I was 5 years old when I first became aware of video games. I didn't know anything about them, I just knew that anyone who had them was almost instantly the coolest person on the block. I remember there was one person in my neighborhood who had one back then. I'd go over there and watch him and his sister run this funny looking guy through a bunch of levels, trying to avoid turtles and funny looking mushrooms with eyes.
This was back in 1986. Unbeknownst to me, the Nintendo Entertainment System was out and those kids who were able to convince their parents to buy one were having the time of their lives with it. The game was of course Super Mario Bros, a game that virtually saved the video game industry after Atari nuked it into near-oblivion.
It became a regular occurrence to head over to this kid's house to watch them play (this might be the point that helped spark my interest in watching people play games), and if I was real lucky, I'd get a chance to play it. But more often than not, I'd just sit and watch and marvel at what I was seeing.
I don't remember if it was that year or the following one, but I eventually received one for my birthday (or Christmas; my memory is REAL foggy on what the occasion was). Back then to help promote console sales, each NES came with a game, typically Super Mario Bros either with or without Duck Hunt, and some game with the Zapper gun (mine did). I remember after it was hooked up, we all sat down and took turns dying at the hands of a Goomba, Koopa, or in my case, the darn Spiny-thing that Lakitu would throw down (world 4 was ALWAYS my downfall).
Shortly after we got the NES, my mom went and bought The Legend of Zelda, thus starting what became my biggest love affair with gaming. The Zelda series, more than any other series, has withstood the test of time for me. Each console game has been met with excitement over the prospect of what secrets I would be able to discover this time, and very rarely has the game let me down.
The next monumental moment for me was when Super Mario Bros 3 was coming out. I had enjoyed the hell out of the first two games (yes, I know Mario 2 wasn't the true second Mario game, but it was still damn fun) and I had played the first two Zelda games to death, but the news of Mario 3 was the first time a video game became huge news to me. I was aware of how popular games were and knew this was being marketed differently than previous games.
Of course, you have to mention the horrific "The Wizard" movie tie-in, but back when that game came out? I didn't know any better. I sat through and watched the movie and when footage of Mario 3 appeared, I was about as excited as the next person.
I remember my mom taking me to Toys 'R Us shortly after Mario 3 had come out and I remember having it in my hands as we walked out of the store, but the rest is a blur. The game was incredible though, and I played it almost every day for several months. I never did manage to beat it (a common theme for me aside from the first Zelda), but I came close several times.
When I was a kid, my mom used to take care of a guy named Tom. He was a quadriplegic, but he loved computer games. His daughter owned a Super Nintendo, which was the next thing that caught my eye. I had heard of it and had a friend who owned one with Super Mario World, but I didn't really become fascinated with it until I learned a new Zelda game was out on it.
A Link to the Past is still probably my favorite Zelda game. At the time, it was challenging, but incredibly easy to play. The dungeons were complex, the enemies challenging, and the bosses were simply menacing. The notion of a light world and dark world was incredibly to me, and I took every chance I had to play the game when I'd be there with my mom.
We eventually bought our own SNES, I somehow ended up with a copy of Super Mario World, and spent dozens of hours a week at my friend Kevin's house playing all kinds of SNES games he had. I particularly remember Contra III: The Alien Wars as we spent hours on that game before finally beating it. There was also some Avengers game too, but I have vague memories of that.
Then we had our own Link to the Past copy. It was the last Zelda game my mom could play well (she struggles with the newer, 3D ones), but most of the time I was playing it as I was determined to beat the game. It was a sigh of relief when I finally did, and I ultimately moved on to other games for the SNES after it, but not before discovering some more games that I'd spend time with. Of course, Super Mario Kart can't be forgotten as I spent hours mastering that game.
My favorite thing to do in that game was to play with my sister, let her take first, and just hang back with the rest of the AI karts and take pot shots at them with green and red shells. I spent so much time with that that I actually became fairly good at aiming the green shells, a tactic that came in handy in future versions where the AI was more competent.
Finally, there's Earthbound, the rare RPG that I could get into for long stretches. It had a whacky, yet emotional story, fun characters, interesting weapons, and some unforgiving stretches that really would test your patience. That game took years for me to finally beat, but the sense of accomplishment was tremendous.
I'm obviously skipping a lot of the games I played for the NES and SNES, mostly because if I reminisced about every game, I'd still be talking about the early days of the NES. There were just so many fun games, too many to really sit and get in depth over all of them. TMNT, Kirby, and Bubble Bobble just to name a few. SNES gets even more in depth as I enjoyed Mario World 2, Super Mario RPG, and so many more.
I can't forget the Sega Genesis though. I came across this system thanks to my friend James and many hours were spent on Sonic the Hedgehog, Road Rage, but most importantly, Toejam & Earl, which is another one of those games I still enjoy to this day (the joy of finding it on XBox Live can't be understated at this point).
I later introduced my mom to Toejam & Earl, and many nights were lost to us trying to make it through all the levels. We failed many times, but we also succeeded once or twice, which was fairly rewarding. I'll never forget all the times my mom opened up either the Randomizer present or the Total Bummer! present when I just walked into the same section of the map she was on.
As I got older, my devotion to games started to change. Instead of constantly trying out the latest games, I stuck with the core game series that I had come to love. Primarily, I stuck with the Zelda and Mario Kart series on the Nintendo 64 through my high school days, occasionally dabbling in some Playstation titles like Driver and Driver 2.
When the Gamecube came out, it was once again Zelda games, Mario Sunshine, and Mario Kart: Double Dash. I enjoyed the hell out of the Ratchet and Clank series on the Playstation 2, but also found time to burn rubber in the Burnout series.
I think the next series that really grabbed a hold of me though was the Halo series. It was the reason I bought an Xbox. It was the reason I bought an Xbox 360. It will be the reason I eventually get an Xbox One. Sure, I've messed around with some other games, but my Xbox experience has primarily been to play all the Halo games, plus the occasional retro game that made appearances on the system.
That said, in 2012 I turned my attention to the PC side of games. Minecraft was the biggest game around and was part of the rise of content creation on YouTube (and eventually livestreaming services). I was drawn to it because of how much freedom it gave you to determine what you were going to do. It changed how I looked at gaming overall and was the sole game I played for probably 2 years.
Of course, you can only play a game so much before burning out, and luckily I have a laptop that can handle most games, so I have branched out some. I've played my share of interesting titles over the last year or so, from DayZ (ugh) to Ori and the Blind Forest (GOTY). While my gaming levels have dropped dramatically since Kylie has come around, I still have an interest in them and enjoy watching other people play them when I get the chance.
