Every year people make resolutions.
We're going to lose weight. We're going to eat better. We're going to show up for work regularly. We're going to put the crackpipe down for good.
We mean well, we really do, but most of us give up after about a week.
My girlfriend has taken it a step further in starting things she wants to do now, rather than wait for January 1st and I commend her for that. Most people who make resolutions say they want to start after the new year, then either put off doing what they say they're going to do until they and everyone else has forgotten, or as previously stated, give up after a week.
Each year, I put up a list of resolutions that I say I'm going to do but the truth is, by the time I'm done posting it, I've forgotten what they are and pay no attention to them. In fact, my memory is so amazing that I failed to realize that I didn't do a resolution list last year. In attempting to look back and see what I resolved to do this past year, I came to the realization that the post does not exist.
Whoops.
Before I get into the actual resolutions for this upcoming year, I thought I'd take a look back at where I was last year at this point and how this year unfolded for me. No, this isn't going to be some comprehensive "year in review" type thing. No, see, that requires research and I learned a long time ago that I absolutely hate doing research. Plus, my year isn't exactly the stuff that would make a scholar excited, much less myself.
**Column Intermission 1**
I once attempted to do a year in review on my old web site many years ago. It was going to be broken up into quarters, or eighths. Wait, maybe it was the entire year in one lump column. Okay, truth is, I don't really remember how I was doing it and I could just go back to the site and look it up since it's been restored at a new address, but that too requires too much work and I'll just save everyone the trouble and say it was started, but never finished.
The moral of the story is doing those things takes time and effort, neither of which I find worth doing when it involves me. You simply can't just decide to do that unless you're willing to put aside a ton of time. It also becomes much more difficult when you aren't posting regularly, which has been admitted issue for me as well. As does being vague in what you do post because you aren't trying to put everyone's business out there.
**Intermission Over**
So we'll stick with the basics, K?
Last year at this time I was preparing to go to my first real big New Year's party. Yes, it took 30 years for me to be involved in something like that and if I had known how things would transpire, I would've stayed home anyway. At the time I was dating a girl named Lauren who seemed to be a good find. She "seemed" to want to spend a lot of time with me and "seemed" to like me for me.
After the party, I'd find out otherwise.
It turned out she didn't want me around all the time even though she was the one asking me to come over constantly. In the end, it was another situation where she seemed to be looking for a way out, found her way out, and took full advantage of it.
Also at this time, my mom, sister, and nieces and nephew were living in my apartment with me and would continue to for a little while longer before finally heading back to the house.
This year, well, it was quite a ride. I ended up getting sick a total of 5 times over the course of last winter into the spring. I reconnected with someone I knew years ago, dated her briefly, then broke things off after I realized it felt more like a friendship than a relationship. Shortly after that, I started dating Rachel and that sequence of events has turned out to be the best decision ever. In Rachel I feel I've found the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with along with her daughter Payton. This being the right decision was reaffirmed when my ex put up a blog essentially blasting me for my actions despite her telling me otherwise. It took Rachel confronting her about it and me putting up an equally unpleasant blog for this ex to show that she really wasn't who she wanted everyone to believe she was.
Karma eventually got her as she lost her job only months after posting constantly on Facebook how she should be doing work instead of watching Netflix and posting online all night.
The rest of the year has been amazing. I've developed an amazing relationship with Rachel and Payton and feel the best is still to come. Within the next couple of months we'll be living together and once my lease is up, we'll begin the next chapter in our first place together.
Oh, and my older sister went batshit crazy, got kicked out of my mom's house, deleted all of us off of Facebook, and has essentially disappeared. And now my mom has money all of a sudden. Imagine that.
Now then, onto the resolutions.
In coming up with this year's list, I've done virtually no planning, no thinking, and am basically coming up with things off the top of my head.
Which means this is either going to be the most incredibly entertaining list of resolutions ever, or the most boring.
* Get back on track with the workouts and running - Rachel and I were really good about running until it got cold and she had to stop due to breathing issues, but the working out needs to pick back up.
* Stop drinking a ton of pop - This one has already started. I'm no longer drinking dark pop and am reducing the amount overall in favor of Gatorade and other types of juice.
* Stop being so stubborn - What? I'm not stubborn!
* Eat better - Potato chips are a perfectly acceptable healthy diet, right? Oh, don't forget the cookies and cake!
* Write more often - Yeah, I say this every year. Sometimes I do pretty well for a while, then it drops off again.
* Play video games more without neglecting Rachel and Payton - What kind of resolution is this? It's the kind you make when you have a $400 gaming machine collecting dust because you rarely use it except for Netflix.
* Comment on everyone's statuses every day on Facebook - Yeah, this will last about 45 minutes before I realize that 1) it's stupid and 2) it's a HUGE waste of time. Did I mention stupid?
* Get ahead financially - This should become very possible once Rachel and I are living together.
