Talking about kids and the Powerball jackpot

Typically, when I want to write a post, I try to come up with a singular idea and then attempt to flesh it out in my head so that I can write enough words to justify the effort.

Once in a while, I have two concurrent thoughts running through my head, both of them vying for my attention and demanding they be written about.

That's where I'm at right now.

On one hand, I've had a lot of thoughts about what it's been like being a dad for 2 and 1/2 years now. On the other hand, the Powerball jackpot is $1.5 BILLION.

Let that word resonate.

BILLION.

It's a big number and if my boss's conspiracy theory is correct, there will be somewhere along the lines of 32 winners tonight after having no winners for quite some time.

It's a pretty demanding subject to think about.

There's a lot you can do with all that money. Many people on Twitter and Facebook have talked about what they'd do with that kind of money. I've seen people posting about multiple week vacations, buying fancy cars, mansions, and a lot of other silly things that often lead people to being broke within 7 years of winning.

On the other hand, there are plenty of people talking about who'd they share their winnings with and who'd they donate money to. One person tweeted they'd donate half of the money they won.

Those willing to share and spread the wealth deserve a hand. Those thinking of how much they want to buy also deserve a hand. It takes a certain level of bravery to admit you'd be wasteful with your winnings.

What does this have to do with Kylie though?

Well, I think the obvious is that if I were to win the lottery (or have some friendly soul share a portion with me), Kylie's life would be far different from what mine was. She certainly would have far less to worry about and if I invest things properly, she'd have more than enough money to help her get by well into her adult life.

The lottery is a fascinating thing though. Obviously the more that people put into it without a winner, the higher it goes, yet you always hear people say it's not worth playing when it's "just $50 million." I mean, that's nothing to sneeze at considering I make roughly $35k a year at this point. Even the million dollar secondary prize with the Powerball would be incredible for me, yet people scoff at the notion of playing the lottery unless it's over $100 million or more.

For the sake of discussion, here is a list of things I'd do *IF* I won the lottery of any sort (much less this one):

• IMMEDIATELY split the amount in half and set aside one half to invest in various things. What things aren't completely decided, but high-interest accounts and at least one or two trust funds would be mandatory. This would ensure that the money would continue to grow in the future.
  
• Immediate family and friends would get a healthy portion of the money that wasn't invested. How much is undecided, but they would be far from poor after I'm done.
  
• I'd buy a large parcel of land and have a house built there. The house would be 4-5 bedrooms and have one additionally large room that would be used as my gaming/streaming/recording/editing command center. I'm also considering a small kennel as well for dog-fostering purposes.
  
• I'd buy a Jeep Cherokee for every day use, a Wrangler for fun, and possibly a quad-cab Ram for those inevitable times that someone needs a truck to move something. Yes, the Wrangler would be heavily customized/modded.
  
• I'd have a deck, pool, dog run/kennel, kids play area, and covered basketball court in my backyard. Much of it would have a large privacy fence around it to contain Kylie and however many dogs I end up having. Yes, a basketball court is a bit much, but it's super annoying trying to find a good place to shoot some hoops.
  
• My command center would consist of my main PC for gaming, a streaming PC used to run my live stream, and a third PC that would be built so that I could test new PC hardware/software before giving said stuff away on one of my streams. This means I'd quit my current job so I could do this sort of thing full-time. One of each console would be present in the room for my stream/recording sessions and the room would be soundproof as well.
  
• I'd do a number of things I've always wanted to do including riding the Amtrak into Glacier National Park, a cross-country road trip that includes a drive down the Pacific Coast Highway, a cruise, and whatever else my brain thinks of.
  
• I'd buy season tickets to the Indians, Browns, and Cavs. I'd also try to get to as many Ohio State football games as well.
  
• Random streamers I enjoy on the internet would get large donations from me. I'd essentially try to do as much for other people who clearly deserve as I can. If someone makes enjoyable videos but needs a new piece for their set-up, I'd gladly help make the dream come true as long as I wasn't approached directly by them.
  
• I'd ignore virtually EVERYONE who comes looking for a handout though. If I deem you worthy of receiving monetary help, I'd come to you. Anyone who directly asks me for anything is not getting a penny. I'm going to be more than generous if I win. Don't be a turd and go looking for me to help you.
  
• I'd donate a large amount to St. Jude, ExtraLife, and any other charity I deem worthy. Streamers doing charity streams? I'd consider donating again to help the cause.
  

Remember, these are hypothetical based on me winning, which frankly isn't going to happen. I mean, it would be nice and I'd definitely be grateful, but the odds are 1 in 292 million.


