I think it goes without saying that it's been turbulent around these parts of late. Some know more than others of course, but this isn't going to be a post spilling all the beans about everything that's gone on.
Those who needed to know about anything, well they already know. If you don't, then you probably didn't need to know. Either way, exposing things in this public of a forum probably won't lead to good things, so I'm not going to do that.
What you need to know is that life for me is changing. It's evolving slowly from one thing into something that will be somewhat different in a few months. The biggest change will be the fact that at some point, I won't be seeing Kylie every day like I've become accustomed to.
This is a fairly normal thing when relationships fail, and while I never hoped for that to happen, the reality I'm facing is different from the one I perceived a few years ago.
Again, this isn't to sling mud in anyone's direction. We all make mistakes when relationships fail and there are always things each person could've done better. Sure, someone may be "more guilty" than the other, but that's nitpicking and doesn't resolve anything.
I was doing what's become my nightly walk the other night, and I started thinking more about how life seems to change on a whim, yet people for the most part are stubborn to change. Sure, you may do some things differently, but a lot of people are resistant to change and often go back to old habits when things get difficult.
The best example I can use is when someone's addicted to drugs. They struggle the most with changing their habits, changing their ways. Drugs become such a huge part of who they are that they sometimes lose sight of who they were before drugs. I've seen people lead good lives, then start up with drugs and that good life is demolished.
Drug addicts have a hard time breaking the addiction and even if they do beat it initially, they sometimes fall back into those old habits if something bad happens in their life.
People are creatures of habit though. We do the things we do because we're comfortable with it, whether it be how we do something, where we go, and how we come to the decisions we make. You can know the decision you're making is wrong, but you do it anyway because it's the more comfortable decision.
Very rarely do people willingly step out of their comfort zones, and often if they do, the experiment doesn't last long as it becomes scary to them.
Now I do realize there are people who aren't like that. They do step out of their comfort zones and experience life as fully as possible. But those people seem to be the exception rather than the rule as many aren't willing to do that.
We know what kind of food we like, we know what kind of people we prefer to hang out with, what kind of people we're willing to date, and what kind of hobbies we're going to take part in.
And when life gets rough, we run back to what we know. We all have our security blankets. For many, it's a family member (hi mom!), but for others, it's a friend they've known for a while; someone they know they can talk to and get honest, sound advice.
And life gets rough frequently. It flips you up on your head when you least expect it and then kicks you for good measure. It mocks you and reminds you that in the scheme of things, you're just one person in a world filled with living things. It constantly reminds you that the world goes on even as you struggle.
The world is constantly changing, evolving, and continuing forward.
Bear with me as I'm currently trying to remember the thoughts I had the other night. They were so fluid, so cohesive, so of course they aren't so much at this point.
The main thing I've trying to assert is that people struggle with change often because they're afraid of change. It scares them and causes them to do whatever they can to prevent the change from happening. They don't know how to deal with the change and it can cause irrational actions in some.
Yet life carries on. It doesn't care if you're struggling or not.
How does this relate to me and what's been going on? Not a whole lot. Am I scared of the change that's coming? No. I'm a little apprehensive, but at the same time, I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, even if that new chapter features less Kylie.
It isn't because I want to get away from Kylie and others, but rather I feel it's time for a little bit of change; a different routine perhaps.
The reality of her not being in my life every day has sunk in in recent weeks and has caused me to rethink some of my priorities in the short term. I feel it important to spend as much time with her as possible while I can because that will be changing at some point. I know this, and while I'm not sure I'm ready for it, I won't have a choice because life is going to decide for me regardless.
The time I have with her is precious to me and no one is going to be more important than her in the coming months. This last weekend it was just Kylie and me and it was great. We had fun, and while it's sometimes daunting realizing it's just you, it's also energizing. You know you have to deal with whatever's going on and she was dependent on me to take care of what she needed.
This weekend is more of the same. While I would love to go hang out with my friends for Sarah and my birthday, it's not entirely likely I'd be willing to even if I were able. I think about the idea of the child waking up and me not being there by my own choice rips me apart. I can't handle it. I don't want to handle it.
This isn't a slight on anyone, just a reflection of how much I value that little girl of mine.
As I went about my day, I made the decision to avoid my phone most of the time. It sat on my desk for the most part and sure, I'd occasionally check it, but it wasn't very often and when I did have a text, tweet, or notification of some sort, I'd check it and respond if needed, but it was low priority stuff for me.
At the end of the day, I felt satisfied. I felt happy. This felt like how the future would be to me.
So I decided at that point that when I'm alone with my child, I'm not going to be checking my phone or spending a lot of time on it. If I have a moment, I will respond to a text or phone call if it's there, but the chances of me reaching out to you on my own will be slim.
If you can't handle or accept that, then you have no business being in my life.