* Get a trashy-looking tattoo on the side of my neck - Because nothing says classy like having your baby daddy's name on the side of your neck. Okay, so that was totally inspired by some woman who walked by with one on the side of hers. I could write a whole blog about how I don't understand that one bit.
* Eat more chicken - The cows from Chick-Fil-A told me to.
* Stop getting sick so much in the winter - Seriously, if this year is like last winter, I'm going to forever shun the flu shot.
* Continue to upgrade my wardrobe - This has already started thanks to the needed push from Rachel with me getting new jeans, new work pants and shirts, and some new t-shirts as well.
* Become a better boyfriend - Not that I think I'm bad, but I always think there's room for improvement. Besides, the happiness of Rachel and Payton are the most important thing to me.
* Be a better friend - I've been lacking in this department lately. It doesn't take much effort to pick up the phone and talk to my friends.
* Not do something stupid - I'm bound to fail with this one, I'm certain.
* Be more confident in myself - Well, at least try to. This is one area I've always struggled with and have tried to get better with.
That's the extent of what I have right now. If I think of more, I'll add to it, but as of now, those are the things that I resolve (or pretend to resolve) to do this upcoming year. Not that it matters much.
The world is supposedly ending December 21, 2012.
That would be kind of a bummer.
I guess it would make resolutions for 2013 that much easier though.
Happy New Year everyone.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
idolizing can be dangerous
I hope everyone had a happy holiday.
I wasn't going to write right away, but came across a story about a book written about Walter Payton that made me stop and think. In it, it talked about how like so many other athletes, a false sense of who he was was put out there for the public and the public ate it up, unaware to the things going on in his personal life.
It made me think about how I used to idolize certain professional players as a kid and in many cases, emulated the way they played when I would play a sport. In football, I was Bernie Kosar. In basketball, I was Mark Price. In baseball, well, I grew up with some pretty poor Indians teams but I always liked Cory Snyder and Brook Jacoby.
I would even emulate the broadcasters of the time, Nev Chandler for the Browns and Joe Tait for the Cavs. I loved the players on the Cavs and Browns from the late 80's into the 90's.
I stopped idolizing players years ago though.
Sure, there are players that come around that I latch onto. Usually they're the guys that no one else really roots for or thinks will succeed because I'm a sucker for the underdog. When the Indians were tearing up baseball in the mid-90's, my favorite players were Kenny Lofton, Sandy Alomar Jr, and Charles Nagy. More recently, I was one of the first to mention an idea that Jason Kipnis could become something special and made sure to watch his development.
With the Browns, some of my previous favorite players were Eric Turner, Steve Everitt, Kevin Johnson, Ernest Byner, Kevin Mack, Ozzie Newsome, and Eric Metcalf. More recently, I've counted Mike Adams, Joe Haden, and TJ Ward as some of my favorites.
But I don't idolize them. The one thing I've seen time and time again is that professional sports may entail a game, but they are run as business first and foremost. This means if a player isn't performing or doesn't like where he's playing, he's gone. That player you spent seven seasons idolizing is now playing somewhere else.
Remember LeBron James?
Did I enjoy watching him play when he was a Cav? Absolutely. Did he say all the right things while he was here to the media? He sure did. In fact, up until "The Decision," he was a marketing genius. He had the city and it's fans eating out of the palm of his hand.
We all know how that turned out.
Now he's widely considered a villian, a player that other fans love to boo, not just because of him being on the opposing team, but because of how he went about leaving. Now Orlando Magic fans are facing the prospect of Dwight Howard doing to them what LeBron did to Cleveland on the heels of what Carmelo Anthony did to Denver and Chris Paul did to the Clippers. Some have already said to get rid of him if he doesn't want to play in their city.
Yet for those who've decided the guy is a bum and get rid of him, there are people who will be hurt by that athlete leaving. I remember watching the news after LeBron left and one of the images was a woman crying.
Over a professional athlete.
Which is what leads me to what I'm getting at with this. So many people invest way too much into sports. They live on every game, pay attention to every stat, digest every interview as if it's their job. They call into talk radio shows to tell anyone who will listen what they think the team/player should do.
If the team wins, they celebrate as if they were on the team. When they lose, it ruins their day, week, month, and even year. Next thing you know, someone's producing a video like the guy who did the "Factory of Sadness" thing. No, I didn't watch it and I don't intend to.
From where I sit, there are far too many people who turn watching sports into an obsession. Things like fantasy sports make this worse as in some cases, people don't even care of their team wins as long as the players they have on their fantasy team perform. There are people who literally hang on every play as if the world is going to end.
I don't know how healthy that is.
I love sports. I think there are few things better than sitting back and watching a game on tv or going to a sporting event. It's even better when it's football or baseball because Rachel will watch with me. Do I want to see the Cleveland teams win? Absolutely. But them losing doesn't ruin my day, crush my soul, or make me want to spend the next week spewing venom about them.