No, those aren't good.

But it's fun to think about, and I certainly hope that whoever wins is smart with the money and doesn't go blowing it on 8 cars, 5 houses, 3 boats, and weekend visits to Las Vegas (for the love of all that is holy, DON'T GAMBLE IT ALL AWAY! If you're gonna do that, give it to other people instead).

But most importantly, it would give Kylie a great life. She'd have virtually anything she wanted and/or needed. She'd never have to worry about whether there was enough money for something. We could go places and do things otherwise not possible.

But she's already a blast as is, so I guess if I don't win, life will be just fine regardless.

But kids.

There are things that aren't in the Parenting manual (not that I was given one; I'm just assuming that the things I've encountered weren't mentioned anyway) and probably with good reason. If you knew of some of the things you'd see, you probably wouldn't have kids.

There are things you come to expect, such as writing on the wall and food being smeared around. You know that potty training is going to be, uh, messy and you know they aren't always going to want to eat actual food.

When I hear Kylie say "uh uh, no WAY" and have no idea where she heard that? That's when you realize that you are never completely prepared.

Let's roll it back to when they're born though. They don't do a whole lot besides grunt, cry, and poop.

Remember crying and poop. Those things don't go away.

Then they start rolling around. They start babbling and sometimes they even smile and laugh. Then stuff comes flying out of their mouth that you weren't at all prepared for and it's the one time you forgot to put a little blanket on your shoulder.

They learn to crawl and learn to eat food. This seems great, except when they learn to eat food, they learn by most of it actually missing their mouth. It ends up all over their face, their bib, their clothes (despite the bib), their hands, and most impressively, objects at least 15 feet away just because they waved their hands at the most inopportune time. There's also a 94% chance food is on you just because you're trying to get the spoon in their mouth while they bob and weave.

The messiness never really eases up. Sure, the food and drink starts to find its way into their mouth, but spills become very common. They don't understand that turning a plate sideways means the potatoes slide off. They don't really think that running with a lidless cup means liquids are sloshing all over the place. They're exceptionally surprised when a spill happens, but early on they try to help clean it up, thus spreading the mess because cleaning it up means putting the soaked paper towel on the couch instead of the garbage can.

Speaking of garbage cans, watch what's in their before closing it up. It's very likely an important thing is in there, such as when my niece threw my mom's computer mouse away.

Lord help you if they figure out what happens when you squeeze a bottle of baby powder.

Also, it should be noted that if you think it's out of reach, it's actually considered a challenge for them to find a way to get it down. Eventually they'll figure it out and they WILL get the item down.

Computers are just things that make funny noises when you hit certain keys, especially ones that delete things that might be important or change the zoom level to 500%, making it impossible to revert back unless you know the keyboard shortcut.

I've come home to my icons rearranged, my mic detached from its shock mount, and a having seen me spew a crap ton of gibberish into JonOfAllGame's livestream chat. Shoutout to that time that Kylie made the "L" key log me off of my computer as well. That was a good time.

Clothes ultimately are giant bibs. It's almost assured that the moment you put clean clothes on a toddler, those clothes will be covered in things you didn't know were in your home.  Pants are also optional as it's far more enjoyable to run around without them.

They will find the things you stash, stash the things you need, and change your phone's language to one you've never heard of.

They will pick up on things that you do, such as wiping off a movie disc with your sleeve or what time you take your meds. They will want things they have no business wanting, but avoid things you know they like just because they aren't in the mood.

In the last six months, Kylie has learned how to fist bump, high five, double high five, spit in the sink, wipe after she's peed in her diaper (potty training; ugh), tell us that she's pooped, told me NO WAY to anything she doesn't want to do, and scratched up my face more times than I care to admit (I currently have a small scratch on my nose thanks to her).

She's also learned that the couch springs are really bouncy, and couple this with her recent discovery of actual jumping, and I often come home to cushions on the floor and a child bouncing on the love seat.

It sounds horrific and entertaining at the same time, and it is.

But she's so much fun. She likes to run around and be chased. She's turned me into a slide and kicked me off the couch ("my spot!"). She yells "I got you!" when she grabs my arm and we have spent many nights hiding under the blanket from, well, who knows. But if I speak too loud, she looks at me and shushes me.

We take walks outside when it's nice. She sits in my lap when I'm at my computer and watches Jon and others stream (she particularly likes Jon's stream and anyone playing Mario). She often can be found cuddling up in the morning and evening when she's not playing.

