Imagine how much fun we would've had if the Cleveland Indians would've won last night?
In what was an uninspiring offensive performance (0 runs on 2 hits), the Indians fell to the Oakland Athletics 3-0.
I had a feeling about what kind of night it was going to be when we sat down in our seats, I saw Fausto/Roberto Carmona/Hernandez pitching, runners on base, and no idea who was at shortstop, third base, or left field. Also, the sight of Matt LaPorta at first base led to a mini-game of nicknames involving his last name (LaStrikeout, LaPopout, LaCaughtlookingagain) later in the game as he came up with runners on base.
I also knew what kind of night it was going to be when the A's hitters were putting Hernandez's pitches in the air, a bad sign for a sinkerball pitcher. Oh, and the home run in the second inning. That was a bad sign too.
Seriously, the game itself was a trainwreck. Hernandez was gone in the third inning (still have no clue what happened, but that's mostly because I wasn't paying attention at the time and have yet to read about it) and his relief pitched a whole lot better than he did.
Then I figured out Jason Donald was at third base, Brent Lillibridge was at short, and Shelly Duncan was in left field. That did NOT ease my concerns about the offense in the least.
While the A's were putting runners on base for the first few innings, the Indians were trying to see how quickly they could get back into the field. There were so many 3 and 4 pitch at-bats that it was becoming contagious almost. As if it were the only way it could end, Michael Brantley (aka Milton Bradley) struckout looking at three straight fastballs in the ninth with two runners on base.
This was our second game this year and the two games couldn't have been more different. The first game against the Mariners the Indians put up 10 runs off of Felix Hernandez and the Seattle Mariners on Puppypalooza night. It was fun, the atmosphere was great, and the fans were into the game. Last night? Mostly empty, fans were bored, and even Rachel and I were entertaining ourselves for the most part.
Some random moments from the game included Rachel guessing pinch hitter when she meant switch hitter, confusing Milton Bradley and Michael Brantley, me saying the bathead when farther than the bat when I meant to say farther than the ball, her looking up a player she thought played for the Indians and telling me he made $48,000, I mean $408,000, I mean $480,000 this season.
We still had fun at the game, which is pretty much how things go when we go out into public. The game was dull, but we made it entertaining for ourselves more than most ever could've.
I don't know if we're going to make it to anymore games this season. I don't want to rule it out, but at this stage, I'd rather save the money and try to get to a Browns game instead. I mean, sure they're probably going to stink again (lots of rookies and young players on both sides, plus injuries), but we didn't get to go last year and we both love the Browns.
As for the Indians, I can't begin to understand how two years in a row they go from first place to being the bottom of the barrel in baseball. This year's collapse is even worse than last year's since they supposedly had learned from last year.
So instead, I will focus on the upcoming Browns and Buckeyes football seasons since, well, it's almost football season and nothing says American like grown men smashing into each other in front of replacement officials.
Oy.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
My Warrior Dash experience
Before I detail my experience with the Warrior Dash, let me say thanks to everyone who donated to St. Jude on my behalf. As of this post I've raised $525 with most of it coming from co-workers.
The Warrior Dash itself was a great experience. I intend to do it again next year and will probably register before the end of the year so that it's much cheaper to go. It was definitely worth it though. It was the first race I've ever participated in and while I probably could've finished a little faster, I can't complain too much about it.
Overall, my time was 37:34, which is a little higher than I'd normally run if there weren't obstacles in my way. My last run was 3.3 miles in 32:05, so my pace was slowed by the obstacles somewhat, especially early on since the water ones gave me a little trouble.
For those wondering, I had a tutu on, which isn't all that unusual for the event. What made it real neat was the fact that Payton had a matching tutu, I had a beater that said "Jerkface" on the back, and Payton had a shirt that said "Team Jerkface." There were several comments made to us about the outfits and to me, it was only appropriate to wear one with Payton cheering me on.
In any case, the race starts off innocently enough. It's mostly running, but the trick is that you have to run uphill in several spots, which slows things down considerably. The path also becomes narrow in spots, which makes getting around people difficult at times, and a few were already walking up the hill.
After a little over a half-mile of that, you finally reach the first obstacle, the Barricade Breakdown, which consists of climbing over a board, then going under barbed wire and repeating 3 more times with each. It's actually one of the longest obstacles and the combination of pulling yourself up then dropping down is more grueling than you realize at first.
Almost immediately after you finish that one is the Rio Run, which is essentially running in a shallow creek for a brief period. This one isn't that difficult except for the people in front of you suddenly going from a brisk run to a slow walk. Unfortunately, they became the victim of a massive splashing as I ran by without slowing.
Shortly after that came the Deadweight Drift, which threw some people off since it was earlier than the map online showed. It slowed me down as I realized the tutu was sliding all the way down as I flung myself over the logs. The water was also much deeper than waist high in spots, which complicated things slightly. This one took me the longest to complete just because of the wardrobe malfunction.