Maybe I'm a glass half-full kind of guy with sports, but I can still dig through a loss and see what the team did right rather than just dwell on the negative. Hell, most people can't see the positive after a win, much less a loss. I've heard way too many people call in after a WIN and point out everything the team did wrong. This became especially prevalent when LeBron was putting on a show every night for Cavs fans. They'd win by 30 and people would be calling in talking about how bad the defense was, or how this guy missed 3 shots he should've made, and so on.
It's become disgusting anymore.
The more dangerous people though are the ones who idolize athletes to the point of being obsessed with them. You can have a favorite player and root for them. But when it becomes all you can talk about, all you can think about, you may have a problem. It's fine when you're eight and think that Joe Haden is the best player ever and you want to be like him. It's another when you're 38 and still like that.
It becomes sad though when you find out that the person you root for isn't as on the up and up as you thought he was. The story about Walter Payton talks about how he had a child out of wedlock right before his wife gave birth to their second child, then was worried that his wife and girlfriend would run into each other at his Hall of Fame induction speech.
This after he was named father of the year.
As the story points out, we live in an age where TMZ, the internet, and Twitter expose us to things we'd rarely hear about 30 years ago. Now we find out about every last little incident the moment it happens. If an athlete has an affair, gets caught with drugs or drinking and driving, or has any other kind of incident, they get put on trial with public first and foremost.
Certainly athletes are still on a pedestal, but it isn't like it used to be and it shouldn't be. Take away all the glitz, glamor, and millions, and they are people just like you and me. Athletes, and celebrities for that matter, are often held to a different standard and part of me wonders if it's because the people who adore them are jealous of them. I really don't know. I do know when people ask me about celebrities, I don't really know anything. I don't pay attention to them and could care less about what they do.
As for athletes, sure I want Peyton Hillis to run for 200 yards, Greg Little to catch 3 touchdown passes from Colt McCoy, and Jabaal Sheard to sack the quarterback 5 times, but I could care less what they do outside of the game. Even when Hillis was dealing with public scrutiny and seemed to be making off-field mistakes, I felt it was all being overblown. Guys like Haden are lauded because he's out in the community, becoming part of Cleveland. We shouldn't alienate players who avoid the limelight, stay in the shadows.
Not everyone wants the spotlight.
They just want to play the game they love to play.
So let them and when they're gone, remember them for what they did while with the team, not how they left.
I wasn't going to write right away, but came across a story about a book written about Walter Payton that made me stop and think. In it, it talked about how like so many other athletes, a false sense of who he was was put out there for the public and the public ate it up, unaware to the things going on in his personal life.
It made me think about how I used to idolize certain professional players as a kid and in many cases, emulated the way they played when I would play a sport. In football, I was Bernie Kosar. In basketball, I was Mark Price. In baseball, well, I grew up with some pretty poor Indians teams but I always liked Cory Snyder and Brook Jacoby.
I would even emulate the broadcasters of the time, Nev Chandler for the Browns and Joe Tait for the Cavs. I loved the players on the Cavs and Browns from the late 80's into the 90's.
I stopped idolizing players years ago though.
Sure, there are players that come around that I latch onto. Usually they're the guys that no one else really roots for or thinks will succeed because I'm a sucker for the underdog. When the Indians were tearing up baseball in the mid-90's, my favorite players were Kenny Lofton, Sandy Alomar Jr, and Charles Nagy. More recently, I was one of the first to mention an idea that Jason Kipnis could become something special and made sure to watch his development.
With the Browns, some of my previous favorite players were Eric Turner, Steve Everitt, Kevin Johnson, Ernest Byner, Kevin Mack, Ozzie Newsome, and Eric Metcalf. More recently, I've counted Mike Adams, Joe Haden, and TJ Ward as some of my favorites.
But I don't idolize them. The one thing I've seen time and time again is that professional sports may entail a game, but they are run as business first and foremost. This means if a player isn't performing or doesn't like where he's playing, he's gone. That player you spent seven seasons idolizing is now playing somewhere else.
Remember LeBron James?
Did I enjoy watching him play when he was a Cav? Absolutely. Did he say all the right things while he was here to the media? He sure did. In fact, up until "The Decision," he was a marketing genius. He had the city and it's fans eating out of the palm of his hand.
We all know how that turned out.
Now he's widely considered a villian, a player that other fans love to boo, not just because of him being on the opposing team, but because of how he went about leaving. Now Orlando Magic fans are facing the prospect of Dwight Howard doing to them what LeBron did to Cleveland on the heels of what Carmelo Anthony did to Denver and Chris Paul did to the Clippers. Some have already said to get rid of him if he doesn't want to play in their city.