She likes to be tossed around, but she also sometimes just wants to be left alone to be in her own world with whatever toy she has. She can sit for upwards of a half hour sometimes just minding her own business playing. Those are some of my favorite moments because she's clearly in her own world, not worried about a thing.

I've realized there are few things more peaceful than a child sleeping. I knew it before Kylie, but it's become even more evident now that I've been able to occasionally watch her in her sleep. Everything seems all right in her world at that moment.

Then I remember I have all her damn blocks to clean up because she dumped them on the floor and then kicked them all over the place.

Being a parent is truly not for everyone though. You need patience, you need understanding, and you need Tums sometimes to survive them at their worst. Kylie has her days when she's whiny and crying over virtually everything. She cries a lot when I leave, but I know she gets over it.

Yet all the bad goes out the window when I walk in the door (or haven't even made it to the building) and I hear her yelling "Daddy!" and she comes running full speed at me to hug my leg and show me what she was doing.

Except when she's covered in baby powder.

The main thing I want to impart on you is to enjoy your kids. Remember they're still learning and you're one of the most important teachers they have. Treasure the time you have because you never know when life will step in and change things on you.

Especially you single parents out there. It isn't always easy, especially if you are at the point I'll be at in a few months where you don't get to see your kid every day. Make the most of the time you have and don't hold on to the negative.

Oh, and go win the lottery and give me $10 million.

Moving Forward

Now that I've covered life changes in the previous entry, perhaps we can get back to blogging as normal.

I've typically reserved this blog to talk about sports because, well, I like sports. I like them a lot. They're much more fun when the teams I root for are good, but sometimes more entertaining when they're not.

For instance, after LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers, the team was a train wreck, but it sometimes amusing to see how poorly they'd play. Kyrie Irving made things more interesting, but the team was still bad. It became more interesting when Dion Waiters joined the team, but all in all, this team was pretty awful for the most part. Last season was perhaps once of the weirdest seasons in recent memory, drawing some entertaining commentary from social media.

Well, James is back, the team started slowly but has become a powerhouse again, and they are generally fun to watch just because when the team is clicking, they are almost unbeatable.

I also follow the Indians and the Browns, but I tend not to talk as much about them for a few reasons. With the Indians, it's such a long season and there are so many who get much more in-depth with their discussions that it never seems like I should really try to discuss them much. Baseball is probably my favorite sport to attend live, but I don't get too excited writing about it.

The Browns have just been a trainwreck since 1999, so it's been really challenging to find motivation to discuss them. Look at this past season. The team was 7-4 and looked to be on the cusp of something big, yet fell completely apart and resumed being a laughingstock again. I won't even get into all the disasters that befell this franchise, but needless to say, most of it was ugly.

Blogging used to be my way of blowing off steam, my way of dealing with the issues that I had to deal with over the course of a day, week, month, and so on. I've gotten away from that in a lot of manners, but part of me feels I need to occasionally get back into that groove. It was a great way to vent and get things off my chest.

I also have my gaming hobby that I could occasionally discuss, but I've been reluctant to bring them up simply because I'm far too casual of a gamer to feel justified in writing about anything about them. It's another situation where I feel many more people write and talk about games far more competently than I ever could, even though my knowledge of games, consoles, and PC hardware/software has grown tremendously.

So chances are pretty good that 60-75% of the content in here will still be about sports, but I'm going to try and sprinkle more random things in here. I may even occasionally put short entries detailing things that the kids of said/done since it can be pretty wild and entertaining at times.

One of the problems I am trying to tell myself to overcome is the need to write longer entries to justify the act of writing. I've never been big on putting short, concise posts up, but I think I'm getting to the point where I think putting something short and sweet up a few times a week is far better than refusing to write unless it turns into a 34 paragraph essay filled with intense and deep thoughts.

I've also considered when I do Vlogs, putting a post up with a link to that Vlog so people can check it out (especially if I'm able to embed it into the entry itself).

I feel there's so much more I can do to express myself, whether it's via blog or my channel on YouTube, but like I mentioned in my last entry, so much of it comes down to time. It's why I haven't really gone crazy promoting my channel.

It's time consuming and I just don't have the time or energy to do it on a consistent basis. Is it hurting the growth of my channel? Absolutely, just like not feeling I can commit to doing collaborations with other YouTubers is hurting the growth as well. The best I can hope for is to post the video links in here, push the videos on the sites that I do utilize, and see what happens.

In the end, I'm opinionated, but I've been keeping my opinions to myself more often than not lately.

It might be time to change that.

Anyway, thanks for being patient with me as I try to decide what's going to happen here, with my channel, and if I decide to build a web site for my "Kracker Gaming" brand.