Immediately after that was the Capsized Catamaran, which was a floating island with two separate barriers to climb over. Essentially, you pull yourself up out of the water, climb up the barrier, jump down, climb up another barrier, jump down, then jump back in the water and I had to actually swim to the riverbank before pulling myself up out of the water.
After that, there was another long stretch of running before finally reaching The Trenches, which wasn't quite like the map had depicted it. It was supposed to be a trench covered by logs and you crawled under the barbed wire under the logs, but the log part was missing when I went by. It was relatively harmless except for those who were very tall. I feel for anyone who was really tall since I barely was able to squeeze under the first set of wire.
Chaotic Crossover was the next obstacle after another brief run through the woods. After you came out, you could see the wooden structure with the cargo netting stretching between a couple of sections of planks. What made this section funny were the guys who tried to stand and run across the netting. Most made it a couple of steps before falling, while another tried to walk across the side beam. He made it halfway before falling off. I decided I was going to crawl my way across and ended up passing by the other guys who had tried alternative methods of crossing.
After I finished that obstacle, I came across a group of people who were dressed as Waldo. The sad thing about that was that they were from the previous group of runners, which means in 45 minutes they hadn't finished the course that I was halfway done with. After running past them, I came across Deadman's Drop, which seemed more daunting than it actually was. You had to climb up one side of it, swing yourself over the top, then lower yourself down until you were close enough to just fall to the ground. When you're on the top of it, it seems like a much more difficult task.
You head back towards the woods after finishing that and after a short while, you hit the next obstacle, Leader's Ledge, which is another obstacle that was much easier than anticipated. The ledges are wide enough to where you can get a good portion of your foot on it, then it's just a matter of grabbing on to the handholds that are protruding out. I actually moved pretty quickly through this one.
Following that was a pretty good run from the woods into the open area before you encounter one of the final obstacles, the Horizontal Hike. This is another one that seems more intimidating than it actually is. You have to climb up the wooden beams, work your way across the top, turn yourself around, and climb back down the other side. It's a matter of concentration and remembering that you're no more than 20 feet off the ground at the highest point.
The Cargo Climb was the next obstacle and it wasn't too challenging either. It takes a little time to climb up the netting, but then once you pull yourself up over the top, you just have to climb down, jump off, and head towards the final two obstacles.
The second-to-last obstacle was the one that worried me most, not because I thought it was difficult, but because of the material my tutu was made of. The Warrior Roast is two sections of burning logs that you have to jump over, and while the flames aren't very high, I figured if the tute got within 5 feet of the flames, it could go up quickly. I jumped a little higher to ensure this didn't happen before plunging myself into the final obstacle, Muddy Mayhem.
There's nothing difficult about muddy mayhem. It's just a matter of staying low, in the mud, so you stay clear of the barbed wire above you. After that, it's a short run to the finish line where you can greet everyone with a mud hug, which I attempted to do with Payton, who was NOT thrilled with it at all. Nor did she enjoy the hose down for that matter.
Overall, I felt I did pretty good for my first race. I know a little more about what to expect for next time (and there will be a next time; I fully intend on registering for the 2013 Dash) and figure I'll be better trained as well.
The experience was really neat as well. Because I had raised at least $250, we were able to enjoy nicer accomodations, such as private bathrooms and showers, free food and drink, and a tent to sit under (which was unfortunately infested with tiny insects in the back). The weather was warm, but it didn't bother me at all, at least not until afterwards when I was trying to cool off.
Payton enjoyed being there as well. She was yelling "Team Jerkface" as I came down the home stretch, and after initially being mad at the mud, realized how much fun it was and tried to spread the joy. Rachel ended up with some minor mud spots as well, but Payton received the worst of it. I will try to get pictures on the blog soon; I'm in the process of setting up a cloud-type storage so I can get to the files easily.
I ran into my friend Sarah and her boyfriend Eric there as well. She wasn't thrilled with her time, but like me, she can say to people she finished it and has the medal to prove it. She's also talking about doing the dash next year so chances are good we'll see her up there again.
I'm already registered for my next race, the Run of the Dead, which takes place in October. Rachel and I will both be doing that one and it should be a lot of fun. It's a 5K run/jog/walk with a treasure hunt and people trying to scare you. Costumes are encouraged so we might be unveiling this year's costumes at that event.
In the coming year, I'm also hoping to do the Color Run and if I train well enough, consider signing up for the Tough Mudder. I really enjoyed my experience this past weekend and can't wait to do some more running in the near future.
So thanks for the donations and thanks for the support. It was fun and I can't wait to do it again.
The Warrior Dash itself was a great experience. I intend to do it again next year and will probably register before the end of the year so that it's much cheaper to go. It was definitely worth it though. It was the first race I've ever participated in and while I probably could've finished a little faster, I can't complain too much about it.