Yet for those who've decided the guy is a bum and get rid of him, there are people who will be hurt by that athlete leaving. I remember watching the news after LeBron left and one of the images was a woman crying.
Over a professional athlete.
Which is what leads me to what I'm getting at with this. So many people invest way too much into sports. They live on every game, pay attention to every stat, digest every interview as if it's their job. They call into talk radio shows to tell anyone who will listen what they think the team/player should do.
If the team wins, they celebrate as if they were on the team. When they lose, it ruins their day, week, month, and even year. Next thing you know, someone's producing a video like the guy who did the "Factory of Sadness" thing. No, I didn't watch it and I don't intend to.
From where I sit, there are far too many people who turn watching sports into an obsession. Things like fantasy sports make this worse as in some cases, people don't even care of their team wins as long as the players they have on their fantasy team perform. There are people who literally hang on every play as if the world is going to end.
I don't know how healthy that is.
I love sports. I think there are few things better than sitting back and watching a game on tv or going to a sporting event. It's even better when it's football or baseball because Rachel will watch with me. Do I want to see the Cleveland teams win? Absolutely. But them losing doesn't ruin my day, crush my soul, or make me want to spend the next week spewing venom about them.
Maybe I'm a glass half-full kind of guy with sports, but I can still dig through a loss and see what the team did right rather than just dwell on the negative. Hell, most people can't see the positive after a win, much less a loss. I've heard way too many people call in after a WIN and point out everything the team did wrong. This became especially prevalent when LeBron was putting on a show every night for Cavs fans. They'd win by 30 and people would be calling in talking about how bad the defense was, or how this guy missed 3 shots he should've made, and so on.
It's become disgusting anymore.
The more dangerous people though are the ones who idolize athletes to the point of being obsessed with them. You can have a favorite player and root for them. But when it becomes all you can talk about, all you can think about, you may have a problem. It's fine when you're eight and think that Joe Haden is the best player ever and you want to be like him. It's another when you're 38 and still like that.
It becomes sad though when you find out that the person you root for isn't as on the up and up as you thought he was. The story about Walter Payton talks about how he had a child out of wedlock right before his wife gave birth to their second child, then was worried that his wife and girlfriend would run into each other at his Hall of Fame induction speech.
This after he was named father of the year.
As the story points out, we live in an age where TMZ, the internet, and Twitter expose us to things we'd rarely hear about 30 years ago. Now we find out about every last little incident the moment it happens. If an athlete has an affair, gets caught with drugs or drinking and driving, or has any other kind of incident, they get put on trial with public first and foremost.
Certainly athletes are still on a pedestal, but it isn't like it used to be and it shouldn't be. Take away all the glitz, glamor, and millions, and they are people just like you and me. Athletes, and celebrities for that matter, are often held to a different standard and part of me wonders if it's because the people who adore them are jealous of them. I really don't know. I do know when people ask me about celebrities, I don't really know anything. I don't pay attention to them and could care less about what they do.
As for athletes, sure I want Peyton Hillis to run for 200 yards, Greg Little to catch 3 touchdown passes from Colt McCoy, and Jabaal Sheard to sack the quarterback 5 times, but I could care less what they do outside of the game. Even when Hillis was dealing with public scrutiny and seemed to be making off-field mistakes, I felt it was all being overblown. Guys like Haden are lauded because he's out in the community, becoming part of Cleveland. We shouldn't alienate players who avoid the limelight, stay in the shadows.
Not everyone wants the spotlight.
They just want to play the game they love to play.
So let them and when they're gone, remember them for what they did while with the team, not how they left.
Monday, December 19, 2011
christmas list 2011
Before I get into my yearly Christmas list, let me start by putting in my two cents worth on the NBA, the Browns, and the Indians.
First, I'll be the first to admit that there is a chance I will watch some NBA games this year. Will I be following as closely as I have in the past? No. I will keep up with what's going on with the Cavs, but I will not be glued to the tv. For one, I'm tired of the NBA. I'm tired of the players controlling the league the way they have the last several years and tired of superstars "demanding" trades because they want to play under brighter lights.
I will also sit and say that I'm glad that Dan Gilbert owns the Cavs. Sure, he comes across as whiny, but given what his franchise has endured, I'll take a passionate owner who wants things to get better for small market teams than an owner who virtually disappears.
As for those who "demand" the Indians be more active in free agency this winter, have you seen the list of free agents? It's not exactly causing teams to stumble over themselves for a majority of the players. Sure, Prince Fielder is still out there, but anyone who thinks the Indians are going to tie up their payroll on Fielder is out of their mind. The Indians aren't going to make a big splash in free agency, mostly because it seems like 76% of the players are represented by Scott Boras, who has made it clear he only "allows" his clients to sign with larger markets for insane contracts. In short, when Boras is involved, all the teams except for the Dodgers, Red Sox, Yankees, and Mets are pretty eliminated from the get-go unless another team grossly overpays for his player.