Where does that leave me going into 2016? Well, I do hope to get a little more time play more games as there are a lot of them I'd like to play. Rocket League, Halo 5, Star Wars: Battlefront, CS:GO, Don't Starve, Super Mario Maker, and a few others. Will I have that time? It depends on a number of factors, but at least once summer is here and I've moved, I might have an evening or two available for gaming (and/or recording/streaming as well).
I don't have the same dedication to games that some people have though. I don't spend 6 hours a day every day playing them. I'm not an expert at any game. But I still enjoy them and have grown up with them.
Before I go, I do want to mention that my Game of the Year is indeed Ori and the Blind Forest (available on Steam and Xbox One). It's the first game since Minecraft (and Halo 4) that completely and absolutely sucked me in. I was determined to finish that game and I did (all recorded too; just have to finish uploading the footage).
The game is beautiful in style and sound and plays exceptionally well. I'd recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good, yet challenging platforming game.
That's all for this post though. I'm hoping to have something up for the New Year talking about this past year and what I want to accomplish next year. I want 2016 to wash away the stench of 2015, which was a pretty turbulent year.
Until then, thanks for reading.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Friday, December 25, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
The troubles with dating
I wasn't going to write anything tonight.
In fact, my plan was to edit a video for a game series that I finished recording back in July, but still haven't finished editing the footage. As is often the case with me, I keep meaning to get around to it and just haven't and it's unfortunate as it prevents my YouTube channel from growing much.
But this isn't about my channel. It's not about video games. It's not even really too much about me.
I've been occasionally perusing a dating web site, seeing what kind of women are floating around on these sites, and have found myself consistently, yet unsurprisingly, wondering why they're even bothering to put a profile up when they're as bitter as they are.
Some aren't as bitter as others, but there's a large portion of the crowd who think men are despicable (not far from the truth) and that all men are worthless (not so true) and wonder if there's one out there to prove them wrong.
Now, full disclosure: I have little to no intention of dating anyone until after I've moved. There's just far too much going on right now to the point that I wouldn't be able to dedicate the amount of time I'd like to, and I'm simply not going to do that to anyone. I'm simply seeing what could potentially be there when I decide the time is right, if I decide to go the route of online browsing.
Now, I've always noticed that women tend to place men in one unifyingly large category and that category is "all men are assholes/jerks/fucktards" and so on. It's always bothered me, but I also knew if someone felt that strongly about men, it was likely going to take a MONUMENTAL shift in their mentality caused by an extraordinary guy for them to think differently, and I'm simply not that.
I'm not interested in THAT much effort to win someone over, and frankly don't need the aggravation that comes with constantly having to prove myself over and over again. I have a little girl. Your petty issues with the men you've previously chosen to date are fairly insignificant and not something I'm interested in spending a lot of time dealing with.
It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I don't have time for the games. I'm not going to chase someone. I'm not going to go through a ton of trials to "prove" that I'm worthy. I'll present who I am, flaws and all, and you can take it or leave it. If you choose not to take me as I am, well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
Yet here are all these profiles on these sites with women "fed up," "about to give up," "done with the little boys" asking where the "real men are" and that they probably won't even stay on the site long because of all the creeps that message them.
Now, admittedly, it's hard for women. There ARE a lot of creeps out there who are only interested in sticking their dongles in a woman and moving on to the next conquest. They sadly exist, just like there are indeed women only interested in romping around for a night or two then moving on. It's not what many are looking for, but there are a fair amount of people who just want to "hit it and quit it," to quote the cool kids.
If you're a decent-looking woman, you're probably receiving dozens upon dozens of messages a day from all types of guys and it probably becomes frustrating trying to weed out the rotten ones from the good ones. I can only imagine logging on, seeing all the visitors in the world, all the messages, and having to figure out if anyone's worth responding to. I can imagine it becomes easier to say screw it and walk away.
I can understand that.
What bothers me more are the people, yes I said people, who hate the opposite sex, who treat all members of the opposite sex as if they're trash and not worth even looking at, all because of some lousy relationships. Maybe I haven't been hurt bad enough by someone, but I've NEVER sat and thought "god I hate women. They're all the same! They're all a bunch of trashy sluts!"
I've always chalked up a bad relationship to bad breaks, people changing, sometimes a poor choice, or just things beyond my control wreaking havoc. It's life and mistakes happen. This isn't to imply that I consider all women I've dated to be mistakes as I've learned a lot about myself and the opposite sex through those relationships, but clearly things happened that indicated it wasn' meant to be and that's okay.
I just think some get so caught up in being hurt that they decide that it's going to happen again, which automatically sets you up for failure in the future.
Many have been cheated on, so they assume it's going to happen again. Or they've been lied to, so they can't trust anyone, even if the new person has done NOTHING to indicate they'd lie. They automatically take the failures of the last person and apply them to the new person, rather than giving the new person a clean slate.
But ultimately, shouldn't some of you hating on the opposite sex take a step back and look at yourself for a minute? You did make the choice to go out with the people you went out with, right? You did decide that this person was worth your time, right? I mean, no one put a gun to your head and say you had to date this lying, dirty, no good man/woman, right?
It just seems that so many don't learn from previous relationships soon enough. They fail to see warning signs early enough to prevent them from being hurt, or worse, they settle because this person was interested in them.
They keep on settling after that, the pattern repeats, and now you have a bitter person who has complete disdain for the opposite sex, yet in a way, probably is yearning for that companionship.
Obviously, it goes far deeper than that simple explanation. Everyone's mental make up is different and not everyone reacts the same to the same situation, but it just seems some hold a grudge against those who they've never even met because of some poor choices.
Now, this does not exonerate the men and women who treat each other poorly. Simply put, if you treat your significant person like shit, cheat on them, beat them, and belittle them just because you can, well, you can take a 2x4 to the face for all I care. There are a lot of shitty people out there in the world who don't care about others and just like to put others down because it makes them feel better. It's unfortunate but true.
It just doesn't make sense to me to be on a dating site if you aren't going to give someone a fair shake. If you're going to put in your profile you don't trust men, why be on there? If you think everyone is the same, then what's the point? If mentally, you can't give someone a fair chance to show you they're different, then you really shouldn't even be visible to those.
I just find it frustrating. So many have been in bad relationships and hold grudges. If you're holding a grudge, you haven't moved on and shouldn't be looking for anything anyway.