Now I'm sure once I'm officially moved and seeing Kylie when I'm supposed to I'll reconsider certain things (for example, availability when she's not with me), but if it's my time with her, then everyone will need to respect that.
This means a lot of things will be on hold. I'm not going to get into specifics, but the chances of something being more important than my child (aside from work, sleep, etc) are very, VERY slim.
While life has been up and down, I feel that the decision to focus on my child is the right one and a change that I need to make to match up with the changes going on in my life overall.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
YouTubing isn't easy
A little over 3 years ago, I decided that I wanted to record myself playing Minecraft and other games. I had seen others do it, thought it would be a fun little hobby, and felt I could do the same. I didn't know what FPS was, how to edit anything, or really anything about the process.
I had very little knowledge of what I would need to do to get started with recording game footage. From afar, I initially had the impression that you had either a card or software on your computer that recorded what you did and you just could drop it on YouTube without even breaking a sweat.
Of course, I learned quickly that isn't the case. Thankfully, PaulsoaresJr, the man who inspired me to get started with all this (and got me into Minecraft), explained the process he went through regularly to his viewers, even going so far as to record the process he goes through to record and edit hit footage.
Edit.
I had no idea how much work some of the bigger (and frankly better) YouTubers were putting into their videos. It wasn't so simple as record and upload. No, most of them recorded hours of footage, whittled it down into manageable chunks, added whatever touches they felt were needed, rendered out the footage, compressed the footage, created thumbnails, created descriptions, and THEN uploaded the footage to YouTube.
It turned out to be an intensely time-consuming process, one that I hadn't completely thought through.
Of course, there was a bigger issue in regards to getting going with the idea of recording my gameplay: I didn't have a computer to record with. I hit Ebay, scouring the site for a laptop that I thought could handle the load and eventually settled on bidding on an HP Compaq Presario with Nvidia graphics. It seemed like it would work, but I wasn't completely sure as I didn't really do the research necessary ahead of time.
I won the bid, paid for the laptop, and upon receiving it, installed Minecraft and FRAPS, a recording software, on it. I booted everything up and learned very quickly I had NO clue what I had gotten myself into.
My game didn't run well without FRAPS, but really took a beating once the recording software started. This of course was because I was using an older laptop that had didn't have a very good video card in it. It simply wasn't going to be able to run the game at high settings and record.
Luckily, I learned of a mod called Optifine that allowed me to get the most out of the game while recording with a fairly steady framerate. I wasn't getting anything remarkable, but I could get it in the 20-25 FPS (frames per second) for the most part, which was acceptable.
I didn't have a mic, and much like the laptop, didn't invest much into it as I bought a super cheap $10 headset thinking that would be adequate.
Like with the laptop, I was dreadfully wrong. The audio was horrible, often providing tremendous feedback and buzzing while I was recording, making it hard to hear.
That didn't deter me though, and I made the most of my experience while I played and recorded. I started off using Windows Movie Maker as my editor, which helped me learn the basics of editing. Of course, I wasn't very good at it and I was limited in what I could do, but I was doing my best and occasionally, people would comment with advice.
Eventually, I realized I was going to have to upgrade my equipment and software if my channel was ever going to get noticed. Sure, I could promote myself and get people to watch, but the truth was, most weren't going to put up with poor frame rates and bad audio. Top it off with lackluster editing, and you don't have much that's appealing.
The first thing I did was get a new mic. I purchased an Audio Technica ATR2500 USB mic that improved things substantially once I figured out how to set it up correctly. Of course, it didn't improve things all the way as a downside to using laptops to record is the loud fan that most have. That aside, my audio was better, which at least made the videos somewhat tolerable.
I then went ahead and purchased Sony Movie Studio 11, which allowed me greater freedom with editing, even if I had to learn a whole lot of new things that Movie Maker didn't explain. I had access to better titles, transitions, and effects, and I sought to use them even though it wasn't necessary. I learned that a fancier editor meant longer render times, and also required me to get a compressor since the files were pretty big. I also had to remember to disable the resampling that Movie Studio did automatically, causing a motion blur effect.
About a year and a half ago, the next major upgrade took place, a move that greatly enhanced what I could do with my channel.
I bought a better laptop, one that was much better at handling more games, better recording software (I now use Dxtory because it allows me to split game audio from my commentary), and more powerful editing software.
My HP Envy won't blow anyone away, but if you watch videos prior to March of 2014 (excluding the first MesaBuilt episodes), then watch videos afterwards, you can tell the difference the laptop has made. I've even been able to record certain games at 60FPS (30FPS has been the standard for years now), although that takes longer to render out.
I was gifted Adobe Premiere Pro from a close friend, which was vastly different, yet similar to editing in Movie Studio. I also have learned to get a bit better with Photoshop, thus improving my thumbnails. I've learned how to edit videos better, not overdo things, and improve the commentary (now with an Audio Technica AT2020USB+ mic).