The Indians are always going to be a team that has to get it absolutely 100% right and have everything break their way to make the playoffs. So everyone who wants to complain about the lack of activity, blame it on the lack of quality free agents and a market that eliminates teams like the Indians before they even can make an offer.
Finally, and maybe I'll make all of these "wants" for my Christmas list, I'm tired of the media and Browns "fans" crying. If you don't like Colt McCoy, great. But you can't tell me he's been given a fair situation. All year he's run for his life, had no running game, and when he is accurate, his receivers drop the ball. So yes, he does have room to improve, but he could also use better blocking, better running backs, and receivers who hold on to the ball. He hasn't had that much of the year so I don't think it's fair to throw him out because you don't like him, which is what it seems to come down to.
In any case, it's become frustrating to listen to sports talk more and more over the last several months so before I start my list, let me say there's a reason that none of us who listen to sports talk or host sports talk are actually general managers in professional sports. As much as we "claim" to know, we actually know very little and would be like deer in headlights if we actually tried to run a team.
Now then, on to the actual list.
Dammit.
Each year I write up a list of things I'd like for Christmas. Some are real, some aren't so it's up to you to figure out what is and isn't.
It really shouldn't be that difficult.
Dear Santa,
Each year I write you a list and publish it for everyone to see. Each year, you come up woefully short. Every following year, I chastise you for your shortcomings and am convinced there's some sort of issue, whether it be elf labor problems, product shortages, or simple ineptness on your part. Each year, nothing changes, so I've decided to take a slightly different route when it comes to debating why you fail to come through.
In all fairness, I don't really remember what I wrote last year. Or the year before that. Hell, I have no idea how long I've been doing this, although I do know it's been at least 5 years now. The very first one was written back in 2006 in fact. The problem is I never write them in the same blog. The first couple were on Myspace, which of course fell off the wagon once Facebook came along, which was where the next few were. I also think I skipped a year.
I'm not sure. Apparently the first thing I should ask for is better memory, or take a vitamin that helps with that since I never seem to be able to remember much anymore and it's caused more than one dispute with my girlfriend, friends, and family.
And now I'm totally off point.
I've decided that the problem, Santa, is that you're overbooked and understaffed. Now, I realize economic times have been tough and everyone's cutting back, but this has been the case for years now. Either you were way ahead of the curve in anticipation of the recession, or you've always been a cheap bastard, but in any case you might want to consider hiring extra elves to help get your toys together.
I also am willing to concede that in recent years, the toys have become much more elaborate and since you build all your toys, maybe it's taking longer as your elves have to learn how to build anything from a Baby Alive to an Xbox 360, which is quite complicated. No longer are you building simple wooden horses and jack in the boxes. No, now you have action figures which have more complicated assemply instructions than military-grade weapons.
Maybe there's a different issue. Maybe all these companies who create these toys fail to give you accurate instructions on how to build their products. Or maybe they're charging such a high building fee that you've been forced to reduce your labor force in exchange for the right to build the toys.
Or maybe you've experienced a work stoppage similar to the NFL and NBA. Were your superstar elves demanding bigger paychecks even though you were experiencing revenue declines? Did you hold firm against those underappreciative elves, or did you follow the NBA and give in to the whiny little bastards? We're all curious to know what the end result was Santa.
Whatever it is, it's time for you to figure this out. I'm sure Microsoft has no problem shipping a bunch of Xbox's worldwide with a "from Santa" tag on them for a nominal fee that would likely be cheaper than trying to build them yourself. Then you could reallocate some of your elf labor to other areas that they are much better suited for.
Just a suggestion.
In the meantime, here's my wishlist for 2011.
* A pony - well, why not?
* A laptop - after what happened with my computer hard drive, I think it's time to reinvest in a laptop. Maybe I'll even have sound this time!
* A nuclear sub - There's no substitute for a nuclear sub. Torpedos aren't necessary, but it would be nice. I hear they're kind of pricey.
* A tropical island - I like snow, but really, who could complain about a tropical island?
* The following Xbox 360 games: Halo: Anniversary, Gears of War 3, Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 2 and 3 and Black Ops (I know, I'm way behind).
* A Wii and following games: Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby's Return to Dream Land, Mario Kart, and the new Donkey Kong, which really isn't new anymore.
* A space shuttle - I want to travel in style after all
* Memory pills - seriously, I can't remember half the shit, er stuff I was going to ask for now
* A tank - I seriously doubt anyone would piss me off if I showed up in a tank
* A lifetime supply of Gatorade - must...get...off...of...pop
* My own train - sometimes you just want to ride the train
* New beaters - if you saw how ragged some of mine have become, you'd understand this one
* New shirts - ever since Rachel showed me the virtues of wearing smaller-fitting shirts, I'm hooked. Just need more now!