I've been in bad relationships before and I certainly know how to hold a grudge. If I don't want to talk to someone, you won't hear a peep from me for many months or more if I choose. Yet I don't hold those past issues against someone new. Yes, I'll be looking for signs of a repeat performance, but ultimately, you'll be given a fair chance to show me that you're different.
But confidence and self-esteem are funny things that can wreak havoc on a person's mind and perception of themselves and those around them. Some just don't feel good about themselves, so they feel better when someone gives them attention, even if it comes at the cost of potentially being treated very poorly.
I've seen it before. A woman is treated like crap by a guy, but he gives her a little positive attention and because her self-esteem is so low, she goes back even though she knows it's going to go bad again. No matter how often it happens, the cycle can continue for months and years until the woman has enough.
When they finally break it, they trust no one and then become bitter because they're lonely. It's sad and ultimately hard to fix.
Just my two cents worth on that.
To be honest, I'm not going to be all crazy about dating anyway. I've never cared for the games that some women play when it comes to dating and I certainly don't have the time for them now. I've always had the mentality if two people are interested in each other, they should at least see what could be there.
I used to find dating slightly exciting, yet terrifying. Now I'm just so meh about it. I have far bigger concerns. I have a little girl who means the world to me and in the end, if I never dated again, I would likely be okay with that. I'd never be completely lonely just because of her presence in my life, so chasing women is even less appealing now than it was when I was 25.
I used to be too worried about how I was perceived by woman when I was younger. I was someone who wanted attention, so the moment a girl showed any kind of interest, I was ALL over it like I had never received any attention before. Some of this goes back to when I was bullied as a kid, some of it is from not having a strong male figure in my life for much of my childhood. I just craved attention from women, so I settled a lot.
It took one particularly rough experience for me to learn my lesson and become a bit more selective, but I'm still not completely succeeding wildly when it comes to dating. My last relationship was the longest, but still ended and almost took a very dark turn before things settled down.
Yes, I was bullied as a kid. A lot. I dealt with a lot of name-calling, a lot of intimidation, and just general belittlement from those around me. My confidence was suffering and people seemed to take joy in it. It took a lot of work to get past those moments and realize that people will be shitty if you let them, but if you ignore them, they tend to disappear.
I still struggled with perception over the years though. I still craved attention from the opposite sex to compensate for not feeling good about myself. It took a lot of work to fix the issues I had with my self-esteem, and even now sometimes struggle with it if I think about it too much. It's never enough to drag me down, but it still happens.
I know what my worth is, and I refuse to chase when it comes to dating. I don't care for hard to get or having to prove myself over and over again. I'm certainly not a perfect individual (my teeth alone are a major buzzkill for most women I'd imagine), but I do try my best at the end of the day.
I don't hate the idea of dating. There are just simply so many beautiful women out there with solid personalities that at some point the person I'm meant to be with will come along. I just won't go searching every nook and cranny of the world to find that woman. Whether I already know her or not, she's out there and she'll pop in my life when the time is right, Kylie will accept her, and things will be golden.
Until then, I continue to lay low when it comes to dating. I'm not in any position to date while my ex is still my roommate (a major turnoff for some reason) and I simply can't promise the time I'd like to devote to dating someone, especially since right now I'm trying to focus on Kylie as much as I can.
I have a few things personally I need to improve, such as my level of fitness (very poor at the moment sadly), my teeth, and I need to be solid financially. As I said, I'm not perfect and I never will be. I will always have flaws, just like the women on these sites have their own flaws that must be accepted.
Now, just a few more things to touch on before I call it a day with this entry.
This seems to rear its head every so often and I admittedly have some feministic mannerisms that I've tried to correct, but they're so ingrained in my head that I can't. My ex has commented a few times that she wondered if I was or not and apparently her step dad has made numerous comments about it "having to be true," so I feel compelled to again remind the general population that I am most definitely attracted to women.
In fact, my plan was to edit a video for a game series that I finished recording back in July, but still haven't finished editing the footage. As is often the case with me, I keep meaning to get around to it and just haven't and it's unfortunate as it prevents my YouTube channel from growing much.
But this isn't about my channel. It's not about video games. It's not even really too much about me.
I've been occasionally perusing a dating web site, seeing what kind of women are floating around on these sites, and have found myself consistently, yet unsurprisingly, wondering why they're even bothering to put a profile up when they're as bitter as they are.
Some aren't as bitter as others, but there's a large portion of the crowd who think men are despicable (not far from the truth) and that all men are worthless (not so true) and wonder if there's one out there to prove them wrong.
Now, full disclosure: I have little to no intention of dating anyone until after I've moved. There's just far too much going on right now to the point that I wouldn't be able to dedicate the amount of time I'd like to, and I'm simply not going to do that to anyone. I'm simply seeing what could potentially be there when I decide the time is right, if I decide to go the route of online browsing.
Now, I've always noticed that women tend to place men in one unifyingly large category and that category is "all men are assholes/jerks/fucktards" and so on. It's always bothered me, but I also knew if someone felt that strongly about men, it was likely going to take a MONUMENTAL shift in their mentality caused by an extraordinary guy for them to think differently, and I'm simply not that.
I'm not interested in THAT much effort to win someone over, and frankly don't need the aggravation that comes with constantly having to prove myself over and over again. I have a little girl. Your petty issues with the men you've previously chosen to date are fairly insignificant and not something I'm interested in spending a lot of time dealing with.
It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I don't have time for the games. I'm not going to chase someone. I'm not going to go through a ton of trials to "prove" that I'm worthy. I'll present who I am, flaws and all, and you can take it or leave it. If you choose not to take me as I am, well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it.
Yet here are all these profiles on these sites with women "fed up," "about to give up," "done with the little boys" asking where the "real men are" and that they probably won't even stay on the site long because of all the creeps that message them.
Now, admittedly, it's hard for women. There ARE a lot of creeps out there who are only interested in sticking their dongles in a woman and moving on to the next conquest. They sadly exist, just like there are indeed women only interested in romping around for a night or two then moving on. It's not what many are looking for, but there are a fair amount of people who just want to "hit it and quit it," to quote the cool kids.
If you're a decent-looking woman, you're probably receiving dozens upon dozens of messages a day from all types of guys and it probably becomes frustrating trying to weed out the rotten ones from the good ones. I can only imagine logging on, seeing all the visitors in the world, all the messages, and having to figure out if anyone's worth responding to. I can imagine it becomes easier to say screw it and walk away.
I can understand that.
