Once in a while, I have two concurrent thoughts running through my head, both of them vying for my attention and demanding they be written about.
That's where I'm at right now.
On one hand, I've had a lot of thoughts about what it's been like being a dad for 2 and 1/2 years now. On the other hand, the Powerball jackpot is $1.5 BILLION.
Let that word resonate.
BILLION.
It's a big number and if my boss's conspiracy theory is correct, there will be somewhere along the lines of 32 winners tonight after having no winners for quite some time.
It's a pretty demanding subject to think about.
There's a lot you can do with all that money. Many people on Twitter and Facebook have talked about what they'd do with that kind of money. I've seen people posting about multiple week vacations, buying fancy cars, mansions, and a lot of other silly things that often lead people to being broke within 7 years of winning.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people talking about who'd they share their winnings with and who'd they donate money to. One person tweeted they'd donate half of the money they won.
Those willing to share and spread the wealth deserve a hand. Those thinking of how much they want to buy also deserve a hand. It takes a certain level of bravery to admit you'd be wasteful with your winnings.
What does this have to do with Kylie though?
Well, I think the obvious is that if I were to win the lottery (or have some friendly soul share a portion with me), Kylie's life would be far different from what mine was. She certainly would have far less to worry about and if I invest things properly, she'd have more than enough money to help her get by well into her adult life.
The lottery is a fascinating thing though. Obviously the more that people put into it without a winner, the higher it goes, yet you always hear people say it's not worth playing when it's "just $50 million." I mean, that's nothing to sneeze at considering I make roughly $35k a year at this point. Even the million dollar secondary prize with the Powerball would be incredible for me, yet people scoff at the notion of playing the lottery unless it's over $100 million or more.
For the sake of discussion, here is a list of things I'd do *IF* I won the lottery of any sort (much less this one):
- IMMEDIATELY split the amount in half and set aside one half to invest in various things. What things aren't completely decided, but high-interest accounts and at least one or two trust funds would be mandatory. This would ensure that the money would continue to grow in the future.
- Immediate family and friends would get a healthy portion of the money that wasn't invested. How much is undecided, but they would be far from poor after I'm done.
- I'd buy a large parcel of land and have a house built there. The house would be 4-5 bedrooms and have one additionally large room that would be used as my gaming/streaming/recording/editing command center. I'm also considering a small kennel as well for dog-fostering purposes.
- I'd buy a Jeep Cherokee for every day use, a Wrangler for fun, and possibly a quad-cab Ram for those inevitable times that someone needs a truck to move something. Yes, the Wrangler would be heavily customized/modded.
- I'd have a deck, pool, dog run/kennel, kids play area, and covered basketball court in my backyard. Much of it would have a large privacy fence around it to contain Kylie and however many dogs I end up having. Yes, a basketball court is a bit much, but it's super annoying trying to find a good place to shoot some hoops.
- My command center would consist of my main PC for gaming, a streaming PC used to run my live stream, and a third PC that would be built so that I could test new PC hardware/software before giving said stuff away on one of my streams. This means I'd quit my current job so I could do this sort of thing full-time. One of each console would be present in the room for my stream/recording sessions and the room would be soundproof as well.
- I'd do a number of things I've always wanted to do including riding the Amtrak into Glacier National Park, a cross-country road trip that includes a drive down the Pacific Coast Highway, a cruise, and whatever else my brain thinks of.
- I'd buy season tickets to the Indians, Browns, and Cavs. I'd also try to get to as many Ohio State football games as well.
- Random streamers I enjoy on the internet would get large donations from me. I'd essentially try to do as much for other people who clearly deserve as I can. If someone makes enjoyable videos but needs a new piece for their set-up, I'd gladly help make the dream come true as long as I wasn't approached directly by them.
- I'd ignore virtually EVERYONE who comes looking for a handout though. If I deem you worthy of receiving monetary help, I'd come to you. Anyone who directly asks me for anything is not getting a penny. I'm going to be more than generous if I win. Don't be a turd and go looking for me to help you.
- I'd donate a large amount to St. Jude, ExtraLife, and any other charity I deem worthy. Streamers doing charity streams? I'd consider donating again to help the cause.
No, those aren't good.
But it's fun to think about, and I certainly hope that whoever wins is smart with the money and doesn't go blowing it on 8 cars, 5 houses, 3 boats, and weekend visits to Las Vegas (for the love of all that is holy, DON'T GAMBLE IT ALL AWAY! If you're gonna do that, give it to other people instead).
But most importantly, it would give Kylie a great life. She'd have virtually anything she wanted and/or needed. She'd never have to worry about whether there was enough money for something. We could go places and do things otherwise not possible.
But she's already a blast as is, so I guess if I don't win, life will be just fine regardless.
But kids.
There are things that aren't in the Parenting manual (not that I was given one; I'm just assuming that the things I've encountered weren't mentioned anyway) and probably with good reason. If you knew of some of the things you'd see, you probably wouldn't have kids.
