Release the minion!

I will admit, I don't always strive for things that most people would go for.

Most guys out there aren't hoping to settle down with the right girl so they can fulfill a dream of having kids of their own.  Most are out looking for someone they can spend a few years with before they consider starting a family.

My goals have always been different though.  I think a lot of it stems from when I was younger and the experiences I lost out on when I was kid due to the things going on with my dad.  I've always felt I missed out on a lot, that I didn't get to experience the same kinds of things that most did.  I suppose in my unrealistic frame of mind, I've always felt that I'm still missing out on things, and not just because he passed away recently.

I don't want that same experience for my future kid (or kids).  I don't want them to grow up and wonder the same things I wondered.  I always envisioned myself being a better father to my kids than my dad was towards me.  I want for them what I missed, what I wished I would have experienced.

For instance, I would have loved to have a dad that I could still sit and watch sporting events with.  Granted, I have the best thing going in that I have a girlfriend who loves baseball and football, but it still would've been nice if my dad would've been stable enough for us to all take in the Browns or Indians.  It would have been nice to still be able to throw the ball around and talk about stuff like we briefly did when I was kid.  Again, I have Rachel for these so I feel fortunate in that regard, but it still would've been nice if I had that growing up with my dad.  I could've asked him all the stuff I had to figure out on my own when I was in high school and maybe, just maybe, would've missed out on a lot of the awkward moments I endured.

I can't overstate how awesome it is to have a girlfriend in Rachel who loves football and baseball though.  Guys, always appreciate it when you find a girl like that because there are certainly a number of them out there who could care less about sports in general.

Instead, I chose to avoid my dad as soon as I didn't have to see him on a regular basis.  I chose to drift as far away as possible simply because I had had enough of the problems he had.  I had enough of him yelling, his conspiracy theories, and all the other things he used to say and do when he was on his drug/alcohol concoction.

I don't want my child to have to do that.  I want him/her to relish the moments we have, grow up and know that I'm there when they need me to be, but also to push the way my mom tried to push us.  I want my child to fondly remember his/her childhood moments, not possibly be the plot behind some made-for-tv special about child abuse and drugs.

Why all this gibber gabber?  Rachel is pregnant and expecting her second child and my first.  We were trying to wait to make an official announcement, but the cat's out of the bag and I can now openly write about what will be first experience in fatherhood.

What are my emotions?  I'm excited, I'm happy, I'm anxious, and even a little scared.  This is as unknown a territory as a person can possibly enter.  Sure, there are thousands of books, online articles, and other sources of information on being a parent.  There's the expertise of Rachel, who has three years experience now.  Yet you never really know what to expect.  Is it a boy, is it a girl, will they be a loud baby, a quiet baby?  Will they listen when they get older or will they be defiant?  Will they need meds?  Will everything come out okay?

Yet despite all the uncertainty that comes with the pregnancy and then actual raising of the child, I'm excited.  I look forward to being the dad that squishes his kid's face just because it looks funny to him.  I look forward to carrying him/her around as an infant, then complaining when they can walk but still want to be carried.  I look forward to their first words, then getting irritated because they won't stop talking back to me because they want that one singular toy.

I have a chance to do the things with this child that I wanted my dad to do with me.  If I'm lucky, this child will enjoy video games like me and I'll have a video game buddy (even better if Payton and Rachel join in).  I've always admired a youtuber by the name of paulsoaresjr who plays and records Minecraft, but also plays with all three of his kids and his wife on occasion.  It may not seem like much to most, but it's a way for him to stay connected with his kids as they get older, something most parents have to face at some point (two of his kids are in high school now).

I look forward to all the appointments leading up to the child being born, the first laugh, the first cry (after that, I'll probably be done with the crying), the first time I have to get up to take care of the baby in the middle of the night (again, probably done after that), the first crawl, the first steps, the first fall, the first run, the first big fall, the first teeth, and so on.

So while there are uncertainties and questions, there's also excitement and joy.  I get to be a dad, and it gets to be my minion.

Yes, I've been calling it a minion.  There's nothing any of you can do about it either.

The end of May is a long way away though.  That means there's plenty of time to prepare for all the things that come with having a new baby. Supplies will be bought, a bigger living arrangement will be pursued, and we will try to be as prepared as possible when the new life comes into the picture.

Our minion will need a name once we know whether we're having a boy or girl, and that to me is going to be one of the more challenging parts of the equation.  In the past, I had thought about names, but when I go through and think about it now, nothing jumps out at me yet.  Maybe it's because we don't know the sex of it yet, but as of now, even going through some lists of baby names, nothing has jumped at me just yet.

Life will certainly change come the end of May.  Rachel is still encouraging me to sign up for next year's Warrior Dash, but I've been hedging since it takes place at the very beginning of June and I don't want there to be a conflict.  Now, don't get me wrong, if Rachel is in labor when the Warrior Dash takes place, I'm not going.  Simple as that.  In an ideal world, the child would come either before or after the actual event.

The world isn't ideal though and things already somewhat revolve around the unborn child.  I have to consider the idea of buying as many baby supply items as possible so that we don't have to worry about that as much during the first couple of months.  I have to make sure I have money set aside because there is going to be a period of time when Rachel isn't going to be able to work.

In the end, I'm excited for the future new addition and the changes it will bring.  I'm excited for the memories that will be created by this addition.

Most importantly though, I'm excited about the chance to be the dad that I wish that I had.

Get ready world, our minion is coming.

On a side note, we ran in the Run of the Dead this past weekend and it was a pretty good time.  Some of the zombies talked a little more than I thought and some of the zombie kids were a bit rambunctious, but it was still fun and something we'd both do again given the opportunity.  It was down in Plymouth, OH, so it was a bit of a drive to get there, but we got there early and ran at a pretty decent pace considering Rachel hadn't run in a while and is a couple months along with the pregnancy.

But yeah, the main point of this?  I have a minion on the way.

Duck and cover people, duck and cover.