I was originally going to make today the first "Flashback Friday."
Actually, yesterday was going to be a "Thirsty Thursday" entry, but it was busy and I didn't get the chance.
Then today, I decided to introduce the front-end of my car to the median on route 2 coming into work, thus rendering myself without a vehicle until I determine whether it's worth fixing or if I'm going to be in the market for a new vehicle.
Yes, it was a bad morning.
Luckily, I was able to walk away with just a bruised knee, drive it to work, and not be late, so in those regards, I'm considerably lucky. Chalk it up to a little luck, wearing my seat belt, and not panicking when something bad is iminent.
Would I have liked to have missed the barrier? Yes. Would I have preferred that the side of the vehicle hit? Absolutely.
That said, none of that is what happened and now I have to move forward as quickly as possible. Granted, my preferred person to check on the vehicle is out of town until February 5th, so it may be a bit before I know exactly what can be done, if anything. At this point, I'm expecting the worst since that's typically what happens in situations like this.
*deep breath*
I'm lucky. I know that. Yes, the damage looks bad, but given that I was relatively uninjured, it could've been a lot worse. I could've hurt myself badly or even worse, I could've hit someone else and hurt them seriously as well.
It's funny, not in a haha kind of way mind you, how life will humble you just when you start to think things are lining up for you. I racked up over 9 hours of overtime this pay period, which was expected to help start saving towards the future with Rachel or at the least something for Valentine's Day. We had been talking extensively about where we are going to move after my lease is up. In short, the future looked very bright.
It still does, but there is this new situation to deal with. Sure, Rachel and I can share her Jeep to get around, but it will inconvenience her and I don't want to become a burden because of what happened with my car.
I admit, I'm used to things like this happening just when it seems like things are on the uptick. My life has been full of these moments. My family has experienced moments like this repeatedly. When my mom was in North Carolina, she was hit by another car and had her van totalled out. It took a minor miracle to get a new vehicle, but she was able to pull it off.
These things happen. You don't always understand the purpose or think it's fair, but to me, the best people are the ones who fight through the adversity and move forward. I'm upset that it happened, but in the long run, I'll survive. I'll find a way. I'm not in this alone because I have an amazing girlfriend, but she can't just fix this for me either. I have to deal with it, find a solution that works best, and move forward.
For now, I'm lucky to be able to say I walked away with just a bit of a bruised knee.
In the long run, I'll be just fine.
I know it.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
falling flat
I've never been short on ideas for blog posts.
In the past, I've come up with several good ideas. Sometimes I'd even get started on them for a while.
Then, after a while, I'd start to slack off for a while before the idea completely fell off the track.
Most of the time it's been due to lack of writing. I'd start off strong for a week or so, then the amount of writing would decrease slowly and surely as I just felt no motivation to go forward with the post. Often times, it's because the idea seemed really good in theory, but when it came to executing the idea, I realized it wasn't as good as I thought.
For example, back in 1999 when I was writing on my old web site, I was very much into the Indians and what appeared to be a season for the ages. Every time I wrote something, I finished with a recap of that days Indians' game. I'd give the score, the records, and a brief rundown of the game. I kept it up for half the season, then sometime after the All-Star break, I either lost interest in the idea or got sick of doing it.
It's kind of hard to remember at this point.
More recently, specifically last year's playoffs, I started to capsule previews of NFL playoff games all the way through the Pro-Bowl. I had some fun with it and was going to do it again this year, except, well, I didn't.
I can't really explain why. I kept thinking about starting it up, but then I wouldn't.
So now I have come up with a new idea for this blog. Or my pharmacy blog. I can't decide which to use it on, which would be the first issue since I can't use it on both and possibly give away what little anonymity I have on my pharmacy blog.
Hmm. That means I can't tell what the idea is if I intend to use it on the pharmacy blog because then when it shows up there, it would give away which blog is mine.
I guess I should've figured that part out first.
Oh well.
The idea revolves around a theme for each day of the week. For instance, I could call Friday Flashback Fridays and post some story from my younger years (which makes me feel old just writing that). Of course to do that requires me coming up with whimsical names (hey, Whimsical Wednesday?) for each day of the week and actually stick with it, which isn't likely. It also makes more sense if I write every day, thus justifying the different names for each day I post, but we know that won't happen.
In any case, that's an idea that's floating around in my head, partially because I have nothing else to do in my free time when I'm not with Rachel than to think of silly things like that.
Now then, back to the focus of the week.
Tomorrow is kind of a day of reckoning when it comes to Kisa. It's at least the first step in deciding what to do with her. Put her down and spend the next month remembering all the moments I've had with her? Keep her alive a little longer because her health isn't as bad as feared and do everything to make her remaining time comfortable?
It's kind of a troubling thing to think about really. I almost feel like a God wielding power over a helpless being. Whether she lives or dies is in my hands.