What bothers me more are the people, yes I said people, who hate the opposite sex, who treat all members of the opposite sex as if they're trash and not worth even looking at, all because of some lousy relationships. Maybe I haven't been hurt bad enough by someone, but I've NEVER sat and thought "god I hate women. They're all the same! They're all a bunch of trashy sluts!"
I've always chalked up a bad relationship to bad breaks, people changing, sometimes a poor choice, or just things beyond my control wreaking havoc. It's life and mistakes happen. This isn't to imply that I consider all women I've dated to be mistakes as I've learned a lot about myself and the opposite sex through those relationships, but clearly things happened that indicated it wasn' meant to be and that's okay.
I just think some get so caught up in being hurt that they decide that it's going to happen again, which automatically sets you up for failure in the future.
Many have been cheated on, so they assume it's going to happen again. Or they've been lied to, so they can't trust anyone, even if the new person has done NOTHING to indicate they'd lie. They automatically take the failures of the last person and apply them to the new person, rather than giving the new person a clean slate.
But ultimately, shouldn't some of you hating on the opposite sex take a step back and look at yourself for a minute? You did make the choice to go out with the people you went out with, right? You did decide that this person was worth your time, right? I mean, no one put a gun to your head and say you had to date this lying, dirty, no good man/woman, right?
It just seems that so many don't learn from previous relationships soon enough. They fail to see warning signs early enough to prevent them from being hurt, or worse, they settle because this person was interested in them.
They keep on settling after that, the pattern repeats, and now you have a bitter person who has complete disdain for the opposite sex, yet in a way, probably is yearning for that companionship.
Obviously, it goes far deeper than that simple explanation. Everyone's mental make up is different and not everyone reacts the same to the same situation, but it just seems some hold a grudge against those who they've never even met because of some poor choices.
Now, this does not exonerate the men and women who treat each other poorly. Simply put, if you treat your significant person like shit, cheat on them, beat them, and belittle them just because you can, well, you can take a 2x4 to the face for all I care. There are a lot of shitty people out there in the world who don't care about others and just like to put others down because it makes them feel better. It's unfortunate but true.
It just doesn't make sense to me to be on a dating site if you aren't going to give someone a fair shake. If you're going to put in your profile you don't trust men, why be on there? If you think everyone is the same, then what's the point? If mentally, you can't give someone a fair chance to show you they're different, then you really shouldn't even be visible to those.
I just find it frustrating. So many have been in bad relationships and hold grudges. If you're holding a grudge, you haven't moved on and shouldn't be looking for anything anyway.
I've been in bad relationships before and I certainly know how to hold a grudge. If I don't want to talk to someone, you won't hear a peep from me for many months or more if I choose. Yet I don't hold those past issues against someone new. Yes, I'll be looking for signs of a repeat performance, but ultimately, you'll be given a fair chance to show me that you're different.
But confidence and self-esteem are funny things that can wreak havoc on a person's mind and perception of themselves and those around them. Some just don't feel good about themselves, so they feel better when someone gives them attention, even if it comes at the cost of potentially being treated very poorly.
I've seen it before. A woman is treated like crap by a guy, but he gives her a little positive attention and because her self-esteem is so low, she goes back even though she knows it's going to go bad again. No matter how often it happens, the cycle can continue for months and years until the woman has enough.
When they finally break it, they trust no one and then become bitter because they're lonely. It's sad and ultimately hard to fix.
Just my two cents worth on that.
To be honest, I'm not going to be all crazy about dating anyway. I've never cared for the games that some women play when it comes to dating and I certainly don't have the time for them now. I've always had the mentality if two people are interested in each other, they should at least see what could be there.
I used to find dating slightly exciting, yet terrifying. Now I'm just so meh about it. I have far bigger concerns. I have a little girl who means the world to me and in the end, if I never dated again, I would likely be okay with that. I'd never be completely lonely just because of her presence in my life, so chasing women is even less appealing now than it was when I was 25.
I used to be too worried about how I was perceived by woman when I was younger. I was someone who wanted attention, so the moment a girl showed any kind of interest, I was ALL over it like I had never received any attention before. Some of this goes back to when I was bullied as a kid, some of it is from not having a strong male figure in my life for much of my childhood. I just craved attention from women, so I settled a lot.
It took one particularly rough experience for me to learn my lesson and become a bit more selective, but I'm still not completely succeeding wildly when it comes to dating. My last relationship was the longest, but still ended and almost took a very dark turn before things settled down.
Yes, I was bullied as a kid. A lot. I dealt with a lot of name-calling, a lot of intimidation, and just general belittlement from those around me. My confidence was suffering and people seemed to take joy in it. It took a lot of work to get past those moments and realize that people will be shitty if you let them, but if you ignore them, they tend to disappear.
I still struggled with perception over the years though. I still craved attention from the opposite sex to compensate for not feeling good about myself. It took a lot of work to fix the issues I had with my self-esteem, and even now sometimes struggle with it if I think about it too much. It's never enough to drag me down, but it still happens.
I know what my worth is, and I refuse to chase when it comes to dating. I don't care for hard to get or having to prove myself over and over again. I'm certainly not a perfect individual (my teeth alone are a major buzzkill for most women I'd imagine), but I do try my best at the end of the day.
I don't hate the idea of dating. There are just simply so many beautiful women out there with solid personalities that at some point the person I'm meant to be with will come along. I just won't go searching every nook and cranny of the world to find that woman. Whether I already know her or not, she's out there and she'll pop in my life when the time is right, Kylie will accept her, and things will be golden.
Until then, I continue to lay low when it comes to dating. I'm not in any position to date while my ex is still my roommate (a major turnoff for some reason) and I simply can't promise the time I'd like to devote to dating someone, especially since right now I'm trying to focus on Kylie as much as I can.
I have a few things personally I need to improve, such as my level of fitness (very poor at the moment sadly), my teeth, and I need to be solid financially. As I said, I'm not perfect and I never will be. I will always have flaws, just like the women on these sites have their own flaws that must be accepted.
Now, just a few more things to touch on before I call it a day with this entry.
- I'm astounded at the number of women on these sites who have one or more kids, want you to accept those kids, but will say they won't date a guy with kids himself. I mean, I do get it to an extent, but don't ask for concessions you aren't willing to make yourself.
- There is an insane number of fake profiles out there. From fake pictures to spam accounts, it's remarkable how easy it can be to spot them anymore. I tend to fixate on people with profiles that appear to be genuinely written, not copied and pasted, and with pictures that aren't modeling pictures.