Life Changes

It's really hard to maintain a lot of different hobbies as you get older.

Sure, when you're young, you have time to write a blog, post videos to YouTube, go out with friends, play sports, play video games, and sleep in until 2pm when you have no school/work.

Then you get older and life starts to feel like it's compressing on you. Responsibilities grow as you do. Your body, which used to be able to function just fine on 4 hours of sleep, now needs twice that to function. Those days of getting hammered and then being productive the next day? The dwindle, as does the amount of alcohol you can consume before it leaves you immobile the next day.

This is without a loved one and/or family. Now throw the additional responsibilities of having a family to maintain into the fray.

It becomes a bit much.

But it's so rewarding. So much more so than the nights of partying and friends who turn on you the moment you aren't "available" to be their taxi service anymore.

Now, I'm not saying I know anyone who's like that, because I don't. My friends have been relatively accepting of the fact that I've moved further away and don't go out really anymore. Life is full of changes and many of them have experienced their own that have completely reshaped who they are.

No, what I'm saying is as you get older, the things that are important to you change. Going out, getting hammered, and living care-free become less and less important. Getting to work on time, making sure your bills are paid, and doing honest work become much more important.

I can honestly sit here and tell you that sitting down with my almost 2 year-old little girl and playing is FAR more entertaining then getting drunk. It's far more fun than just about anything that you could possibly do. It's highly rewarding, and seeing her laugh and smile is one of the greatest gifts this life can give me.

Now, I still enjoy my video games, my sports, and taking time to relax, but quite frankly, life isn't really trying to allow me to relax. The responsibilities I have now are far greater than when I was 24. I have an apartment to pay for, utilities to take care of, people to feed, animals to take care of, and any other number of things that require my attention.

I have maybe a couple hours a day after the kids go to bed to just decompress, and that's if there's nothing else that NEEDS to be done.

But there's always something that needs to be done.

Kids really do change things in life though. You no longer can just get up and go somewhere just because you want to. You have to have someone who can watch your child, or that child is going with you. You can't just go out, get obliterated, and pass out. No, you have a child to take care of now. Life dictates that you be able to function in case something happens.

And something will happen.

Kids are mobile accidents just waiting to happen. They trip over things, they fall over nothing, they run into anything that's in their zig-zagging path. They are the equivalent of an adult who's drunk. Until they get older, you don't know what in the hell they're saying to you, and that's without them crying like crazy over some random thing that you have to figure out.

They need constant attention, and if you don't pay attention to them by choice, eventually at some point they'll give you a reason to pay attention.

They cry, they poop, they eat random things they find, and they find the most random things funny.

I love it.

I've always had kids of some sort around me from the moment my sister began popping them out several years ago, to a couple of different relationships where the woman had kids. Even this one I'm in now, I was introduced to a child just under 2 at the time who's now 5 and has the mouth of a 15 year-old (in other words, not good!).

But when it's your own actual kid?

It's different, even if you don't mean for it to be. This is something you helped create, something that is drawing inspiration from you and has many of your traits. For better and worse, it's going to take after you.

And Kylie sure does.

She's small, she's feisty, she eats everything in sight, and she runs like she was shot out of a cannon. She can drive me crazy, much like her sister, but when she needs me, also like her sister, it's the most rewarding feeling to know that they are turning to you to make them feel better.

Kylie and her sister have consumed many, many hours of my life over the last couple of years. It has drained me at times to the point that I've almost severely neglected my YouTube Channel. I haven't played basketball in months.

But I've had the time of my life.

I'm writing this because I love writing and hate that I don't have the time I'd like. By the time the kids go to bed at around 9pm, I have to decide if I'm going to play a game, work on other computer stuff, clean up some part of the apartment, or veg out and watch tv or a movie.

Often, writing isn't even on my mind.

Quite frankly, I could see my writing transitioning into Vlogs in the future, as I do enjoy doing those, but still have to find my comfort with chatting to myself about things that are on my mind.  I enjoy the aspect of recording myself either playing video games or myself alone talking about random things and putting them up for people to watch.  It's an oddly satisfying experience that I don't think I'd ever completely give up, but it's not something that I feel driven to do everyday.

I simply don't have the energy to. Nor do I have the time to go through the process of editing a ton of footage. It's why I tell people who don't have spouses or kids to make the most of their time however they see fit. That free time slowly disappears until you realize you have very little.

Again, I'm not complaining. I wouldn't trade the way things are for anything. It's more of an explanation as to why I don't write much and what happens to the average person as they get older.