I've spent the last two days really thinking about all the things that have happened with her over the years. I'm not so much upset at the idea of her possibly being euthanized as maybe some might be, but that's mostly because I've already come to terms with the fact that one day she will be gone. I'm calm about it because as I've stated, she's given me almost 18 good years. It's more than I ever could've hoped for and I know I'll be making an informed decision, not just saying I'm done for the hell of it or keeping her alive longer than she should be.
Having Kisa has been an amazing experience. There's never been any doubts about her being my cat. When I've been gone for a couple days and come home again, she follows me around for a while. She's always slept either next to me or on top of me. When I sit down on the couch, she's right there looking for a lap to lay on.
One of my favorite memories is when we lived in Brunswick and I worked at CVS in Strongsville til 10. I had worked the same shifts for a while and my mom started to tell me how right around when I was supposed to be home, she'd go over to the front door and sit and wait for me. This went on for the longest time, at least up until I started hanging out with Mike regularly after work.
I apologize in advance if I spend a lot of time remembering things with Kisa.
I have almost 18 years worth of memories to possibly catch up on.
Oh, and don't hold your breath on the format thing for the blog. I'll probably forget by tonight anyway.
In the past, I've come up with several good ideas. Sometimes I'd even get started on them for a while.
Then, after a while, I'd start to slack off for a while before the idea completely fell off the track.
Most of the time it's been due to lack of writing. I'd start off strong for a week or so, then the amount of writing would decrease slowly and surely as I just felt no motivation to go forward with the post. Often times, it's because the idea seemed really good in theory, but when it came to executing the idea, I realized it wasn't as good as I thought.
For example, back in 1999 when I was writing on my old web site, I was very much into the Indians and what appeared to be a season for the ages. Every time I wrote something, I finished with a recap of that days Indians' game. I'd give the score, the records, and a brief rundown of the game. I kept it up for half the season, then sometime after the All-Star break, I either lost interest in the idea or got sick of doing it.
It's kind of hard to remember at this point.
More recently, specifically last year's playoffs, I started to capsule previews of NFL playoff games all the way through the Pro-Bowl. I had some fun with it and was going to do it again this year, except, well, I didn't.
I can't really explain why. I kept thinking about starting it up, but then I wouldn't.
So now I have come up with a new idea for this blog. Or my pharmacy blog. I can't decide which to use it on, which would be the first issue since I can't use it on both and possibly give away what little anonymity I have on my pharmacy blog.
Hmm. That means I can't tell what the idea is if I intend to use it on the pharmacy blog because then when it shows up there, it would give away which blog is mine.
I guess I should've figured that part out first.
Oh well.
The idea revolves around a theme for each day of the week. For instance, I could call Friday Flashback Fridays and post some story from my younger years (which makes me feel old just writing that). Of course to do that requires me coming up with whimsical names (hey, Whimsical Wednesday?) for each day of the week and actually stick with it, which isn't likely. It also makes more sense if I write every day, thus justifying the different names for each day I post, but we know that won't happen.
In any case, that's an idea that's floating around in my head, partially because I have nothing else to do in my free time when I'm not with Rachel than to think of silly things like that.
Now then, back to the focus of the week.
Tomorrow is kind of a day of reckoning when it comes to Kisa. It's at least the first step in deciding what to do with her. Put her down and spend the next month remembering all the moments I've had with her? Keep her alive a little longer because her health isn't as bad as feared and do everything to make her remaining time comfortable?
It's kind of a troubling thing to think about really. I almost feel like a God wielding power over a helpless being. Whether she lives or dies is in my hands.
I've spent the last two days really thinking about all the things that have happened with her over the years. I'm not so much upset at the idea of her possibly being euthanized as maybe some might be, but that's mostly because I've already come to terms with the fact that one day she will be gone. I'm calm about it because as I've stated, she's given me almost 18 good years. It's more than I ever could've hoped for and I know I'll be making an informed decision, not just saying I'm done for the hell of it or keeping her alive longer than she should be.
Having Kisa has been an amazing experience. There's never been any doubts about her being my cat. When I've been gone for a couple days and come home again, she follows me around for a while. She's always slept either next to me or on top of me. When I sit down on the couch, she's right there looking for a lap to lay on.
One of my favorite memories is when we lived in Brunswick and I worked at CVS in Strongsville til 10. I had worked the same shifts for a while and my mom started to tell me how right around when I was supposed to be home, she'd go over to the front door and sit and wait for me. This went on for the longest time, at least up until I started hanging out with Mike regularly after work.
I apologize in advance if I spend a lot of time remembering things with Kisa.
I have almost 18 years worth of memories to possibly catch up on.
Oh, and don't hold your breath on the format thing for the blog. I'll probably forget by tonight anyway.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
trying to do what's right
There are certain things I don't take joy in writing about.