- I'm also amazed at how many people are vegetarian anymore. It's a deal-breaker for me so it can be a bummer sometimes, but just something I've noticed.
- I chuckle when I see someone repeatedly mention they don't want drama and are drama-free, so don't bring your drama around them. Experience as taught me people who repeatedly mention themselves being free of drama usually are the ones who cause drama.
- Some have incredibly strict standards and don't compromise. That's good. Know what you're looking for, stick with it, and don't make exceptions just because some decent looking guy says you're pretty. If you know what you want, go for it and don't settle for less.
Finally, I want to touch on something that has repeatedly popped up on me in my lifetime. It seems to become a topic of discussion every so often, especially when people don't completely understand how I grew up.
I'M NOT GAY.
Now, I have no issue with the gay/lesbian/transgender/whateveryouare communities. I have all the respect in the world for them and the struggles they've endured over the years, particularly from bible thumpers who like to pick and choose what parts of the bible they follow (looks directly at all the people with tattoos calling homosexuality a sin).
This seems to rear its head every so often and I admittedly have some feministic mannerisms that I've tried to correct, but they're so ingrained in my head that I can't. My ex has commented a few times that she wondered if I was or not and apparently her step dad has made numerous comments about it "having to be true," so I feel compelled to again remind the general population that I am most definitely attracted to women.
This is where I remind people that I didn't have a strong male figure in my life until I was in high school, grew up with two sisters and my mom, and for much of my life always worked with primarily women. I'm not super masculine in some ways, so I can see how this might cause some to wonder, but there isn't anything to wonder about.
I'm straight, have no interest in men in any kind of sexual manner, yet know this will likely always be a minor issue to deal with.
I just wanted to put that out there in case anyone else was wondering about it (or being rude about it).
It's sad it even has to be addressed, but some people like to make assumptions just because they can.
Anyway, if you have any comments or questions, you know what to do, particularly if it's to add to the discussion on dating any why it's so difficult for so many.
Friday, December 18, 2015
My Christmas Wishlist 2015 edition
In years past, I've written a "Christmas Wishlist" that was a combination of ridiculous ideas and actual things I want. That tradition resumes this year with some new ideas and some rehashed ones because my level of creativity just isn't good enough to come up with all-new ideas. Anyway, don't take it too seriously and just enjoy!
Dear Santa,
I took a couple of years off of writing you a list, and for that, I apologize. Life came at me pretty fast after my 2011 list and I just wasn't focused on sending these out, especially since there's always been a child living with me since. I figured I'd take a step back and let the kids' dreams come true.
Sadly, I can't say that you've stepped up your level of service since I last wrote you. I mean, I've come to expect shoddy service from you and your elves (granted, you are serving a LARGE portion of the population), but I feel you didn't appreciate the effort I did occasionally put into writing those letters.
Not only did you not throw me a bone the last 3 years that I skipped writing you, but you likely continued crushing the dreams of others who just wanted you to deliver them the things they wanted most. I mean, I give you a 3 year break and not once do I get a fighter jet, tank, or pony? No XBox One?
Worst of all, no world peace and domination?
I've often taken issue with your lackluster production levels and generally unhelpful elves, yet despite previous public shaming, I have yet to see any significant changes to your operation and how you handle complaints. If anything, I wonder if the problem has become worse with time. I mean, I haven't brought this to the attention of the public in a few years, so maybe you think it's blown over and not a issue.
You're wrong there Santa. Not only is it still an issue, but I'm about to take it to a new level if the list requirements aren't met. We're in the information sharing age and all I have to do is broadcast my complaints on social media and YouTube for people to find out. Think you're safe? Think again.
Simply put, I've seen enough examples of how poorly you've done to be convinced that change is needed. Switching out your sled for a Mercedes? Are we for real Santa?
Or how about the documentary "Elf," where we saw just how far your elves will go to "handle" a situation?
And don't get me on the series of "Santa Claus" movies where you faked your death to convince Tim Allen to take over for a while.
The gig is up Santa, so just pony up the goods and all of this controversy will go away.
Now then, presenting in no particular order, my list for Christmas 2015:
A catapult: Because nothing says fun like being able to load something on to a catapult and fling it in some random direction. Think of the fun that I can have with one of these? Someone's bike is in the middle of the sidewalk? Load the catapult and see how far it flies!
A Yacht: I've asked for large things before, but I don't think I've ever asked for a yacht, preferably one that I could just live in.
A house: A little more practical, but not nearly as adventurous. Wait, I have a kid, so throw in some stuff for her to play on and keep her busy. A dog run would be nice too. Oh, and a full-size basketball court. Oh, oh oh! A gaming room so I can record/stream/play games in complete peace!
A new PC: But not just any PC, we're talking overpowered gaming PC capable of running any and every game at UHD while streaming and/or recording. Would include all accessories I need to upgrade my gaming, streaming, and recording experience. Optional streaming PC would be nice as well.
A Man Cave: This would be for said house. Would come complete with couch, chair, minimun 60" UHD TV, XBox One (and games), PS4 (and games), and Wii U (and more games). Oh, and blu-ray player with surround sound sytem, because we're all about big here.
Jeep Cherokee: I want. Or a Wrangler. Or just my Liberty paid off would be helpful.
Spinnyos: For Kylie (because she matters too) because I think she'd have a blast with that thing.
The Clapper: No real good reason really.
World Peace & Domination: This will be on the list every year until it's granted.
A Mech Suit: Have you seen these in video games? They shoot rockets, bullets, and can take a shit ton of damage. I could use this during the holiday sales.
A bike: I've been wanting a bike again for a couple of years for fitness purposes and just frankly miss riding it.
The Entire MST3K Collection: The revival of the show has rekindled my interest in the show, which is still one of the best to ever grace a TV.
Galaxy Note 5 or S6 Edge: I've grown quite fond of the Galaxy lineup. I'd prefer the Note (or Note Edge 2 when it comes out), but beggars can't be choosers.
Shark tank: Filled with sharks of course. Nothing will keep your guests in line like the knowledge that if they mess up your carpet, they could be the next meal.
Winning Powerball/Mega Millions ticket: I mean, I could do wonderful things with all that money. Some of it would be a bit excessive, but I could do so much and help so many people out. Think about it.
A tank: An oldie, but goody. I mean, terrifying for everyone else.
A pony: I may have to fend of Kylie for this one, but I still want one dammit.
An RV: Just think of the dysfunctional adventures I could go on if I had my own RV?