* More work clothes - it's just nice to have more than 5 shirts and 1 pair of pants. Sad, I know
* A reindeer - totally stolen from Rachel and it's shameless, but the more I think about it the cooler it seems.
* A grenade launcher - bet no one will piss me off if I had one of those.
* A rocket launcher - in case someone does try to piss me off despite the grenade launcher
* A Blu-Ray player - cause, you know, netflix in HD isn't enough for me
* A Playstation 3 - which you could give instead of the Blu-Ray player since it comes with one
* A new pair of rollerblades - my current pair is slowly deconstructing themselves. This past summer, one strap fell off and I'm sure more are to follow.
* A bigger HDTV - It's a guy thing. What can I say?
* World peace and domination - Although I'll probably defer command to Rachel since she's smarter than me.
* A puppy - they're just so damn cute
* A few rats - they make better pets than most would realize
* A partridge, but not in a pear tree - didn't make sense to me but I wrote it anyway
* Happiness for friends and family - seriously, everyone's been through enough shit already
* My older sister to contract smallpox - sounds mean, but she deserves it, trust me
I think that about sums it up. I'm sure there's much more, but in reality, I'm past the age where I "want" things. I'm at the point where what matters most is that my family is well and happy, and yes, that includes Rachel and Payton.
Too much this time of year people worry so much about presents and how much they need to get people when the truth is, most of us should be happy to be functioning, healthy, and capable of living ordinary lives.
Sincerely,
David "Jerkface" Kreal
First, I'll be the first to admit that there is a chance I will watch some NBA games this year. Will I be following as closely as I have in the past? No. I will keep up with what's going on with the Cavs, but I will not be glued to the tv. For one, I'm tired of the NBA. I'm tired of the players controlling the league the way they have the last several years and tired of superstars "demanding" trades because they want to play under brighter lights.
I will also sit and say that I'm glad that Dan Gilbert owns the Cavs. Sure, he comes across as whiny, but given what his franchise has endured, I'll take a passionate owner who wants things to get better for small market teams than an owner who virtually disappears.
As for those who "demand" the Indians be more active in free agency this winter, have you seen the list of free agents? It's not exactly causing teams to stumble over themselves for a majority of the players. Sure, Prince Fielder is still out there, but anyone who thinks the Indians are going to tie up their payroll on Fielder is out of their mind. The Indians aren't going to make a big splash in free agency, mostly because it seems like 76% of the players are represented by Scott Boras, who has made it clear he only "allows" his clients to sign with larger markets for insane contracts. In short, when Boras is involved, all the teams except for the Dodgers, Red Sox, Yankees, and Mets are pretty eliminated from the get-go unless another team grossly overpays for his player.
The Indians are always going to be a team that has to get it absolutely 100% right and have everything break their way to make the playoffs. So everyone who wants to complain about the lack of activity, blame it on the lack of quality free agents and a market that eliminates teams like the Indians before they even can make an offer.
Finally, and maybe I'll make all of these "wants" for my Christmas list, I'm tired of the media and Browns "fans" crying. If you don't like Colt McCoy, great. But you can't tell me he's been given a fair situation. All year he's run for his life, had no running game, and when he is accurate, his receivers drop the ball. So yes, he does have room to improve, but he could also use better blocking, better running backs, and receivers who hold on to the ball. He hasn't had that much of the year so I don't think it's fair to throw him out because you don't like him, which is what it seems to come down to.
In any case, it's become frustrating to listen to sports talk more and more over the last several months so before I start my list, let me say there's a reason that none of us who listen to sports talk or host sports talk are actually general managers in professional sports. As much as we "claim" to know, we actually know very little and would be like deer in headlights if we actually tried to run a team.
Now then, on to the actual list.
Dammit.
Each year I write up a list of things I'd like for Christmas. Some are real, some aren't so it's up to you to figure out what is and isn't.
It really shouldn't be that difficult.
Dear Santa,
Each year I write you a list and publish it for everyone to see. Each year, you come up woefully short. Every following year, I chastise you for your shortcomings and am convinced there's some sort of issue, whether it be elf labor problems, product shortages, or simple ineptness on your part. Each year, nothing changes, so I've decided to take a slightly different route when it comes to debating why you fail to come through.
In all fairness, I don't really remember what I wrote last year. Or the year before that. Hell, I have no idea how long I've been doing this, although I do know it's been at least 5 years now. The very first one was written back in 2006 in fact. The problem is I never write them in the same blog. The first couple were on Myspace, which of course fell off the wagon once Facebook came along, which was where the next few were. I also think I skipped a year.
I'm not sure. Apparently the first thing I should ask for is better memory, or take a vitamin that helps with that since I never seem to be able to remember much anymore and it's caused more than one dispute with my girlfriend, friends, and family.
And now I'm totally off point.
