Life Update 2023 Edition

It has been quite a while, hasn't it?

When I decided to update the appearance of this blog with the idea of occasionally posting again, I hadn't really noticed how long it had actually been since I last updated this. I knew it had been some time, but seeing 2019 as the last time I posted here was pretty eye-opening.

It isn't because I have had nothing to talk about. Quite the opposite really.

See, the idea of a blog was much more appealing several years back before I started really dabbling with YouTube and even livestreaming over on Twitch. I built-up a rather decent tech YouTube channel (that I've since abandoned for a few reasons, but would like to resume soon), started dabbling with gaming content again, and even streamed a bit on Twitch, reaching affiliate status several months ago.

The blog, as a result, fell to the wayside. Is this an actual attempt to bring it back? That's to be determined, but I felt like this was an opportune time to use it. I could put this all into video form if I want (and I still may), but I feel using YouTube would, uh, cheapen the message I'm trying to convey. It probably doesn't, but in my mind, that's what would happen.

I also want to preface this by saying that when I get into current events later on, you know, the main reason I'm actually posting this, I'm not doing so as a plea for help. I'm not asking for help in any capacity. I'm simply expressing the current situation for people who have likely been wondering what's truly going on behind the scenes, as I've been fairly vague about how potentially severe things could possibly get.

The reason I haven't fully detailed things is because it isn't entirely known what is going to happen and I don't like to worst-case-scenario things publicly. A large part of this is because I know there's always someone who has it worse than me, and most of my issues are very much first-world issues. This was reinforced today by seeing two different people with homeless signs near the shopping center by our apartment. It could ALWAYS be worse. Another part is my stubborn mentality that we'll find a way through whatever potentially comes our way.

I just want it to be clearly laid out the intentions behind this post. I know someone will inevitably claim it's a way to ask for help, but I'm not. I am incredibly stubborn in this matter as I don't like asking or receiving help. I was recently gifted a special edition Switch from a friend for helping with content creation that I was reluctant in my acceptance of. It's in my nature, so again, I'm not doing this to ask for help. I'm doing this for transparency for people who I know genuinely care (and to avoid repeatedly explaining the situation repeatedly).

Before that though, let's talk about some other stuff first. I don't post as much on social media as I used to. This is very apparent on Facebook, I site I keep simply because it allows me to keep tabs on long-time friends, classmates, and family. I only have about 90 friends or so on there, so it's a small list compared to some, and I'm okay with that. I maybe post once every 3-4 months, which I know disappoints some who want to see more of Kylie and such, but I'm quite deliberate in what I post where for a reason (which is going to feel awkward when it's pointed out that she's appeared in several streams and YouTube videos). I don't do much on Instagram or Snapchat either, mostly because I don't take a ton of pictures, and the ones I do almost inevitably have something in there I don't want being out in the public (personal info and such).

Even Twitter, I site that I used to post extensively on, has been used less and less of late. Some of this is because of Elon being an absolute snake and taking something that, while not great, was at least moderately functional, and turning it into an even bigger pit of despair than it already was. I absolutely hate what he's done with it and yet it's still the easiest way to find and convey information, although a vast amount of it is fake.

I'm not even going to delve into all the nonsense that the site has encouraged with conspiracy theories, but I'll say this much as a catch-all: I believe women should be able to choose what they do with their bodies and that abortion is healthcare, I believe LGBQTIA+ deserve better and we need stop trying legislate them out of existence just because you don't know what else to be scared of, stop trying to shove religion into schools (while simultaneously complaining about drag shows and trans rights being shoved in your face), stop demeaning teachers, stop trying to white-wash history because poor white people feel bullied, and so on. I could actually go on for a while, but I already feel my blood pressure starting to rise, so I'm going to stop.

Oh, and vaccines are good. Stop with this nonsense. Joe Rogan trying to debate AN ACTUAL FUCKING HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL SHOULD NOT BE A THING.

Anyway, I digress.

Hell, remember when I liked sports? Social media ruined that for me, first with fantasy sports, then later with every single anonymous account attacking players and coaches when something didn't work out, as if they could do better. Everyone is an expert on everything and nuance is dead (this also applies to real-world stuff as people take an all-or-nothing approach to EVERYTHING).

So I lay back and watch things unfold. I pay attention to how people react and then take note if they backtrack or hold firm. I see a lot of tweets, but rarely interact anymore unless it's someone I deem a close friend, and even then, I miss half of them because Twitter has been such a shit-show when it comes to the technical side. I've found myself disappointed, but rarely surprised when I find out someone has been secretly a piece of shit human and it slips out for all to see.

