Let's be really honest.
2015 was not a good year.
Yes, there were good moments (virtually anything involving Kylie and getting a modest raise at work among the highlights), but it was a turbulent year filled with a lot of ups and downs, including the ending of a long relationship that nearly crashed and burned in the process.
I don't want turbulent anymore. I want better.
I want calm.
I know that's a pipe dream. Life in itself isn't calm. Things happen that you have NO control over, and those things can take a calm life and turn it upside down.
There are things that could happen. Someone could get injured or pass away. My car could break down. There are a litany of unknown things that could happen to completely upset the calm that I look to achieve.
I accept that because that's life. However, I will do my damndest to avoid it happening to me.
I want 2016 to be great. I want it to be successful. I want the best for everyone and things to break my way a few times. I want to better take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way (and believe me, fewer come your way as you get older).
But mostly, I just want the year to be great for Kylie.
I've been stressing this for months now and it continues to hold true. I want happiness for Kylie, whether if she's with me or with her mother. I see far too many parents bicker over what's best for their kid after they've gone their separate ways and that's just not good for the kid.
When she's with me, she's number one. Even if she's not with me during the week, she's still number one. This is something ALL will be expected to understand. If you can't, then get the fudge out and don't let the door hit you.
Seriously though, it's not about what I want. It's about what's best for that child. If it means missing some time with her so she can do something fun with her mom, then there shouldn't be an issue with it. Too many parents are unwilling to swallow their pride and work together to ensure their kid is happy. They want to be in control and determine what happens.
So I want her to have a great year no matter where she's at.
Ultimately, this year needs to be a year when I take a new step forward. One way or another, my life needs to be better when 2016 closes out.
It means being a better person overall.
No, it does mean the snark is going away. Snarkiness will always be a part of who I am, but picking and choosing when to be snarky needs to improve.
It means putting 100% behind what I'm doing, not 75% and hoping no one notices the slacking I did on the other 25%.
It means branching out and trying new things.
It means fixing what I can fix and not stressing about the things I can't fix.
In my head, there are several things I'd like to be better with and the hope is that putting these ideas into writing will help keep me on track.
Here are some things I'd like to accomplish in 2016:
- Get back into running and working out on a regular basis.
- Be a better coworker
- Be a better/more consistent friend
- Make the most of the time I get with Kylie
- Get back into my YouTube/Twitch hobby and improve with it
- Build/buy a new, more powerful PC
- Make as many new connections as possible and maintain those connections
- Start putting money aside in the hopes of getting a house in the future
- Win the lottery
- Take care of everyone close to me after winning the lottery
- Fix my damn teeth
- Enjoy where life takes me
I know the chances of winning the lottery are insanely slim, but I have so many ideas of what I'd do if I did win it's not funny. I'd obviously take care of those closest to me, but I'd also build a house, buy a new car (or two), set up the gaming/recording room of my dreams, do the YouTube/Twitch thing full-time, take Kylie to a bunch of places, and just live life freely.
No, it's not going to happen, but I can dream, right?
Most everything else though can be achieved with a little hard work and dedication, and that's something I'm capable of doing when I'm not being a complete lazy butt.
Seriously though, I want this year to be great.
You'll note I didn't include anything about dating in this. While I believe the possibility of dating is there, it's not something I'm expecting as I will be spending almost half the year nearly completely focused on work and Kylie, so time will not be on my side for most anything else that isn't necessary.
While it would be nice to be with someone who supports me and all that fun stuff, it's not something that's required for me to be happy. It would just be a nice bonus if it were to happen. I'm not going to be the type that requires a relationship to be happy with myself. If it happens, it's because that person adds that much more to my life.
There's some excitement, but also uncertainty with this year. I don't know where I'm going to be come July, but I will be somewhere in the general area. I do know my weekends will be strictly Kylie time, and even some of my time during the week.
The idea is to make the most of the year. You're either along for the ride, or you're not part of it at all.
Here's to a great 2016 for not just myself, but for everyone.
We can all do better.
Every year people make resolutions.
We're going to lose weight. We're going to eat better. We're going to show up for work regularly. We're going to put the crackpipe down for good.
We mean well, we really do, but most of us give up after about a week.
My girlfriend has taken it a step further in starting things she wants to do now, rather than wait for January 1st and I commend her for that. Most people who make resolutions say they want to start after the new year, then either put off doing what they say they're going to do until they and everyone else has forgotten, or as previously stated, give up after a week.
Each year, I put up a list of resolutions that I say I'm going to do but the truth is, by the time I'm done posting it, I've forgotten what they are and pay no attention to them. In fact, my memory is so amazing that I failed to realize that I didn't do a resolution list last year. In attempting to look back and see what I resolved to do this past year, I came to the realization that the post does not exist.
Whoops.
Before I get into the actual resolutions for this upcoming year, I thought I'd take a look back at where I was last year at this point and how this year unfolded for me. No, this isn't going to be some comprehensive "year in review" type thing. No, see, that requires research and I learned a long time ago that I absolutely hate doing research. Plus, my year isn't exactly the stuff that would make a scholar excited, much less myself.