I've decided that the problem, Santa, is that you're overbooked and understaffed. Now, I realize economic times have been tough and everyone's cutting back, but this has been the case for years now. Either you were way ahead of the curve in anticipation of the recession, or you've always been a cheap bastard, but in any case you might want to consider hiring extra elves to help get your toys together.
I also am willing to concede that in recent years, the toys have become much more elaborate and since you build all your toys, maybe it's taking longer as your elves have to learn how to build anything from a Baby Alive to an Xbox 360, which is quite complicated. No longer are you building simple wooden horses and jack in the boxes. No, now you have action figures which have more complicated assemply instructions than military-grade weapons.
Maybe there's a different issue. Maybe all these companies who create these toys fail to give you accurate instructions on how to build their products. Or maybe they're charging such a high building fee that you've been forced to reduce your labor force in exchange for the right to build the toys.
Or maybe you've experienced a work stoppage similar to the NFL and NBA. Were your superstar elves demanding bigger paychecks even though you were experiencing revenue declines? Did you hold firm against those underappreciative elves, or did you follow the NBA and give in to the whiny little bastards? We're all curious to know what the end result was Santa.
Whatever it is, it's time for you to figure this out. I'm sure Microsoft has no problem shipping a bunch of Xbox's worldwide with a "from Santa" tag on them for a nominal fee that would likely be cheaper than trying to build them yourself. Then you could reallocate some of your elf labor to other areas that they are much better suited for.
Just a suggestion.
In the meantime, here's my wishlist for 2011.
* A pony - well, why not?
* A laptop - after what happened with my computer hard drive, I think it's time to reinvest in a laptop. Maybe I'll even have sound this time!
* A nuclear sub - There's no substitute for a nuclear sub. Torpedos aren't necessary, but it would be nice. I hear they're kind of pricey.
* A tropical island - I like snow, but really, who could complain about a tropical island?
* The following Xbox 360 games: Halo: Anniversary, Gears of War 3, Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 2 and 3 and Black Ops (I know, I'm way behind).
* A Wii and following games: Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby's Return to Dream Land, Mario Kart, and the new Donkey Kong, which really isn't new anymore.
* A space shuttle - I want to travel in style after all
* Memory pills - seriously, I can't remember half the shit, er stuff I was going to ask for now
* A tank - I seriously doubt anyone would piss me off if I showed up in a tank
* A lifetime supply of Gatorade - must...get...off...of...pop
* My own train - sometimes you just want to ride the train
* New beaters - if you saw how ragged some of mine have become, you'd understand this one
* New shirts - ever since Rachel showed me the virtues of wearing smaller-fitting shirts, I'm hooked. Just need more now!
* More work clothes - it's just nice to have more than 5 shirts and 1 pair of pants. Sad, I know
* A reindeer - totally stolen from Rachel and it's shameless, but the more I think about it the cooler it seems.
* A grenade launcher - bet no one will piss me off if I had one of those.
* A rocket launcher - in case someone does try to piss me off despite the grenade launcher
* A Blu-Ray player - cause, you know, netflix in HD isn't enough for me
* A Playstation 3 - which you could give instead of the Blu-Ray player since it comes with one
* A new pair of rollerblades - my current pair is slowly deconstructing themselves. This past summer, one strap fell off and I'm sure more are to follow.
* A bigger HDTV - It's a guy thing. What can I say?
* World peace and domination - Although I'll probably defer command to Rachel since she's smarter than me.
* A puppy - they're just so damn cute
* A few rats - they make better pets than most would realize
* A partridge, but not in a pear tree - didn't make sense to me but I wrote it anyway
* Happiness for friends and family - seriously, everyone's been through enough shit already
* My older sister to contract smallpox - sounds mean, but she deserves it, trust me
I think that about sums it up. I'm sure there's much more, but in reality, I'm past the age where I "want" things. I'm at the point where what matters most is that my family is well and happy, and yes, that includes Rachel and Payton.
Too much this time of year people worry so much about presents and how much they need to get people when the truth is, most of us should be happy to be functioning, healthy, and capable of living ordinary lives.
Sincerely,
David "Jerkface" Kreal
Sunday, December 4, 2011
she's a comedian
It's a good thing I have a decent sense of humor.
A little while back, I asked Rachel to provide me with a Christmas list. Not so much because I had no clue what to get her, but just to get a feel for what she wanted or maybe find something that I hadn't thought about. She of course hesitated because like me, she doesn't like asking for things and when she has to think about it, she draws a blank.
Well, last night she finally provided me with not one, not two, but three separate lists. I'm going to put them up here and you can try to decide what she was serious about and what she was being funny about. Well, you'll know because I'll be telling you why she put certain items on the list.
This is sort of a prequel to my annual Christmas list, which still hasn't been completely finalized, but I expect to be up sometime in the near future.
Probably after the new year.
