hope is that putting these ideas into writing will help keep me on track.
Here are some things I'd like to accomplish in 2016:
- Get back into running and working out on a regular basis.
- Be a better coworker
- Be a better/more consistent friend
- Make the most of the time I get with Kylie
- Get back into my YouTube/Twitch hobby and improve with it
- Build/buy a new, more powerful PC
- Make as many new connections as possible and maintain those connections
- Start putting money aside in the hopes of getting a house in the future
- Win the lottery
- Take care of everyone close to me after winning the lottery
- Fix my damn teeth
- Enjoy where life takes me
No, it's not going to happen, but I can dream, right?
Most everything else though can be achieved with a little hard work and dedication, and that's something I'm capable of doing when I'm not being a complete lazy butt.
Seriously though, I want this year to be great.
You'll note I didn't include anything about dating in this. While I believe the possibility of dating is there, it's not something I'm expecting as I will be spending almost half the year nearly completely focused on work and Kylie, so time will not be on my side for most anything else that isn't necessary.
While it would be nice to be with someone who supports me and all that fun stuff, it's not something that's required for me to be happy. It would just be a nice bonus if it were to happen. I'm not going to be the type that requires a relationship to be happy with myself. If it happens, it's because that person adds that much more to my life.
There's some excitement, but also uncertainty with this year. I don't know where I'm going to be come July, but I will be somewhere in the general area. I do know my weekends will be strictly Kylie time, and even some of my time during the week.
The idea is to make the most of the year. You're either along for the ride, or you're not part of it at all.
Here's to a great 2016 for not just myself, but for everyone.
We can all do better.
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