I like writing about sports, I like writing about stupid things I see on a regular basis, I like writing about the things I do with Rachel and Payton.
I like writing.
Just not when it involves the possibility of having to put my cat Kisa to sleep.
For those unaware, Kisa has been with me since I was 14 and a freshman in high school. I'm now 31 and she's still with me. She's older as well and it shows. She's been arthritic for a while, she's no longer really grooming herself, her appetite isn't good at all, and it seems as if she's trying to tell me something since she's taken to peeing on the floor in the spare bedroom randomly.
She's always occasionally peed on stuff for various reasons, usually her being mad at me for one reason or another. In the past, it was predictable. It was limited to towels and the occasional plastic bag. Now it's just straight onto the carpet and that's raised my level of concern greatly.
So what makes it hard to write about this?
I don't want to write some lengthy piece "remembering" Kisa before she's actually gone. On Thursday she's going in for bloodwork and that will determine the next step. If the bloodwork shows she has some serious issues, it's going to be time to put her down. If it doesn't, it's on to the next test.
I also don't want to be all sappy about it either.
What I refuse to do is what I've seen other people do in the past. I refuse to keep her alive just because I can't let go. I can't sit there and give her a ton of medications that "might" be making her better without really knowing for sure. I can't sit here and justify dragging it out when she's possibly suffering.
Do I think she's suffering? It's hard to say. I know she doesn't move the way she used to, but she doesn't give any solid indication that she's in pain. She doesn't whine or cry a lot when I'm home. She just kind of purrs, tries to lay in my lap, and after a while goes to sleep somewhere like she always has. She's very affectionate still with me. She doesn't act like she's in pain, but then again, neither did Shade before my mom discovered that he had severe issues with his leg.
The only way I'm going to know is by having some work done and see what the results are.
What I do know is I'm prepared for the worst in this case. I'm ready if the vet tells me that she needs to be put down. I'm not going to argue, tell them they need to do something to make her better.
I'm not going to.
My older sister is like that. Instead of doing what's best for the animal, she holds on and tries to sustain their life beyond what it should be. She does it thinking she's caring for the animal and being humane towards it, but she's really doing the opposite. She's making the animal suffer unnecessarily.
I won't let that happen.
Look, I've gotten nearly 18 years out of Kisa. She's been through a lot with me. I've chronicled a lot of it in the past and will do so again in the future, especially once she does die. There are a lot of memories, a lot of stories. She's been a great companion with me through a lot of ordeals. I can't ask for much more. The shame of it is it taking her til she was this old to get along with another cat like she does with Pook.
Granted, she did get along with one other cat in her time, but those moments were rare. Usually she was very territorial with me. Now she's just as likely to lay on Rachel, my mom, my sister, or Payton when she's asleep.
If the next couple of weeks are her last, well, then that's what's meant to be and I won't question it. I'll reflect on a lot of the things with her, but I won't regret anything. I won't be sitting there wondering if putting her down is the right choice.
Some won't understand the emotion behind a pet. Some of you won't get it. That's life. A lot of you will though. Whether it be a dog, cat, or whatever it is you own, a lot of you understand the bond that develops.
Funny thing with Kisa was I was so not a cat person when I got her. I was and still am a dog person. I liked cats, but I didn't have the same draw towards cats that I had towards dogs. My previous pet before Kisa was a dog named Jax. He used to pull me down when I was trying to put on my snowpants and drag me around the house. When my mom and sister would go sled riding, he used to pull them up the hills. He was a strong dog and he was a fun dog.
I wasn't old enough though to really grasp the responsibility needed to own a pet though.
Kisa was a definite surprise. A little white ball of fluff hiding under my bed, which at the time was in the living room. She wouldn't come out for anything, and thus began Kisa's long infamous antisocial bout. For a long time, she didn't care for anyone that wasn't my mom, Teresa, or me. Anyone else needed to back off and do so quickly. Even with us, she had a short fuse. If you so much as moved a centimeter while she was on you, she'd start growling.
It didn't take long for her to grow on me, which was the biggest surprise back then. Pretty soon, she was running the neighborhood. She chased all the strays away, killed all the rodents, and did her best to reduce the bird population.
Along the way, there have been a lot of adventures. I'll try to share some of them over the next few weeks depending on how things go with the vet. If things go well, forget it. I'm saving those stories until she reaches her dying days then.
I have to sell the sentimentality of it all, right?
Here's a teaser in fact.
One story involves getting her out of a tree. Another involves the fight that left her ear slit. Another is how she'd lay on my mom's shoulder when my mom was trying to study for school. There was the time my mom tried to give her a bath (that never happened again).
So while it doesn't bring me joy to think I might be remembering her soon, it was a great ride and I'll always remember her.
In the end, the memories will stay with me forever.