Overall, my time was 37:34, which is a little higher than I'd normally run if there weren't obstacles in my way. My last run was 3.3 miles in 32:05, so my pace was slowed by the obstacles somewhat, especially early on since the water ones gave me a little trouble.
For those wondering, I had a tutu on, which isn't all that unusual for the event. What made it real neat was the fact that Payton had a matching tutu, I had a beater that said "Jerkface" on the back, and Payton had a shirt that said "Team Jerkface." There were several comments made to us about the outfits and to me, it was only appropriate to wear one with Payton cheering me on.
In any case, the race starts off innocently enough. It's mostly running, but the trick is that you have to run uphill in several spots, which slows things down considerably. The path also becomes narrow in spots, which makes getting around people difficult at times, and a few were already walking up the hill.
After a little over a half-mile of that, you finally reach the first obstacle, the Barricade Breakdown, which consists of climbing over a board, then going under barbed wire and repeating 3 more times with each. It's actually one of the longest obstacles and the combination of pulling yourself up then dropping down is more grueling than you realize at first.
Almost immediately after you finish that one is the Rio Run, which is essentially running in a shallow creek for a brief period. This one isn't that difficult except for the people in front of you suddenly going from a brisk run to a slow walk. Unfortunately, they became the victim of a massive splashing as I ran by without slowing.
Shortly after that came the Deadweight Drift, which threw some people off since it was earlier than the map online showed. It slowed me down as I realized the tutu was sliding all the way down as I flung myself over the logs. The water was also much deeper than waist high in spots, which complicated things slightly. This one took me the longest to complete just because of the wardrobe malfunction.
Immediately after that was the Capsized Catamaran, which was a floating island with two separate barriers to climb over. Essentially, you pull yourself up out of the water, climb up the barrier, jump down, climb up another barrier, jump down, then jump back in the water and I had to actually swim to the riverbank before pulling myself up out of the water.
After that, there was another long stretch of running before finally reaching The Trenches, which wasn't quite like the map had depicted it. It was supposed to be a trench covered by logs and you crawled under the barbed wire under the logs, but the log part was missing when I went by. It was relatively harmless except for those who were very tall. I feel for anyone who was really tall since I barely was able to squeeze under the first set of wire.
Chaotic Crossover was the next obstacle after another brief run through the woods. After you came out, you could see the wooden structure with the cargo netting stretching between a couple of sections of planks. What made this section funny were the guys who tried to stand and run across the netting. Most made it a couple of steps before falling, while another tried to walk across the side beam. He made it halfway before falling off. I decided I was going to crawl my way across and ended up passing by the other guys who had tried alternative methods of crossing.
After I finished that obstacle, I came across a group of people who were dressed as Waldo. The sad thing about that was that they were from the previous group of runners, which means in 45 minutes they hadn't finished the course that I was halfway done with. After running past them, I came across Deadman's Drop, which seemed more daunting than it actually was. You had to climb up one side of it, swing yourself over the top, then lower yourself down until you were close enough to just fall to the ground. When you're on the top of it, it seems like a much more difficult task.
You head back towards the woods after finishing that and after a short while, you hit the next obstacle, Leader's Ledge, which is another obstacle that was much easier than anticipated. The ledges are wide enough to where you can get a good portion of your foot on it, then it's just a matter of grabbing on to the handholds that are protruding out. I actually moved pretty quickly through this one.
Following that was a pretty good run from the woods into the open area before you encounter one of the final obstacles, the Horizontal Hike. This is another one that seems more intimidating than it actually is. You have to climb up the wooden beams, work your way across the top, turn yourself around, and climb back down the other side. It's a matter of concentration and remembering that you're no more than 20 feet off the ground at the highest point.
The Cargo Climb was the next obstacle and it wasn't too challenging either. It takes a little time to climb up the netting, but then once you pull yourself up over the top, you just have to climb down, jump off, and head towards the final two obstacles.
The second-to-last obstacle was the one that worried me most, not because I thought it was difficult, but because of the material my tutu was made of. The Warrior Roast is two sections of burning logs that you have to jump over, and while the flames aren't very high, I figured if the tute got within 5 feet of the flames, it could go up quickly. I jumped a little higher to ensure this didn't happen before plunging myself into the final obstacle, Muddy Mayhem.
There's nothing difficult about muddy mayhem. It's just a matter of staying low, in the mud, so you stay clear of the barbed wire above you. After that, it's a short run to the finish line where you can greet everyone with a mud hug, which I attempted to do with Payton, who was NOT thrilled with it at all. Nor did she enjoy the hose down for that matter.
Overall, I felt I did pretty good for my first race. I know a little more about what to expect for next time (and there will be a next time; I fully intend on registering for the 2013 Dash) and figure I'll be better trained as well.