Yet my videos could still be better.
One day, I'll have a powerful desktop PC. I'll be able to record at minimum 1080p 60FPS without a loud laptop fan causing me to have to do a ton of audio editing. I'll have the ability to record and stream any game I want, only limited by time, not resources.
But right now, I can't complain too much. I can stream if I want (daveycracker80 on Twitch) and can record most games comfortably. I've upgraded my hard drive, added external storage, added a full HD web cam, and have improved as an editor.
But I'm always learning, always trying to figure out new and better ways to do things.
3 years ago, FPS didn't mean much to me. I had no idea how to put transitions into a video, how to find a good balance between voice audio and background music, how to make a thumbnail (or how to use Photoshop for that matter), what to talk about in my videos, or how to get my videos out to the masses.
While my channel hasn't grown much, I feel I have grown a lot as a gamer, as a video editor, and have a pretty good understanding of what I would have to do differently if there's a next time.
Will there be a next time? It depends. If I end up being in position to buy/build a more powerful PC, I will relaunch my YouTube channel. I would keep the old channel up (maybe use it strictly for Vlogs?) to preserve the older videos, but I wouldn't be bringing much older content over with me (with the exception of any series that are in process at the time of switching over). The art would likely stay similar to how it is now, but maybe with a refreshed look and new ideas on what games I'd record and how I carry myself on the channel.
This is likely at least a year or so away, as I don't anticipate having the money for a new PC anytime soon (there are FAR more pressing things to worry about short-term), but it's something that I'll be keeping in the back of my mind for the future.
My stream would likely only receive a matching refresh of art (which is in flux anyway since I keep changing my mind on how I want things to look) as I'm satisfied with how I've started with streaming, even if it's super infrequent (and not likely to resume until after I move in the future).
I doubt I'll ever be much of a big name on YouTube, and that's fine with me. I don't do it for accolades or to get a ton of viewers. I do it because it's fun to think that someone, somewhere might watch me play a game, and possibly enjoy it. I don't care if I become a big name or not, because frankly the odds aren't good. Too many people are trying to do it and be the next big name, so it's hard to get your voice heard.
For now, I'm going to enjoy the process when I get a chance to do it. Recording games is fun, editing can be fun, and I enjoy when I do get feedback on my videos.
Maybe some day I'll be in position to do unboxing videos, give things away, and be sponsored by a company or two, but if not, I'll make the most of the views I do get and try to have as much fun as I can.
3 years ago I started on a journey into YouTube that I don't regret. I went from knowing virtually nothing to at least being competent with this hobby that I picked up. I've learned a lot from the process and hope to continue to grow as a content creator in the future.
Thanks for reading and if you've watched any of my content, thanks for the view!
I had very little knowledge of what I would need to do to get started with recording game footage. From afar, I initially had the impression that you had either a card or software on your computer that recorded what you did and you just could drop it on YouTube without even breaking a sweat.
Of course, I learned quickly that isn't the case. Thankfully, PaulsoaresJr, the man who inspired me to get started with all this (and got me into Minecraft), explained the process he went through regularly to his viewers, even going so far as to record the process he goes through to record and edit hit footage.
Edit.
I had no idea how much work some of the bigger (and frankly better) YouTubers were putting into their videos. It wasn't so simple as record and upload. No, most of them recorded hours of footage, whittled it down into manageable chunks, added whatever touches they felt were needed, rendered out the footage, compressed the footage, created thumbnails, created descriptions, and THEN uploaded the footage to YouTube.
It turned out to be an intensely time-consuming process, one that I hadn't completely thought through.
Of course, there was a bigger issue in regards to getting going with the idea of recording my gameplay: I didn't have a computer to record with. I hit Ebay, scouring the site for a laptop that I thought could handle the load and eventually settled on bidding on an HP Compaq Presario with Nvidia graphics. It seemed like it would work, but I wasn't completely sure as I didn't really do the research necessary ahead of time.
I won the bid, paid for the laptop, and upon receiving it, installed Minecraft and FRAPS, a recording software, on it. I booted everything up and learned very quickly I had NO clue what I had gotten myself into.
My game didn't run well without FRAPS, but really took a beating once the recording software started. This of course was because I was using an older laptop that had didn't have a very good video card in it. It simply wasn't going to be able to run the game at high settings and record.
Luckily, I learned of a mod called Optifine that allowed me to get the most out of the game while recording with a fairly steady framerate. I wasn't getting anything remarkable, but I could get it in the 20-25 FPS (frames per second) for the most part, which was acceptable.
I didn't have a mic, and much like the laptop, didn't invest much into it as I bought a super cheap $10 headset thinking that would be adequate.
Like with the laptop, I was dreadfully wrong. The audio was horrible, often providing tremendous feedback and buzzing while I was recording, making it hard to hear.