And that's what matters most.
I like writing about sports, I like writing about stupid things I see on a regular basis, I like writing about the things I do with Rachel and Payton.
I like writing.
Just not when it involves the possibility of having to put my cat Kisa to sleep.
For those unaware, Kisa has been with me since I was 14 and a freshman in high school. I'm now 31 and she's still with me. She's older as well and it shows. She's been arthritic for a while, she's no longer really grooming herself, her appetite isn't good at all, and it seems as if she's trying to tell me something since she's taken to peeing on the floor in the spare bedroom randomly.
She's always occasionally peed on stuff for various reasons, usually her being mad at me for one reason or another. In the past, it was predictable. It was limited to towels and the occasional plastic bag. Now it's just straight onto the carpet and that's raised my level of concern greatly.
So what makes it hard to write about this?
I don't want to write some lengthy piece "remembering" Kisa before she's actually gone. On Thursday she's going in for bloodwork and that will determine the next step. If the bloodwork shows she has some serious issues, it's going to be time to put her down. If it doesn't, it's on to the next test.
I also don't want to be all sappy about it either.
What I refuse to do is what I've seen other people do in the past. I refuse to keep her alive just because I can't let go. I can't sit there and give her a ton of medications that "might" be making her better without really knowing for sure. I can't sit here and justify dragging it out when she's possibly suffering.
Do I think she's suffering? It's hard to say. I know she doesn't move the way she used to, but she doesn't give any solid indication that she's in pain. She doesn't whine or cry a lot when I'm home. She just kind of purrs, tries to lay in my lap, and after a while goes to sleep somewhere like she always has. She's very affectionate still with me. She doesn't act like she's in pain, but then again, neither did Shade before my mom discovered that he had severe issues with his leg.
The only way I'm going to know is by having some work done and see what the results are.
What I do know is I'm prepared for the worst in this case. I'm ready if the vet tells me that she needs to be put down. I'm not going to argue, tell them they need to do something to make her better.
I'm not going to.
My older sister is like that. Instead of doing what's best for the animal, she holds on and tries to sustain their life beyond what it should be. She does it thinking she's caring for the animal and being humane towards it, but she's really doing the opposite. She's making the animal suffer unnecessarily.
I won't let that happen.
Look, I've gotten nearly 18 years out of Kisa. She's been through a lot with me. I've chronicled a lot of it in the past and will do so again in the future, especially once she does die. There are a lot of memories, a lot of stories. She's been a great companion with me through a lot of ordeals. I can't ask for much more. The shame of it is it taking her til she was this old to get along with another cat like she does with Pook.
Granted, she did get along with one other cat in her time, but those moments were rare. Usually she was very territorial with me. Now she's just as likely to lay on Rachel, my mom, my sister, or Payton when she's asleep.
If the next couple of weeks are her last, well, then that's what's meant to be and I won't question it. I'll reflect on a lot of the things with her, but I won't regret anything. I won't be sitting there wondering if putting her down is the right choice.
Some won't understand the emotion behind a pet. Some of you won't get it. That's life. A lot of you will though. Whether it be a dog, cat, or whatever it is you own, a lot of you understand the bond that develops.
Funny thing with Kisa was I was so not a cat person when I got her. I was and still am a dog person. I liked cats, but I didn't have the same draw towards cats that I had towards dogs. My previous pet before Kisa was a dog named Jax. He used to pull me down when I was trying to put on my snowpants and drag me around the house. When my mom and sister would go sled riding, he used to pull them up the hills. He was a strong dog and he was a fun dog.
I wasn't old enough though to really grasp the responsibility needed to own a pet though.
Kisa was a definite surprise. A little white ball of fluff hiding under my bed, which at the time was in the living room. She wouldn't come out for anything, and thus began Kisa's long infamous antisocial bout. For a long time, she didn't care for anyone that wasn't my mom, Teresa, or me. Anyone else needed to back off and do so quickly. Even with us, she had a short fuse. If you so much as moved a centimeter while she was on you, she'd start growling.
It didn't take long for her to grow on me, which was the biggest surprise back then. Pretty soon, she was running the neighborhood. She chased all the strays away, killed all the rodents, and did her best to reduce the bird population.
Along the way, there have been a lot of adventures. I'll try to share some of them over the next few weeks depending on how things go with the vet. If things go well, forget it. I'm saving those stories until she reaches her dying days then.
I have to sell the sentimentality of it all, right?
Here's a teaser in fact.
One story involves getting her out of a tree. Another involves the fight that left her ear slit. Another is how she'd lay on my mom's shoulder when my mom was trying to study for school. There was the time my mom tried to give her a bath (that never happened again).
So while it doesn't bring me joy to think I might be remembering her soon, it was a great ride and I'll always remember her.
In the end, the memories will stay with me forever.
And that's what matters most.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)