There are things you come to expect, such as writing on the wall and food being smeared around. You know that potty training is going to be, uh, messy and you know they aren't always going to want to eat actual food.
When I hear Kylie say "uh uh, no WAY" and have no idea where she heard that? That's when you realize that you are never completely prepared.
Let's roll it back to when they're born though. They don't do a whole lot besides grunt, cry, and poop.
Remember crying and poop. Those things don't go away.
Then they start rolling around. They start babbling and sometimes they even smile and laugh. Then stuff comes flying out of their mouth that you weren't at all prepared for and it's the one time you forgot to put a little blanket on your shoulder.
They learn to crawl and learn to eat food. This seems great, except when they learn to eat food, they learn by most of it actually missing their mouth. It ends up all over their face, their bib, their clothes (despite the bib), their hands, and most impressively, objects at least 15 feet away just because they waved their hands at the most inopportune time. There's also a 94% chance food is on you just because you're trying to get the spoon in their mouth while they bob and weave.
The messiness never really eases up. Sure, the food and drink starts to find its way into their mouth, but spills become very common. They don't understand that turning a plate sideways means the potatoes slide off. They don't really think that running with a lidless cup means liquids are sloshing all over the place. They're exceptionally surprised when a spill happens, but early on they try to help clean it up, thus spreading the mess because cleaning it up means putting the soaked paper towel on the couch instead of the garbage can.
Speaking of garbage cans, watch what's in their before closing it up. It's very likely an important thing is in there, such as when my niece threw my mom's computer mouse away.
Lord help you if they figure out what happens when you squeeze a bottle of baby powder.
Also, it should be noted that if you think it's out of reach, it's actually considered a challenge for them to find a way to get it down. Eventually they'll figure it out and they WILL get the item down.
Computers are just things that make funny noises when you hit certain keys, especially ones that delete things that might be important or change the zoom level to 500%, making it impossible to revert back unless you know the keyboard shortcut.
I've come home to my icons rearranged, my mic detached from its shock mount, and a having seen me spew a crap ton of gibberish into JonOfAllGame's livestream chat. Shoutout to that time that Kylie made the "L" key log me off of my computer as well. That was a good time.
Clothes ultimately are giant bibs. It's almost assured that the moment you put clean clothes on a toddler, those clothes will be covered in things you didn't know were in your home. Pants are also optional as it's far more enjoyable to run around without them.
They will find the things you stash, stash the things you need, and change your phone's language to one you've never heard of.
They will pick up on things that you do, such as wiping off a movie disc with your sleeve or what time you take your meds. They will want things they have no business wanting, but avoid things you know they like just because they aren't in the mood.
In the last six months, Kylie has learned how to fist bump, high five, double high five, spit in the sink, wipe after she's peed in her diaper (potty training; ugh), tell us that she's pooped, told me NO WAY to anything she doesn't want to do, and scratched up my face more times than I care to admit (I currently have a small scratch on my nose thanks to her).
She's also learned that the couch springs are really bouncy, and couple this with her recent discovery of actual jumping, and I often come home to cushions on the floor and a child bouncing on the love seat.
It sounds horrific and entertaining at the same time, and it is.
But she's so much fun. She likes to run around and be chased. She's turned me into a slide and kicked me off the couch ("my spot!"). She yells "I got you!" when she grabs my arm and we have spent many nights hiding under the blanket from, well, who knows. But if I speak too loud, she looks at me and shushes me.
We take walks outside when it's nice. She sits in my lap when I'm at my computer and watches Jon and others stream (she particularly likes Jon's stream and anyone playing Mario). She often can be found cuddling up in the morning and evening when she's not playing.
She likes to be tossed around, but she also sometimes just wants to be left alone to be in her own world with whatever toy she has. She can sit for upwards of a half hour sometimes just minding her own business playing. Those are some of my favorite moments because she's clearly in her own world, not worried about a thing.
I've realized there are few things more peaceful than a child sleeping. I knew it before Kylie, but it's become even more evident now that I've been able to occasionally watch her in her sleep. Everything seems all right in her world at that moment.
Then I remember I have all her damn blocks to clean up because she dumped them on the floor and then kicked them all over the place.
Being a parent is truly not for everyone though. You need patience, you need understanding, and you need Tums sometimes to survive them at their worst. Kylie has her days when she's whiny and crying over virtually everything. She cries a lot when I leave, but I know she gets over it.
Yet all the bad goes out the window when I walk in the door (or haven't even made it to the building) and I hear her yelling "Daddy!" and she comes running full speed at me to hug my leg and show me what she was doing.
Except when she's covered in baby powder.
The main thing I want to impart on you is to enjoy your kids. Remember they're still learning and you're one of the most important teachers they have. Treasure the time you have because you never know when life will step in and change things on you.
Especially you single parents out there. It isn't always easy, especially if you are at the point I'll be at in a few months where you don't get to see your kid every day. Make the most of the time you have and don't hold on to the negative.
Oh, and go win the lottery and give me $10 million.
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