The experience was really neat as well. Because I had raised at least $250, we were able to enjoy nicer accomodations, such as private bathrooms and showers, free food and drink, and a tent to sit under (which was unfortunately infested with tiny insects in the back). The weather was warm, but it didn't bother me at all, at least not until afterwards when I was trying to cool off.
Payton enjoyed being there as well. She was yelling "Team Jerkface" as I came down the home stretch, and after initially being mad at the mud, realized how much fun it was and tried to spread the joy. Rachel ended up with some minor mud spots as well, but Payton received the worst of it. I will try to get pictures on the blog soon; I'm in the process of setting up a cloud-type storage so I can get to the files easily.
I ran into my friend Sarah and her boyfriend Eric there as well. She wasn't thrilled with her time, but like me, she can say to people she finished it and has the medal to prove it. She's also talking about doing the dash next year so chances are good we'll see her up there again.
I'm already registered for my next race, the Run of the Dead, which takes place in October. Rachel and I will both be doing that one and it should be a lot of fun. It's a 5K run/jog/walk with a treasure hunt and people trying to scare you. Costumes are encouraged so we might be unveiling this year's costumes at that event.
In the coming year, I'm also hoping to do the Color Run and if I train well enough, consider signing up for the Tough Mudder. I really enjoyed my experience this past weekend and can't wait to do some more running in the near future.
So thanks for the donations and thanks for the support. It was fun and I can't wait to do it again.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Update to the course I'm taking on
When I originally wrote that I was taking part in the Warrior Dash, I had posted a blog listing some of the obstacles listed on the web site. It didn't seem like it was the final version because it said that the course map was coming soon, but I wasn't entirely sure.
Well, I checked the site again yesterday and discovered that it wasn't the right list of obstacles and now have an updated list of the obstacles I'm going to be traversing through over the course of 3.12 miles.
*Barricade Breakdown - In this I have to over the barricades and under barbed wired.
*Rio Run - A run down a river.
*Capsized Catamaran - The description says it all "swim, climb, stumble, swim"
*Cliffhanger - I get to rapel!
*Deadweight Drifter - Wading through waist deep water and over logs.
*The Trenches - It says to stay low to crawl in the dirt and under the logs.
*Chaotic Crossover - Crossing over tangled cargo nets.
*Deadman's Drop - No description, but sounds fun
*Leader's Ledge - A walk across a narrow ledge above water.
*Horizontal Hike - Traversing over an arching obstruction.
*Cargo Climb - More fun with cargo nets.
*Warrior Roast - Hopping over flames
*Muddy Mayhem - The final leg of the run through the mud under barbed wire.
Needless to say, I'm excited. I hope that I do well and have a great story to tell in the days following the dash.
Finally, it's not too late to donate to St. Jude. I've raised $500 so far, which is short of my goal, but so much better than I could've done if I just donated by myself. Thanks to those who have donated, thanks to anyone who donates before the race starts, and everyone else? Pray for me.
Just kidding, it should be fun.
See you after the dash!
Well, I checked the site again yesterday and discovered that it wasn't the right list of obstacles and now have an updated list of the obstacles I'm going to be traversing through over the course of 3.12 miles.
*Barricade Breakdown - In this I have to over the barricades and under barbed wired.
*Rio Run - A run down a river.
*Capsized Catamaran - The description says it all "swim, climb, stumble, swim"
*Cliffhanger - I get to rapel!
*Deadweight Drifter - Wading through waist deep water and over logs.
*The Trenches - It says to stay low to crawl in the dirt and under the logs.
*Chaotic Crossover - Crossing over tangled cargo nets.
*Deadman's Drop - No description, but sounds fun
*Leader's Ledge - A walk across a narrow ledge above water.
*Horizontal Hike - Traversing over an arching obstruction.
*Cargo Climb - More fun with cargo nets.
*Warrior Roast - Hopping over flames
*Muddy Mayhem - The final leg of the run through the mud under barbed wire.
Needless to say, I'm excited. I hope that I do well and have a great story to tell in the days following the dash.
Finally, it's not too late to donate to St. Jude. I've raised $500 so far, which is short of my goal, but so much better than I could've done if I just donated by myself. Thanks to those who have donated, thanks to anyone who donates before the race starts, and everyone else? Pray for me.
Just kidding, it should be fun.
See you after the dash!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
It never really goes away
I'm not going to pretend that the last two days were easy.
It was hard seeng so many people struggle so much with my dad's death. There's a part of me that wonders if that moments is going to come for me, but there's a part of me that thinks it never will.
I don't say that because it would make it easier to deal with, I say it because it's the truth.
During the wake, I didn't feel anything. Today, at the funeral, knowing it was the last time I was going to see him in the flesh, I didn't feel anything. Part of me wonders if that makes me a bad person, but I know a lot of it is because of how large our disconnect really was.