Season tickets to Indians/Cavs/Browns: Sure the Browns have been putrid, but I still love them. The Indians have been so-so, but there's no experience like the ballpark in the summer. The Cavs are just awesome to watch and basketball is my favorite sport.
Tickets to an OSU Buckeyes football game: I just want to experience this one time and I'll be satisfied.
A Pitbull Farm: Raised properly, these are the best dogs ever. I of course would love to have a farm of them. Pitbulls everywhere!
New teeth: Mine are simply bad and the one thing physically I'm ashamed of. Kinda.
Fire pit: Again for previously mentioned house. I just like the idea of sitting outside in the summer with a nice fire going.
Trampoline: More fun for me or for Kylie?
A bounce house: More for kids than me, but I'd still play.
A Tropical Island: I asked for this back in 2011. You have yet to deliver. Consider yourself put on notice.
Lifetime supply of Chipotle: E. Coli or not, that shit is like crack. I don't know if I can turn away from it anymore.
Improved Health for my mom: Hasn't she suffered enough? She did so much for us, yet her reward is increasingly failing health.
My own Batcave: Because seriously, how cool would that be?
I'm sure there are more things I could ask for, and if I think of them, I'll amend this and add them in, but for now, this should do.
Don't let me down or else I'll have to take action against you and your deliquent elves.
Yours in warnings,
David.
In all seriousness, I hope everyone has a great holiday season. If you celebrate it, Merry Christmas! If you don't, well, happy whatever-it-is-you-celebrate because it matters. It really does.
I think we tend to lose sight of what matters this time of year, but I'm keenly aware of it as I've been reminded frequently at home and at work of what's really important. Sure, it's nice to receive gifts, but it's far more important to have people you can count on to be there when you need them.
So have fun, be safe, and hope things roll your way.
Now I'm gonna go buy $20 in lottery tickets so I can fulfill several dreams, not all my own.
PS - Feel free to comment with what you want for Christmas!
Dear Santa,
I took a couple of years off of writing you a list, and for that, I apologize. Life came at me pretty fast after my 2011 list and I just wasn't focused on sending these out, especially since there's always been a child living with me since. I figured I'd take a step back and let the kids' dreams come true.
Sadly, I can't say that you've stepped up your level of service since I last wrote you. I mean, I've come to expect shoddy service from you and your elves (granted, you are serving a LARGE portion of the population), but I feel you didn't appreciate the effort I did occasionally put into writing those letters.
Not only did you not throw me a bone the last 3 years that I skipped writing you, but you likely continued crushing the dreams of others who just wanted you to deliver them the things they wanted most. I mean, I give you a 3 year break and not once do I get a fighter jet, tank, or pony? No XBox One?
Worst of all, no world peace and domination?
I've often taken issue with your lackluster production levels and generally unhelpful elves, yet despite previous public shaming, I have yet to see any significant changes to your operation and how you handle complaints. If anything, I wonder if the problem has become worse with time. I mean, I haven't brought this to the attention of the public in a few years, so maybe you think it's blown over and not a issue.
You're wrong there Santa. Not only is it still an issue, but I'm about to take it to a new level if the list requirements aren't met. We're in the information sharing age and all I have to do is broadcast my complaints on social media and YouTube for people to find out. Think you're safe? Think again.
Simply put, I've seen enough examples of how poorly you've done to be convinced that change is needed. Switching out your sled for a Mercedes? Are we for real Santa?
Or how about the documentary "Elf," where we saw just how far your elves will go to "handle" a situation?
And don't get me on the series of "Santa Claus" movies where you faked your death to convince Tim Allen to take over for a while.
The gig is up Santa, so just pony up the goods and all of this controversy will go away.
Now then, presenting in no particular order, my list for Christmas 2015:
A catapult: Because nothing says fun like being able to load something on to a catapult and fling it in some random direction. Think of the fun that I can have with one of these? Someone's bike is in the middle of the sidewalk? Load the catapult and see how far it flies!
A Yacht: I've asked for large things before, but I don't think I've ever asked for a yacht, preferably one that I could just live in.
A house: A little more practical, but not nearly as adventurous. Wait, I have a kid, so throw in some stuff for her to play on and keep her busy. A dog run would be nice too. Oh, and a full-size basketball court. Oh, oh oh! A gaming room so I can record/stream/play games in complete peace!
A new PC: But not just any PC, we're talking overpowered gaming PC capable of running any and every game at UHD while streaming and/or recording. Would include all accessories I need to upgrade my gaming, streaming, and recording experience. Optional streaming PC would be nice as well.
A Man Cave: This would be for said house. Would come complete with couch, chair, minimun 60" UHD TV, XBox One (and games), PS4 (and games), and Wii U (and more games). Oh, and blu-ray player with surround sound sytem, because we're all about big here.
Jeep Cherokee: I want. Or a Wrangler. Or just my Liberty paid off would be helpful.
Spinnyos: For Kylie (because she matters too) because I think she'd have a blast with that thing.
The Clapper: No real good reason really.
World Peace & Domination: This will be on the list every year until it's granted.
A Mech Suit: Have you seen these in video games? They shoot rockets, bullets, and can take a shit ton of damage. I could use this during the holiday sales.
A bike: I've been wanting a bike again for a couple of years for fitness purposes and just frankly miss riding it.
The Entire MST3K Collection: The revival of the show has rekindled my interest in the show, which is still one of the best to ever grace a TV.
Galaxy Note 5 or S6 Edge: I've grown quite fond of the Galaxy lineup. I'd prefer the Note (or Note Edge 2 when it comes out), but beggars can't be choosers.
Shark tank: Filled with sharks of course. Nothing will keep your guests in line like the knowledge that if they mess up your carpet, they could be the next meal.
Winning Powerball/Mega Millions ticket: I mean, I could do wonderful things with all that money. Some of it would be a bit excessive, but I could do so much and help so many people out. Think about it.
A tank: An oldie, but goody. I mean, terrifying for everyone else.
A pony: I may have to fend of Kylie for this one, but I still want one dammit.
An RV: Just think of the dysfunctional adventures I could go on if I had my own RV?
Season tickets to Indians/Cavs/Browns: Sure the Browns have been putrid, but I still love them. The Indians have been so-so, but there's no experience like the ballpark in the summer. The Cavs are just awesome to watch and basketball is my favorite sport.
Tickets to an OSU Buckeyes football game: I just want to experience this one time and I'll be satisfied.