**Column Intermission 1**
I once attempted to do a year in review on my old web site many years ago. It was going to be broken up into quarters, or eighths. Wait, maybe it was the entire year in one lump column. Okay, truth is, I don't really remember how I was doing it and I could just go back to the site and look it up since it's been restored at a new address, but that too requires too much work and I'll just save everyone the trouble and say it was started, but never finished.
The moral of the story is doing those things takes time and effort, neither of which I find worth doing when it involves me. You simply can't just decide to do that unless you're willing to put aside a ton of time. It also becomes much more difficult when you aren't posting regularly, which has been admitted issue for me as well. As does being vague in what you do post because you aren't trying to put everyone's business out there.
**Intermission Over**
So we'll stick with the basics, K?
Last year at this time I was preparing to go to my first real big New Year's party. Yes, it took 30 years for me to be involved in something like that and if I had known how things would transpire, I would've stayed home anyway. At the time I was dating a girl named Lauren who seemed to be a good find. She "seemed" to want to spend a lot of time with me and "seemed" to like me for me.
After the party, I'd find out otherwise.
It turned out she didn't want me around all the time even though she was the one asking me to come over constantly. In the end, it was another situation where she seemed to be looking for a way out, found her way out, and took full advantage of it.
Also at this time, my mom, sister, and nieces and nephew were living in my apartment with me and would continue to for a little while longer before finally heading back to the house.
This year, well, it was quite a ride. I ended up getting sick a total of 5 times over the course of last winter into the spring. I reconnected with someone I knew years ago, dated her briefly, then broke things off after I realized it felt more like a friendship than a relationship. Shortly after that, I started dating Rachel and that sequence of events has turned out to be the best decision ever. In Rachel I feel I've found the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with along with her daughter Payton. This being the right decision was reaffirmed when my ex put up a blog essentially blasting me for my actions despite her telling me otherwise. It took Rachel confronting her about it and me putting up an equally unpleasant blog for this ex to show that she really wasn't who she wanted everyone to believe she was.
Karma eventually got her as she lost her job only months after posting constantly on Facebook how she should be doing work instead of watching Netflix and posting online all night.
The rest of the year has been amazing. I've developed an amazing relationship with Rachel and Payton and feel the best is still to come. Within the next couple of months we'll be living together and once my lease is up, we'll begin the next chapter in our first place together.
Oh, and my older sister went batshit crazy, got kicked out of my mom's house, deleted all of us off of Facebook, and has essentially disappeared. And now my mom has money all of a sudden. Imagine that.
Now then, onto the resolutions.
In coming up with this year's list, I've done virtually no planning, no thinking, and am basically coming up with things off the top of my head.
Which means this is either going to be the most incredibly entertaining list of resolutions ever, or the most boring.
* Get back on track with the workouts and running - Rachel and I were really good about running until it got cold and she had to stop due to breathing issues, but the working out needs to pick back up.
* Stop drinking a ton of pop - This one has already started. I'm no longer drinking dark pop and am reducing the amount overall in favor of Gatorade and other types of juice.
* Stop being so stubborn - What? I'm not stubborn!
* Eat better - Potato chips are a perfectly acceptable healthy diet, right? Oh, don't forget the cookies and cake!
* Write more often - Yeah, I say this every year. Sometimes I do pretty well for a while, then it drops off again.
* Play video games more without neglecting Rachel and Payton - What kind of resolution is this? It's the kind you make when you have a $400 gaming machine collecting dust because you rarely use it except for Netflix.
* Comment on everyone's statuses every day on Facebook - Yeah, this will last about 45 minutes before I realize that 1) it's stupid and 2) it's a HUGE waste of time. Did I mention stupid?
* Get ahead financially - This should become very possible once Rachel and I are living together.
* Get a trashy-looking tattoo on the side of my neck - Because nothing says classy like having your baby daddy's name on the side of your neck. Okay, so that was totally inspired by some woman who walked by with one on the side of hers. I could write a whole blog about how I don't understand that one bit.
* Eat more chicken - The cows from Chick-Fil-A told me to.
* Stop getting sick so much in the winter - Seriously, if this year is like last winter, I'm going to forever shun the flu shot.
* Continue to upgrade my wardrobe - This has already started thanks to the needed push from Rachel with me getting new jeans, new work pants and shirts, and some new t-shirts as well.
* Become a better boyfriend - Not that I think I'm bad, but I always think there's room for improvement. Besides, the happiness of Rachel and Payton are the most important thing to me.
* Be a better friend - I've been lacking in this department lately. It doesn't take much effort to pick up the phone and talk to my friends.
* Not do something stupid - I'm bound to fail with this one, I'm certain.
* Be more confident in myself - Well, at least try to. This is one area I've always struggled with and have tried to get better with.
That's the extent of what I have right now. If I think of more, I'll add to it, but as of now, those are the things that I resolve (or pretend to resolve) to do this upcoming year. Not that it matters much.
The world is supposedly ending December 21, 2012.
That would be kind of a bummer.
I guess it would make resolutions for 2013 that much easier though.
Happy New Year everyone.