Rachel's Christmas List
1. New laptop - this was directly in response to me talking about wanting a laptop.
2. Work pants - a legitimate need since the animals are trying to rip her current pants apart.
3. Ring - I consider it a legitimate item.
4. Necklace - see #3.
5. Chipotle - those who know are aware of our obsession with Chipotle. I consider this legitimate.
6. Blow dryer - this was result of us having to run to CVS because we needed a new blow dryer to finish the plastic on the windows.
7. Crayons - we had just finished breaking a bunch of crayons for my niece's crayon maker.
8. Coloring books - the perfect compliment to crayons!
9. Jeep Grand Cherokee
10. Jeep Wrangler - you know, she'll take one or the other if I can't afford both.
11. "Your" graphics card - referring to my graphics card that my mom wanted after my computer crashed and burned.
12. 80" LED TV - a direct mock of the commercials we've been seeing.
13. Blu-ray player - because I asked for one.
14. Jeans 3-5 - legitimate. I think.
15. Socks - this one threw me off the trail.
16. Shirts sm-md - another legit one. I think again.
17. Anti-Pook screen - if you've dealt with my cat Pook, you'll understand this one.
18. Tape - because she ran out of tape after wrapping most of the presents.
19. Glue - this one also threw me off the trail.
20. Flying reindeer - she just, you know, wanted one.
21. The clapper - she thought of this when I got up to shut the light off.
22. Printer ink - this one is probably legit.
23. Watch - she's been looking for one for a while now.
24. Safety scissors - after the incident with Payton's hair, we can't have enough of these.
25. Heating blanket - after all, she is ALWAYS cold.
26. Peyton Hillis - she likes his arms.
27. Travis Hafner - and his too
28. Easy feet - it's like a carwash for your feet!
29. Forever lazy - gotta love pajamas that come with a hatch in the back. I admit, they look fricking awesome.
That's what we have so far. I wouldn't be surprised if she adds more, but I think this gives you a good idea of how amazing her sense of humor is. I love this woman and can't wait to see how she reacts to what I do end up getting her.
I'm exceptionally curious to see what she got me.
Maybe I won't get a lump of coal this year.
A little while back, I asked Rachel to provide me with a Christmas list. Not so much because I had no clue what to get her, but just to get a feel for what she wanted or maybe find something that I hadn't thought about. She of course hesitated because like me, she doesn't like asking for things and when she has to think about it, she draws a blank.
Well, last night she finally provided me with not one, not two, but three separate lists. I'm going to put them up here and you can try to decide what she was serious about and what she was being funny about. Well, you'll know because I'll be telling you why she put certain items on the list.
This is sort of a prequel to my annual Christmas list, which still hasn't been completely finalized, but I expect to be up sometime in the near future.
Probably after the new year.
Rachel's Christmas List
1. New laptop - this was directly in response to me talking about wanting a laptop.
2. Work pants - a legitimate need since the animals are trying to rip her current pants apart.
3. Ring - I consider it a legitimate item.
4. Necklace - see #3.
5. Chipotle - those who know are aware of our obsession with Chipotle. I consider this legitimate.
6. Blow dryer - this was result of us having to run to CVS because we needed a new blow dryer to finish the plastic on the windows.
7. Crayons - we had just finished breaking a bunch of crayons for my niece's crayon maker.
8. Coloring books - the perfect compliment to crayons!
9. Jeep Grand Cherokee
10. Jeep Wrangler - you know, she'll take one or the other if I can't afford both.
11. "Your" graphics card - referring to my graphics card that my mom wanted after my computer crashed and burned.
12. 80" LED TV - a direct mock of the commercials we've been seeing.
13. Blu-ray player - because I asked for one.
14. Jeans 3-5 - legitimate. I think.
15. Socks - this one threw me off the trail.
16. Shirts sm-md - another legit one. I think again.
17. Anti-Pook screen - if you've dealt with my cat Pook, you'll understand this one.
18. Tape - because she ran out of tape after wrapping most of the presents.
19. Glue - this one also threw me off the trail.
20. Flying reindeer - she just, you know, wanted one.
21. The clapper - she thought of this when I got up to shut the light off.
22. Printer ink - this one is probably legit.
23. Watch - she's been looking for one for a while now.
24. Safety scissors - after the incident with Payton's hair, we can't have enough of these.
25. Heating blanket - after all, she is ALWAYS cold.
26. Peyton Hillis - she likes his arms.
27. Travis Hafner - and his too
28. Easy feet - it's like a carwash for your feet!
29. Forever lazy - gotta love pajamas that come with a hatch in the back. I admit, they look fricking awesome.
That's what we have so far. I wouldn't be surprised if she adds more, but I think this gives you a good idea of how amazing her sense of humor is. I love this woman and can't wait to see how she reacts to what I do end up getting her.
I'm exceptionally curious to see what she got me.
Maybe I won't get a lump of coal this year.
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