A Pitbull Farm: Raised properly, these are the best dogs ever. I of course would love to have a farm of them. Pitbulls everywhere!
New teeth: Mine are simply bad and the one thing physically I'm ashamed of. Kinda.
Fire pit: Again for previously mentioned house. I just like the idea of sitting outside in the summer with a nice fire going.
Trampoline: More fun for me or for Kylie?
A bounce house: More for kids than me, but I'd still play.
A Tropical Island: I asked for this back in 2011. You have yet to deliver. Consider yourself put on notice.
Lifetime supply of Chipotle: E. Coli or not, that shit is like crack. I don't know if I can turn away from it anymore.
Improved Health for my mom: Hasn't she suffered enough? She did so much for us, yet her reward is increasingly failing health.
My own Batcave: Because seriously, how cool would that be?
I'm sure there are more things I could ask for, and if I think of them, I'll amend this and add them in, but for now, this should do.
Don't let me down or else I'll have to take action against you and your deliquent elves.
Yours in warnings,
David.
In all seriousness, I hope everyone has a great holiday season. If you celebrate it, Merry Christmas! If you don't, well, happy whatever-it-is-you-celebrate because it matters. It really does.
I think we tend to lose sight of what matters this time of year, but I'm keenly aware of it as I've been reminded frequently at home and at work of what's really important. Sure, it's nice to receive gifts, but it's far more important to have people you can count on to be there when you need them.
So have fun, be safe, and hope things roll your way.
Now I'm gonna go buy $20 in lottery tickets so I can fulfill several dreams, not all my own.
PS - Feel free to comment with what you want for Christmas!
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Friday, December 11, 2015
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Why I'm a horrible friend
Let me start by saying that this isn't a cry for help, or me trying to say I'm depressed in any way shape or form.
I'm not.
This is simply an explanation of some very long-standing habits that I've had since I can remember to try and help all of you understand a little better what goes on inside my head when it comes to communicating with most of you, even if you're a friend going back 10 years or more.
I've sat and thought about how to word this for almost a week since I announced on social media (personal FB page, gaming FB page, Twitter) that I was going to be writing about how I'm a bad friend and why I don't talk to people nearly as much as I should. I still haven't found the exact words I want, but I figured I needed to at least get started so I didn't lose the ones I have now.
I've always been fairly introverted around people I don't know. I'm not the type of person who will approach someone and strike up a conversation and if I'm in a group of people I don't know, I have very little to say. This has always had a fairly reasonable impact in dating as even if I felt fairly certain a girl was interested in me, I still had significant trouble mustering up the courage to speak to them.
I've improved at my social skills as the years have gone by, but I still struggle with it to this day and it greatly impacts the relationships that I've developed with people, and in some cases, sadly have lost because of my poor communication skills.
I'm just simply not the type of person who reaches out to people very often. I often think about it and intend to, or think that certain times would be good, but often forget about it shortly after deciding it would be a good idea.
It's a weak excuse, but the number of times I've decided that I was going to contact someone, only to lose track of time until it's well after midnight is pretty bad. I simply forget about it and get caught up in other things, sometimes important, sometimes not, and don't recall my original intent until it's too late (or I perceive it to be too late; I'm weird about that too).
In other words, I overthink the process of contacting people.
If it's during the day, I often fear that I'll be interrupting something more important and decide against it. If it's at night, even if I know there isn't a chance they're asleep, I fear waking them.
It isn't limited to any particular person either. Close friends, distant friends, and family are all likely to get treated this way. It isn't necessarily because I'm trying to avoid them, but rather it comes down a basic inferiority complex I've always had.
I can't pinpoint when I developed it either, I just know I've always felt like I wasn't good enough for others. It used to bother me a lot when I was younger (I was probably starving for positive attention from others outside of my immediate family and just not getting it), but as time has gone on, it's become a smaller issue for me.
It's still there though, and it doesn't always take a lot for it to rear its ugly head, particularly if I feel someone is belittling the way I do something. At those points I have to fight through it a bit more and realize there probably wasn't anything malicious about it.
In essence, I've always felt relatively unimportant to those around me. It's impact these days is FAR less significant than it used to be, but it still pops up from time to time.
Again, not trying to make it sound like it's crippling for me. Typically if I feel it, it only lasts for a brief moment before it passes and regain my mojo.
Yes I said mojo. Deal with it.
When I was younger? It definitely affected me more and would cause me to become withdrawn from virtually everyone around me. I wouldn't speak to many and if I did, it was short and to the point. If I had to choose between going somewhere with others or staying home, I'd stay home.
These days, that's not an issue. Sure, I have moments where I don't feel like doing things, but I don't feel the need to completely withdraw from everyone around me.
Unfortunately, one way the inferiority still holds on is picking up a phone and even texting someone, much less calling them. I just struggle with it, even if I know it's been a while since I've talked to said person. I have this unexplainable fear when it comes to calling others, even if I KNOW I need to.
But I never want to get in the way of what people are doing, which is pretty insane since I'm fairly certain most of my friends/family would not complain if I called on occasion to say hi and see how things were going.
Now, I do have legitimate reasons for not taking a lot of time to call people. I do work, and after work I'm pretty busy with Kylie until she goes to bed right now, but I won't have that excuse in a few months when I've moved out and I don't have her around every day anymore.
Even so, I know certain people (Lennie and Sarah come to mind), are usually still up when I have Kylie down, so the child kept me busy isn't a great excuse. I could conceivably call them after she goes to bed, but then that's where the "I don't want to bug them if they're busy" issue comes back around.
I could go into further detail on this, but I feel I've summed it up fairly nicely to this point. I don't think the inferiority issue should be an acceptable excuse, and it shouldn't make anyone say "oh that's okay" if I suddenly talk to them after several weeks or months, but I do want people to understand why it happens and what goes on in my brain when it's happening.
I also want to reiterate one last time, I'm not depressed or think I'm worthless. My confidence, despite the issue I have with my teeth, is fairly high and I know I'm a worthwhile person. I just always feel there are more important things people could be doing than talking to me.
If you have any questions about this, feel free to reach out to me on any of my social media links, which are in this post and in the blog overall.
Thanks for reading this.
I'm not.
This is simply an explanation of some very long-standing habits that I've had since I can remember to try and help all of you understand a little better what goes on inside my head when it comes to communicating with most of you, even if you're a friend going back 10 years or more.
I've sat and thought about how to word this for almost a week since I announced on social media (personal FB page, gaming FB page, Twitter) that I was going to be writing about how I'm a bad friend and why I don't talk to people nearly as much as I should. I still haven't found the exact words I want, but I figured I needed to at least get started so I didn't lose the ones I have now.