The real kicker for me today was going to the banquet hall after the funeral and seeing so many people drinking. Now, I know that they all weren't drinking to get drunk, but I just couldn't understand drinking after the funeral of a man who had such a large drinking problem.
That said, this isn't going to be about the bad stuff with my dad. I've written far too much about that in my time, so it's time to look at the good things he did.
The thing I learned the last two days is that my dad had problems, but he touched a lot of people. His former coworkers were really broken up over what happened and they had a lot of trouble seeing him in the casket. There were people who came from out of state to say their final goodbyes to my dad, mostly because they remember how much fun they had with him.
The pictures that were up said it all. There were pictures of him at work, pictures of him at home, but most of the pictures were of him and kids. You could literally trace the kids in the family by looking at these pictures. You had the pictures of him with my sisters and me. Then there were pictures of him with cousins, kids of cousins, and then Teresa's kids.
He was a kid magnet and he let them do whatever they wanted to him.
When I was a kid, he used to get down on his knees, give me a football, and tell me to try and get past him. I would run into him as hard as I could sometimes to try and knock him over and he took it. Every single time.
My dad had problems, but when he was right, there wasn't a better person in the world. That added to the frustration I had with him over the last few years, but I can never take away the fact that there were good times.
This death hit a lot of people hard. My mom had a tough time with it as did my sister of course, but there were others who were hit just as hard. My grandparents, especially my grandfather, were shellshocked. It just hit people in a way that, while expected, was still something to see.
A nice touch my mom threw in on the board of pictures she made was putting a picture up with Rachel and me. She wanted to put Payton up there, but had a brain cramp and didn't think to look on either of our Facebook pages to find one. Nevertheless, it was a nice gesture.
Equally nice was my former coworker Shannon making an appearance. I was definitely not expecting that and it was very, very appreciated, as were all the kind words people said to me on Facebook. Some of you reached out to me more than others, but every comment and post were appreciated.
I've said some harsh things about my dad. I know this. But there's no more time for it. He's passed on, forever in my memory and those who knew him.
Dad, we didn't see eye to eye very often. In fact, you infuriated me sometimes. I had very little desire to speak to you most of the time. I stayed away from family functions specifically to avoid running into you. But I didn't want to see you go, not like this. I wanted to see you at least try one more time to get it straight, make amends for your actions in the past.
You didn't get that chance, and while death is a terrible thing, I have to think you're in a better place now, that you're no longer suffering through whatever mental illness you had.
Our relationship was never what I wanted it to be, but you were still my dad. I always loved you even when you made me so angry that I couldn't even think about you.
RIP dad.
You were too young.
I don't want people asking me repeatedly if I'm okay. I am. I have a good support system and there are people who need my support much more than I need it. My dad was the main person helping my grandfather out in Ashtabula, so I'm going to try and make it a point to help him as much as I can going forward.
Truth is, my dad wouldn't want any of us to dwell on this. He'd want us to move on, have fun with our lives, and keep things in perspective.
I hope that the rest of the family does so, although I think it's going to be very difficult for some.
Again, thanks to everyone who's reached out to me.
I appreciate it.
Happier posts will be coming. I have a Warrior Dash to go after, a fitness class to continue, and so much more to enjoy in life.
Don't take it for granted.
It was hard seeng so many people struggle so much with my dad's death. There's a part of me that wonders if that moments is going to come for me, but there's a part of me that thinks it never will.
I don't say that because it would make it easier to deal with, I say it because it's the truth.
During the wake, I didn't feel anything. Today, at the funeral, knowing it was the last time I was going to see him in the flesh, I didn't feel anything. Part of me wonders if that makes me a bad person, but I know a lot of it is because of how large our disconnect really was.
The real kicker for me today was going to the banquet hall after the funeral and seeing so many people drinking. Now, I know that they all weren't drinking to get drunk, but I just couldn't understand drinking after the funeral of a man who had such a large drinking problem.
That said, this isn't going to be about the bad stuff with my dad. I've written far too much about that in my time, so it's time to look at the good things he did.
The thing I learned the last two days is that my dad had problems, but he touched a lot of people. His former coworkers were really broken up over what happened and they had a lot of trouble seeing him in the casket. There were people who came from out of state to say their final goodbyes to my dad, mostly because they remember how much fun they had with him.
The pictures that were up said it all. There were pictures of him at work, pictures of him at home, but most of the pictures were of him and kids. You could literally trace the kids in the family by looking at these pictures. You had the pictures of him with my sisters and me. Then there were pictures of him with cousins, kids of cousins, and then Teresa's kids.
He was a kid magnet and he let them do whatever they wanted to him.
When I was a kid, he used to get down on his knees, give me a football, and tell me to try and get past him. I would run into him as hard as I could sometimes to try and knock him over and he took it. Every single time.
My dad had problems, but when he was right, there wasn't a better person in the world. That added to the frustration I had with him over the last few years, but I can never take away the fact that there were good times.