More than anything, I'm tired of the bullying. I'm tired of people telling other people how to live, or how wrong they're doing things. I'm tired of the name-calling when people don't agree on something, and I'm tired of people just being shitty in general just because they don't agree. I don't care if you're conservative or not, but I will decide to remove you from my life if I find you constantly posting antagonizing shit because you think it's funny. I'm not going to try and change you or convince you that you're wrong, but frankly, it's not likely to change things and I'M FUCKING TIRED.

What have I been up to though? Well, about two years ago, I was getting really into Destiny 2, but was tired of doing a bunch of things solo because I didn't have a lot of friends playing the game, and the ones that did were somewhat inconsistent. So in August of 2021, I began searching Twitch in the hopes of finding a community that showed some promise and give me more opportunities to do things like raids, dungeons, and Grandmaster Nightfalls. The first few channels I checked didn't cut it, but then I bounced into Alltimebrianna's stream, and was immediately struck by how engaging she was with her chat, as well as how engaging chat was too. It felt it held potential, so I joined the discord and started watching as many streams as I could.

At first, things didn't really change much, and that was okay. I was still working on figuring out the vibe and where I could fit in with the community. I did get a chance to do both a Pit of Heresy dungeon run with B and another member of her community, Mainpayne, and that experience was solid. I later then got to do Shattered Throne with her and FliptheGiant, and that's going to be important later. Beyond that, I didn't participate a ton, but was always there.

Fast forward a few months, around January 2022, and things started to change. I was invited to do a couple of raids that I hadn't done before, and the vibe was good enough that Flip later would message me about possibly doing my first GM. This is when I officially started running things with what would become known as the Trifecta of Chaos (myself, Flip, and FollowMeImFaded). We vibed immediately and things were never the same for me in this game.

I began getting pulled into more stream-related activities, at first because Flip would bring me along, but later because B would directly ask me. I incorporated myself into what would become a very tight-knit group of people within the community as time went on, and it was still just the beginning.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time gushing about it, but I think this community is one of the best in all of gaming, if not THE best. Sure, it's easy to say that as I get the privilege of spending a lot of time with these goobers on a daily basis, but it is easily one of the best things that's EVER happened to me in gaming, and aside from a few things, in life. I truly can call some of these people some of my best friends now, and I look forward to meeting them all at GCX in August 2023 (right before my two year anniversary conveniently enough).

I'm also privileged enough to be B's video editor for her YouTube channel, something that I need to spend more time focusing on, but as you might have gathered, time isn't always on my side. But it's an opportunity I'm blessed to have been given and I enjoy creating new videos for her channel and I'm excited to see us push forwards towards potential YouTube partnership, as well as partner on Twitch.

This does mean I've put significantly less time towards my own content creation, which I want to be clear I am NOT complaining about. If I had to choose, I'd rather help someone else create content all day and night. The idea of being a full-time video editor is intriguing, but is far too much of a risk right now for me to seriously consider. But if that chance did arise, I'd jump at it. As it stands, I just need to devote a few hours a week to her content and we'd be good. I just have to do it.

Of course, I still have a kid to focus on, and Kylie is a continued source of joy for me. She's now 10 and seeing this awkward mess of limbs pursue karate has been one of the most interesting things I've watched happen. She genuinely loves it though, and it's the one thing aside from video games that seems to have stuck with her. The other major development with her is a rising enjoyment of rollercoasters. She's terrified of heights, yet despite that, has ridden most of the coasters at Cedar Point now. She recently conquered Rougarou and expressed it to be one of her new favorites along with Gatekeeper and the new Wildmouse ride that opened.

The best part? She's now keeping her eyes open going down the first hill, which is a MASSIVE development. She previously would keep them closed until after the first hill, which is when she'd open them. But with this last trip, she kept them open for the entire time on all of the coasters we rode. Proud doesn't begin to sum up how I feel about this kid and I hope she continues to try and do big things, despite growing up in a world that's again becoming increasingly hostile towards women.

As an aside, with the recent news that some parents/grandparents have decided to determine that women with short hair are actually trans men and try and get them inspected at events, I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING DARE ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HER. Kylie has had shaved sides and shorter hair on top for years now and I dare any of you inconsiderate transphobic assholes to say something. You WILL regret it. I would die for that kid and that's all you need to know the lengths I'd go to defend her.