Enjoy the time, but more importantly, enjoy the things that matter most to you, no matter what those things may be.

kids, marriage, and treating people differently

I had a thought today after telling my other tech she wasn't allowed to use a tissue, which was actually a joke, so relax.

We react differently in certain situations depending on whether we like someone or not.

Think about it before you sit there and say it's a load of crap.

When you like someone and they ask you to borrow something or help them something, you're quick to help out.  When you don't like them, the response ranges from a disinterested dismissal of them to coming just short of completely telling them off.

How about some examples?  Sure, sounds good to me.

When someone you like wants you to help them:

Helpless in Portland: "Hey, I need a hand trying to move this table."

You: "Sure, I'll give you a hand."

When you don't like them:

Helpless in Portland: "Hey, can you come help me move this table?"

You: "Yeah, let me tell you what I'm not going to do.  Oh, and the weather in Portland sucks too."

You know it's true.  When you are cool with someone, you'll stop and pick up something for them on the way to hang out.  If they need you to give them a ride somewhere, you do.  When you aren't cool with someone, all you can think of is how big a freeloading waste of space they are and if nothing else, ignore them.

People in general are nicer to those that they like.  I for one have a very hard time being nice to someone I don't like.  If they're lucky, I'm indifferent towards them.

Most aren't very lucky.

It was just a thought I had.

Another thought that I've had a lot lately is the thought of Rachel and I getting married someday.  Now, we're not to the point where we've talked in great detail, but we've started to discuss the idea of it and while there are things that are scary about it, it also fits what we both want down the road, and that's an actual feeling of being part of a family.

I have to thank the myriad of questions I received for getting us to talk about something that we've both been thinking about.  See, a couple days ago I put up a post saying I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Rachel.  Immediately people started asking if wedding bells were in the future.  To clarify that I had NOT proposed (yet) to Rachel, I put a post up on Facebook saying that we were not engaged to be married.  This sparked a conversation between myself and Rachel where we discovered that both of us had actually been thinking about it already.

And I have.  While there isn't a timeframe on anything, the thought of being married to Rachel has been appealing.  We get along great, we very rarely have issues with one another, and we always have fun when we spend time together.  Add in that Payton seems to adore me and you have an ideal situation from my perspective.  So yes, I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

Now some will pop up and say "it's only been 4 months, isn't it too soon to think about it?"

I think the answer to that is it's not something you can put a timetable on.  You can't necessarily say in two years we'll be married, or that it would be wise to try to be married sooner than that.  The big thing we've agreed on is that we want to be able to comfortably afford a wedding before actually going through with it.   What that means is we may have a long engagement before actually going through with the wedding.

The biggest thing for me though isn't just how great Rachel treats me, it's how well Payton has responded to me.  The child is now to the point where I'm not allowed to leave and if I try, she tries to block the way.  Tuesday she did just that, getting upset and standing in front of the door when I went to leave.  Then she decided she was going with me to work instead.

Last night after the two of them arrived at my apartment, Payton was sitting at the kid table in my living room (yes mom, I'm bringing it soon I promise!) and I was in the bedroom.  After a minute, Rachel mentioned to me that I was being beckoned.  I listened, and sure enough I heard the distinct "Come here Dave, come here!" from the living room.

Later, I was required to lay on the floor with Payton while Rachel checked out halloween costumes.

***Column Intermission***

One of the coolest things about my new phone (MyTouch 4G Slide) is the ability to tether it to my computer and piggyback off the 4G when I don't have internet access at home.  I wasn't sure if it would work, but when I hooked my phone into my computer and finished setting up the driver, sure enough, my computer was live and I could browse just fine.

I'm absolutely astonished at what phones can do nowadays and this is just another one of those things.  That and having an amazing camera on it.

***End Intermission***

Then, when it was time for bedtime, I was required to lay on the floor next to Payton's bed while Rachel laid down in the bed with her.

That's one of the things that brings me a lot of joy.  Yeah, we should probably be working on breaking her of needing someone there for her to fall asleep, but there's something special about her needing me next to the bed when she goes to sleep.

That said, I think about it and realize I completely took being a kid for granted.  Sure, you had to go to school, but you didn't have bills, didn't have to go to work, and could play outside as much as you wanted (as long as you weren't in trouble).  Your responsibilities were limited at best.

Payton's life is something to be envious of.  People always want to play with her, she gets in trouble and is still adorable, and all it takes to make up for driving her mom crazy is a kiss on the cheek and an apology.  Hell, she even has her own Jeep that she drives like she owns the place.

Damn kids.  They always get to have all the fun.