This death hit a lot of people hard. My mom had a tough time with it as did my sister of course, but there were others who were hit just as hard. My grandparents, especially my grandfather, were shellshocked. It just hit people in a way that, while expected, was still something to see.
A nice touch my mom threw in on the board of pictures she made was putting a picture up with Rachel and me. She wanted to put Payton up there, but had a brain cramp and didn't think to look on either of our Facebook pages to find one. Nevertheless, it was a nice gesture.
Equally nice was my former coworker Shannon making an appearance. I was definitely not expecting that and it was very, very appreciated, as were all the kind words people said to me on Facebook. Some of you reached out to me more than others, but every comment and post were appreciated.
I've said some harsh things about my dad. I know this. But there's no more time for it. He's passed on, forever in my memory and those who knew him.
Dad, we didn't see eye to eye very often. In fact, you infuriated me sometimes. I had very little desire to speak to you most of the time. I stayed away from family functions specifically to avoid running into you. But I didn't want to see you go, not like this. I wanted to see you at least try one more time to get it straight, make amends for your actions in the past.
You didn't get that chance, and while death is a terrible thing, I have to think you're in a better place now, that you're no longer suffering through whatever mental illness you had.
Our relationship was never what I wanted it to be, but you were still my dad. I always loved you even when you made me so angry that I couldn't even think about you.
RIP dad.
You were too young.
I don't want people asking me repeatedly if I'm okay. I am. I have a good support system and there are people who need my support much more than I need it. My dad was the main person helping my grandfather out in Ashtabula, so I'm going to try and make it a point to help him as much as I can going forward.
Truth is, my dad wouldn't want any of us to dwell on this. He'd want us to move on, have fun with our lives, and keep things in perspective.
I hope that the rest of the family does so, although I think it's going to be very difficult for some.
Again, thanks to everyone who's reached out to me.
I appreciate it.
Happier posts will be coming. I have a Warrior Dash to go after, a fitness class to continue, and so much more to enjoy in life.
Don't take it for granted.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
I should be sad
I should be crushed.
My weekend should've been completely ruined, completely turned upside down.
I should be an emotional wreck right now.
I found it yesterday that on Wednesday, my dad died of an apparent heart attack, most likely brought about because of his continued problem with alcoholism. The night he died he had left drunken voicemails for my mom, who along with my sister, is completely devastated by the news.
See, the day he died was their wedding anniversary, and while they had been divorced for many years, she still loved him and it's pretty likely that he still loved her. So she's understandable having a hard time with this, just like my sister, who unlike me, tried for years to continue to have a functioning relationship with him.
Me?
I had detached myself from him years ago. Most who know me well know that. I've written a few blogs detailing why I feel the way I do about him and why I was done giving him chances.
When the news was given to me, there was no sadness, there was no remorse, there was, well, nothing. I literally had no feeling one way or another about finding that out, which I suppose shows just how little I felt for the man that was partly responsible for me existing in the first place. I just wanted to make sure I was there for my mom and sister.
I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about it all though. I've always sometimes wondered "what if" when it came to him, so I of course started thinking once more what if he hadn't had the alcohol problem, what if he avoided drugs?
The bigger thing for me though is what if the rest of his family had stepped in rather than act like nothing was wrong. What if they had heard our pleas for help rather than turn away from us? What if they had forced him to face the reality of his actions rather than enable him?
There are certain members on his side of the family that just irritate me with their actions. Most are caring people who mean well, but there are a couple who just are clueless and think they know what's best. One in particular still hasn't grown up and acts like a 20 year old when they are older than that.
There's a part of me that wishes I could sit them all down in a room, tell them to keep quiet, and tell them about all the stuff that they don't want to hear about. Tell them all about the nights that he came home at 3am and scared us all because he was so drunk, so high, and looking for a fight. I'd tell them that it wasn't just one night, it wasn't just two nights. It was repeatedly over the years. I'd tell them how we were afraid of the repercussions of his actions, his dealings with drug dealers. I'd tell them how we weren't sure he was even going to come home sometimes.
I know that will never happen. A lot of his family lives in a world where his problems weren't that bad, that he wasn't an alcoholic, he didn't do drugs, and he wasn't mentally unstable. They refuse to believe that anything was that bad, that he meant well.
I kind of feel sorry for them. It must be nice to live in a world where people don't have serious problems, drug issues, or alcoholism.
See, I live in a world where I see it all the time. I work in an environment where I see it constantly. I see the people coming through and know that he was someone who should've been going to a place like where I work. But I know it would never happen. He never admitted to having a problem and a lot of the family didn't accept that he had a problem.
Now he's dead. Dead because of the primary problem that he had. His parents outlived him and that's not something that should happen.