That didn't deter me though, and I made the most of my experience while I played and recorded. I started off using Windows Movie Maker as my editor, which helped me learn the basics of editing. Of course, I wasn't very good at it and I was limited in what I could do, but I was doing my best and occasionally, people would comment with advice.
Eventually, I realized I was going to have to upgrade my equipment and software if my channel was ever going to get noticed. Sure, I could promote myself and get people to watch, but the truth was, most weren't going to put up with poor frame rates and bad audio. Top it off with lackluster editing, and you don't have much that's appealing.
The first thing I did was get a new mic. I purchased an Audio Technica ATR2500 USB mic that improved things substantially once I figured out how to set it up correctly. Of course, it didn't improve things all the way as a downside to using laptops to record is the loud fan that most have. That aside, my audio was better, which at least made the videos somewhat tolerable.
I then went ahead and purchased Sony Movie Studio 11, which allowed me greater freedom with editing, even if I had to learn a whole lot of new things that Movie Maker didn't explain. I had access to better titles, transitions, and effects, and I sought to use them even though it wasn't necessary. I learned that a fancier editor meant longer render times, and also required me to get a compressor since the files were pretty big. I also had to remember to disable the resampling that Movie Studio did automatically, causing a motion blur effect.
About a year and a half ago, the next major upgrade took place, a move that greatly enhanced what I could do with my channel.
I bought a better laptop, one that was much better at handling more games, better recording software (I now use Dxtory because it allows me to split game audio from my commentary), and more powerful editing software.
My HP Envy won't blow anyone away, but if you watch videos prior to March of 2014 (excluding the first MesaBuilt episodes), then watch videos afterwards, you can tell the difference the laptop has made. I've even been able to record certain games at 60FPS (30FPS has been the standard for years now), although that takes longer to render out.
I was gifted Adobe Premiere Pro from a close friend, which was vastly different, yet similar to editing in Movie Studio. I also have learned to get a bit better with Photoshop, thus improving my thumbnails. I've learned how to edit videos better, not overdo things, and improve the commentary (now with an Audio Technica AT2020USB+ mic).
Yet my videos could still be better.
One day, I'll have a powerful desktop PC. I'll be able to record at minimum 1080p 60FPS without a loud laptop fan causing me to have to do a ton of audio editing. I'll have the ability to record and stream any game I want, only limited by time, not resources.
But right now, I can't complain too much. I can stream if I want (daveycracker80 on Twitch) and can record most games comfortably. I've upgraded my hard drive, added external storage, added a full HD web cam, and have improved as an editor.
But I'm always learning, always trying to figure out new and better ways to do things.
3 years ago, FPS didn't mean much to me. I had no idea how to put transitions into a video, how to find a good balance between voice audio and background music, how to make a thumbnail (or how to use Photoshop for that matter), what to talk about in my videos, or how to get my videos out to the masses.
While my channel hasn't grown much, I feel I have grown a lot as a gamer, as a video editor, and have a pretty good understanding of what I would have to do differently if there's a next time.
Will there be a next time? It depends. If I end up being in position to buy/build a more powerful PC, I will relaunch my YouTube channel. I would keep the old channel up (maybe use it strictly for Vlogs?) to preserve the older videos, but I wouldn't be bringing much older content over with me (with the exception of any series that are in process at the time of switching over). The art would likely stay similar to how it is now, but maybe with a refreshed look and new ideas on what games I'd record and how I carry myself on the channel.
This is likely at least a year or so away, as I don't anticipate having the money for a new PC anytime soon (there are FAR more pressing things to worry about short-term), but it's something that I'll be keeping in the back of my mind for the future.
My stream would likely only receive a matching refresh of art (which is in flux anyway since I keep changing my mind on how I want things to look) as I'm satisfied with how I've started with streaming, even if it's super infrequent (and not likely to resume until after I move in the future).
I doubt I'll ever be much of a big name on YouTube, and that's fine with me. I don't do it for accolades or to get a ton of viewers. I do it because it's fun to think that someone, somewhere might watch me play a game, and possibly enjoy it. I don't care if I become a big name or not, because frankly the odds aren't good. Too many people are trying to do it and be the next big name, so it's hard to get your voice heard.
For now, I'm going to enjoy the process when I get a chance to do it. Recording games is fun, editing can be fun, and I enjoy when I do get feedback on my videos.
Maybe some day I'll be in position to do unboxing videos, give things away, and be sponsored by a company or two, but if not, I'll make the most of the views I do get and try to have as much fun as I can.
3 years ago I started on a journey into YouTube that I don't regret. I went from knowing virtually nothing to at least being competent with this hobby that I picked up. I've learned a lot from the process and hope to continue to grow as a content creator in the future.
Thanks for reading and if you've watched any of my content, thanks for the view!
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