She also does know karate, so I would absolutely let her unleash her fury upon you and maybe even hold you down. Keep that in mind. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Now, for the difficult stuff.

First, some backstory. When we moved in 10 years ago, we came with two dogs and two cats. This was not a problem and at the time, the cats didn't have to be registered, but the dogs did. They were both registered and compliant with the lease requirements as far as we knew. Granted, 10 years is a long time and it's highly likely that the requirements have changed, but we've never been presented with any indication of that.

As an aside for anyone unfamiliar with my living situation, I share this apartment with Kylie's mom, who is my ex. We get along great as friends and coparent like champs, and it's allowed me to stay close to Kylie for her entire life. As it stands, she is the primary resident on the lease, which is important for later on.

It has not been a pleasant last few weeks however. The apartment complex management has suddenly become a bit more hostile towards its residents and we've come into their focus of late. We recently had a notice on our door, conveniently placed at 3pm on a Friday, indicating it had been brought to management's attention that our apartment wasn't up to their standards and they'd be performing an inspection the following Monday. This left virtually no indication of what the actual problem was, and left us with very little time to prepare. That said, we did what we could and left it up to fate.

They didn't actually get in until Wednesday when no one was home, and we didn't get the results until Friday (a week after the initial notice). This is when we were hit with a bit of a sucker punch. The letter claimed we were in violation of the lease in that we were only allowed to have one dog and if we didn't remove the unauthorized animals immediately, we'd be evicted. Again, this notice was placed late in the day on Friday. It also made note of a "pungent pet odor," which was interesting given we had deep cleaned the carpet in particular, but it was clear they were focused on the number of animals (they noted two dogs and a cat).

Now, Kylie's mom has some pretty severe anxiety, which means she prefers to communicate through email when possible, and her anxiety was through the roof in this situation. We noticed that the "copy" of the lease they presented was just the final page that she signs, and there was no indication there of how many animals were permitted. This was noted in her email to the management. She also asked when the pet policy changed as when we moved in, this wasn't an issue and we moved here specifically because they allowed two dogs and didn't care about the cats.

They have not responded as far as I know, and as of this post, it's been two weeks since they threatened eviction. At this point, we're entirely anticipating it could happen, which has meant formulating plans in case it does. The dogs are the biggest issue in those situation, as most places that rent will only allow one at max, but it does seem like there's at least one option. The less-desirable one, and the one that would be hardest to achieve because of how things are for me right now financially, is me getting a place of my own and taking at least the one dog with me.

Financially, this is a challenge. My credit isn't good because of high credit utilization on my cards (largely due to kidney stone issues I had a couple of years back), which I've been unable to drag down. Combine that with some other stuff that I will not get into too much detail with (car payment and such), it's been a battle. There is a light at the end of the tunnel as I'll be done with one thing I've been paying on in November, which would free up some money, and my car lease being up in February could possibly alleviate some issues, but for the short-term, I don't have a lot of wiggle room. I do have inheritance money from my grandfather coming, but that's on hold as my uncle put my dad's middle initial on the check and the bank wouldn't accept it. I sent it back to him and am awaiting a corrected check.

There are other possible options of course, which I will not lay out here, but the hope was to manage until November and get a little breathing room there. I'm still hoping for that, but the stark reality here is even if they don't actually evict us, it's very unlikely they offer a lease renewal, which would still mean attempting to find a place by November regardless.

Yes, it's stressful, but thankfully, my child and my friends have helped make this far more bearable. Kylie is a natural stress reliever in she's just a good kid, and my friends have offered me a respite from the stress by providing a ton of laughter. In the end, what happens is what happens. I can only control so much, and I recognize that. What I can do is occasionally stream more, as I did just receive a payout from Twitch that caught me by surprise (thanks to those who stayed subbed even though I haven't streamed in over four months). I could put some effort into either YouTube channel and see what happens there.

But for now? I'm going to try and focus down one credit card and try and get that under control. Medical expenses from my kidney stone ordeals did the damage there, but I was also lax in getting it back under control when I had the chance to.

As with life in general, I take things one step at a time and adjust to whatever it throws at me (and us). Again, this isn't for a pity party, but rather just to provide some context and info for anyone wondering why some days I just might not be myself, or even around at all. I know there are people who care and I don't want them to be left wondering what the hell is happening.

Also, this is way longer than I anticipated, but here we are.

It's been quite a while since my last post, and while I can't promise I'll regular post here, I just may start using it again. We shall see.