He didn't deserve to die. I'm going to say that now. All the animosity, all the anger towards him, all the years that went by without us talking didn't make me wish him dead. I was perfectly content with not talking to him and going about my life. It's had its ups and downs, but things are fairly stable now and I have very little to worry about other than figuring out my car situation.
There has been some talk about my sister and I being beneficiaries of something, but I'm not sold on that. I do believe it's possible that he had something set up, but I also wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. In short, I'm not going to hold my breath on this.
Instead, I'm going to continue to look forward as I always have. I have my Warrior Dash coming next weekend, which I need to continue training for. I have a very good job. I have a great girlfriend who has a funny kid to keep me entertained. We have great pets (even though Kisa needs to cut out the peeing thing).
I'm going to wrap this up now with another pitch for my fundraising activity. I haven't received any donations in a while and have been stuck at $205. If anyone wants to donate, you have until Sunday, August 26th to do so. So please, give a little towards St. Jude. It's a good cause and helps motivate me to run even harder.
It was encouraging to hear the trainer of our fitness class tell me that he thinks I'm going to be good to go for it, but I'm going to keep running all week as I prepare for it. He gave me some good tips for training for the race/obstacle course that I'm going to heed. It means missing a class, but I'm going to do my best to make up for it the first few days this week and in the classes after the race.
Anyone who wants to come watch me can as well. Just comment or if you know me, contact me and I'll tell you where to go.
My Donation Page
Hope everyone had a good weekend. I'll write a separate blog about the weekend and the race in the next couple of days.
My weekend should've been completely ruined, completely turned upside down.
I should be an emotional wreck right now.
I found it yesterday that on Wednesday, my dad died of an apparent heart attack, most likely brought about because of his continued problem with alcoholism. The night he died he had left drunken voicemails for my mom, who along with my sister, is completely devastated by the news.
See, the day he died was their wedding anniversary, and while they had been divorced for many years, she still loved him and it's pretty likely that he still loved her. So she's understandable having a hard time with this, just like my sister, who unlike me, tried for years to continue to have a functioning relationship with him.
Me?
I had detached myself from him years ago. Most who know me well know that. I've written a few blogs detailing why I feel the way I do about him and why I was done giving him chances.
When the news was given to me, there was no sadness, there was no remorse, there was, well, nothing. I literally had no feeling one way or another about finding that out, which I suppose shows just how little I felt for the man that was partly responsible for me existing in the first place. I just wanted to make sure I was there for my mom and sister.
I've spent a fair amount of time thinking about it all though. I've always sometimes wondered "what if" when it came to him, so I of course started thinking once more what if he hadn't had the alcohol problem, what if he avoided drugs?
The bigger thing for me though is what if the rest of his family had stepped in rather than act like nothing was wrong. What if they had heard our pleas for help rather than turn away from us? What if they had forced him to face the reality of his actions rather than enable him?
There are certain members on his side of the family that just irritate me with their actions. Most are caring people who mean well, but there are a couple who just are clueless and think they know what's best. One in particular still hasn't grown up and acts like a 20 year old when they are older than that.
There's a part of me that wishes I could sit them all down in a room, tell them to keep quiet, and tell them about all the stuff that they don't want to hear about. Tell them all about the nights that he came home at 3am and scared us all because he was so drunk, so high, and looking for a fight. I'd tell them that it wasn't just one night, it wasn't just two nights. It was repeatedly over the years. I'd tell them how we were afraid of the repercussions of his actions, his dealings with drug dealers. I'd tell them how we weren't sure he was even going to come home sometimes.
I know that will never happen. A lot of his family lives in a world where his problems weren't that bad, that he wasn't an alcoholic, he didn't do drugs, and he wasn't mentally unstable. They refuse to believe that anything was that bad, that he meant well.
I kind of feel sorry for them. It must be nice to live in a world where people don't have serious problems, drug issues, or alcoholism.
See, I live in a world where I see it all the time. I work in an environment where I see it constantly. I see the people coming through and know that he was someone who should've been going to a place like where I work. But I know it would never happen. He never admitted to having a problem and a lot of the family didn't accept that he had a problem.
Now he's dead. Dead because of the primary problem that he had. His parents outlived him and that's not something that should happen.
He didn't deserve to die. I'm going to say that now. All the animosity, all the anger towards him, all the years that went by without us talking didn't make me wish him dead. I was perfectly content with not talking to him and going about my life. It's had its ups and downs, but things are fairly stable now and I have very little to worry about other than figuring out my car situation.
There has been some talk about my sister and I being beneficiaries of something, but I'm not sold on that. I do believe it's possible that he had something set up, but I also wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. In short, I'm not going to hold my breath on this.
Instead, I'm going to continue to look forward as I always have. I have my Warrior Dash coming next weekend, which I need to continue training for. I have a very good job. I have a great girlfriend who has a funny kid to keep me entertained. We have great pets (even though Kisa needs to cut out the peeing thing).
I'm going to wrap this up now with another pitch for my fundraising activity. I haven't received any donations in a while and have been stuck at $205. If anyone wants to donate, you have until Sunday, August 26th to do so. So please, give a little towards St. Jude. It's a good cause and helps motivate me to run even harder.
It was encouraging to hear the trainer of our fitness class tell me that he thinks I'm going to be good to go for it, but I'm going to keep running all week as I prepare for it. He gave me some good tips for training for the race/obstacle course that I'm going to heed. It means missing a class, but I'm going to do my best to make up for it the first few days this week and in the classes after the race.
Anyone who wants to come watch me can as well. Just comment or if you know me, contact me and I'll tell you where to go.
My Donation Page
Hope everyone had a good weekend. I'll write a separate blog about the weekend and the race in the next couple of days.
Monday, August 13, 2012
A mini update
It's been 11 days so I figured it was time to give a mini update on the Warrior Dash.
First and foremost, thanks to anyone who's donated. Granted, all of the donations have been from coworkers at this point, but even so, the total so far is $205, which isn't too shabby. $45 and I'll reach the second achievement level. Just $795 from my overall goal with just under two weeks remaining.
Is it a little disappointing that no one from my Facebook (aside from coworkers) has donated? Meh, I suppose, but I realize that most don't have money to throw around. I'm hoping to get a few more donations by the time I race, but whatever I end up with is still going to be more than I would've donated myself, so it's already a victory as far as I'm concerned.
Tonight is another fitness class, which is so far helping me become more fit. The idea is that in the next two weeks I can add a little endurance and make finishing the dash that much easier. I figure the more I get a workout in, the better this experience will go. It's helped that Rachel's been pushing me to keep up with things as well.
In any case, I'm less than two weeks away from running and still looking for donations. I've been resisting mimicing a certain pop song when trying to persuade people to donate, but I may not have a choice but to unleash it upon the world.
Stay tuned for further updates and if you'd like to donate, please do so by going here.
Do it!
First and foremost, thanks to anyone who's donated. Granted, all of the donations have been from coworkers at this point, but even so, the total so far is $205, which isn't too shabby. $45 and I'll reach the second achievement level. Just $795 from my overall goal with just under two weeks remaining.
Is it a little disappointing that no one from my Facebook (aside from coworkers) has donated? Meh, I suppose, but I realize that most don't have money to throw around. I'm hoping to get a few more donations by the time I race, but whatever I end up with is still going to be more than I would've donated myself, so it's already a victory as far as I'm concerned.
Tonight is another fitness class, which is so far helping me become more fit. The idea is that in the next two weeks I can add a little endurance and make finishing the dash that much easier. I figure the more I get a workout in, the better this experience will go. It's helped that Rachel's been pushing me to keep up with things as well.
In any case, I'm less than two weeks away from running and still looking for donations. I've been resisting mimicing a certain pop song when trying to persuade people to donate, but I may not have a choice but to unleash it upon the world.
Stay tuned for further updates and if you'd like to donate, please do so by going here.
Do it!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Warrior Dash update #2
It's the second, right?
I can't keep it all straight.
Anyway, today I finally received the e-mail allowing me to set-up my donation page with St. Jude. With this page, you can, well, donate to St. Jude on my behalf. Any amount is appreciated so don't think you have to donate a big amount (yes, the opportunity to win a trip to Australia is pretty sweet, but that's not the reason to raise money, is it?)
So take a look and donate if you wish. Regardless of whether you donate or not, sharing the page is also appreciated, so hit the "share" button on the bottom.
I'll try to personally thank anyone who donates as they come in. As I said before, any amount is appreciated.
Donate!
If I get a decent amount of donations, I'll put a post up detailing what's been donated and how much I need to donate to reach my goal on a weekly basis until the time of the event.
What is the goal you ask? I'm hoping to raise $1,000. Yeah, seems like a big number, but with a little here and little there, next thing you know I'll be there.
Or so goes the hope.
I can't keep it all straight.
Anyway, today I finally received the e-mail allowing me to set-up my donation page with St. Jude. With this page, you can, well, donate to St. Jude on my behalf. Any amount is appreciated so don't think you have to donate a big amount (yes, the opportunity to win a trip to Australia is pretty sweet, but that's not the reason to raise money, is it?)
So take a look and donate if you wish. Regardless of whether you donate or not, sharing the page is also appreciated, so hit the "share" button on the bottom.
I'll try to personally thank anyone who donates as they come in. As I said before, any amount is appreciated.
Donate!
If I get a decent amount of donations, I'll put a post up detailing what's been donated and how much I need to donate to reach my goal on a weekly basis until the time of the event.
What is the goal you ask? I'm hoping to raise $1,000. Yeah, seems like a big number, but with a little here and little there, next thing you know I'll be there.
Or so goes the hope.
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