I've always been fairly introverted around people I don't know. I'm not the type of person who will approach someone and strike up a conversation and if I'm in a group of people I don't know, I have very little to say. This has always had a fairly reasonable impact in dating as even if I felt fairly certain a girl was interested in me, I still had significant trouble mustering up the courage to speak to them.
I've improved at my social skills as the years have gone by, but I still struggle with it to this day and it greatly impacts the relationships that I've developed with people, and in some cases, sadly have lost because of my poor communication skills.
I'm just simply not the type of person who reaches out to people very often. I often think about it and intend to, or think that certain times would be good, but often forget about it shortly after deciding it would be a good idea.
It's a weak excuse, but the number of times I've decided that I was going to contact someone, only to lose track of time until it's well after midnight is pretty bad. I simply forget about it and get caught up in other things, sometimes important, sometimes not, and don't recall my original intent until it's too late (or I perceive it to be too late; I'm weird about that too).
In other words, I overthink the process of contacting people.
If it's during the day, I often fear that I'll be interrupting something more important and decide against it. If it's at night, even if I know there isn't a chance they're asleep, I fear waking them.
It isn't limited to any particular person either. Close friends, distant friends, and family are all likely to get treated this way. It isn't necessarily because I'm trying to avoid them, but rather it comes down a basic inferiority complex I've always had.
I can't pinpoint when I developed it either, I just know I've always felt like I wasn't good enough for others. It used to bother me a lot when I was younger (I was probably starving for positive attention from others outside of my immediate family and just not getting it), but as time has gone on, it's become a smaller issue for me.
It's still there though, and it doesn't always take a lot for it to rear its ugly head, particularly if I feel someone is belittling the way I do something. At those points I have to fight through it a bit more and realize there probably wasn't anything malicious about it.
In essence, I've always felt relatively unimportant to those around me. It's impact these days is FAR less significant than it used to be, but it still pops up from time to time.
Again, not trying to make it sound like it's crippling for me. Typically if I feel it, it only lasts for a brief moment before it passes and regain my mojo.
Yes I said mojo. Deal with it.
When I was younger? It definitely affected me more and would cause me to become withdrawn from virtually everyone around me. I wouldn't speak to many and if I did, it was short and to the point. If I had to choose between going somewhere with others or staying home, I'd stay home.
These days, that's not an issue. Sure, I have moments where I don't feel like doing things, but I don't feel the need to completely withdraw from everyone around me.
Unfortunately, one way the inferiority still holds on is picking up a phone and even texting someone, much less calling them. I just struggle with it, even if I know it's been a while since I've talked to said person. I have this unexplainable fear when it comes to calling others, even if I KNOW I need to.
But I never want to get in the way of what people are doing, which is pretty insane since I'm fairly certain most of my friends/family would not complain if I called on occasion to say hi and see how things were going.
Now, I do have legitimate reasons for not taking a lot of time to call people. I do work, and after work I'm pretty busy with Kylie until she goes to bed right now, but I won't have that excuse in a few months when I've moved out and I don't have her around every day anymore.
Even so, I know certain people (Lennie and Sarah come to mind), are usually still up when I have Kylie down, so the child kept me busy isn't a great excuse. I could conceivably call them after she goes to bed, but then that's where the "I don't want to bug them if they're busy" issue comes back around.
I could go into further detail on this, but I feel I've summed it up fairly nicely to this point. I don't think the inferiority issue should be an acceptable excuse, and it shouldn't make anyone say "oh that's okay" if I suddenly talk to them after several weeks or months, but I do want people to understand why it happens and what goes on in my brain when it's happening.
I also want to reiterate one last time, I'm not depressed or think I'm worthless. My confidence, despite the issue I have with my teeth, is fairly high and I know I'm a worthwhile person. I just always feel there are more important things people could be doing than talking to me.
If you have any questions about this, feel free to reach out to me on any of my social media links, which are in this post and in the blog overall.
Thanks for reading this.
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
On the Browns and finally losing patience
I'm not one to portray doom and gloom with the sports franchises that I root for. I simply do not take them so seriously that my life is ruined because of sports.
They're still not, but boy are the Cleveland Browns doing their best to try and drive the loyal fans away.
This past game against the Arizona Cardinals was perhaps the most frustrating game to watch, and that's saying a lot given the games that us fans have suffered through since the team's rebirth in 1999.
Yet it was a symbol of what we've come to expect from the Browns. Play competitively for a while, then fall into an abyss as the opponent makes adjustments and the Browns fail to counter.
You could feel it coming really with about 5 minutes left to go in the first half. The Browns had just taken a 20-7 lead on Josh McCown's third touchdown pass of the first half (missed the extra point) and the stadium was buzzing. The Browns were relatively competent on offense and the defense had done a nice job of forcing some turnovers.
Yet you could feel the change was going to come. The Browns defense has been notorious for giving up points before the half, squashing all momentum that they had built up.
Sure enough, Carson Palmer had the Cardinals in position to at least get a field goal, if not a touchdown, and a completion to Larry Fitzgerald seemed to confirm my own belief that the score was coming. Then K'Waun Williams forced Fitzgerald to fumble, thus seemingly preventing that end of the half score.
With over a minute in the half, the Browns could conceivably try to get down the field and possibly put some points up before the half, but of course, the coaching staff went conservative and the Browns were forced to punt with 36 seconds left in the half.
A false start pushed the Cardinals back, but then Palmer hit Michael Floyd for 28 yards to the Browns' 27, thus putting the Cardinals in field goal range. Palmer then hit Fitzgerald for 19 yards, and after spiking the ball the Cardinals had 2nd and goal from the 8. There were offsetting penalties on the following play, which allowed the Cardinals to kick that field goal at the end of the half to make it 20-10.
Now, with the Browns having the ball at the start of the second half, you wouldn't be too bothered by all this, except the Browns have been putrid to start the second half at times. This game was no different as the Browns lost 2 yards in 3 plays before punting. Joe Haden was beaten again by Floyd for a long touchdown, thus finishing the shift in momentum. Cardinals were down 20-17, but you knew that wouldn't last and the train wreck continued.
The Browns punted on their next 3 possessions and allowed the Cardinals to take the lead at 24-20. The Browns forced two turnovers, but didn't get anything out of those turnovers, punting after intercepting Palmer, then McCown threw an interception in Cardinal territory after the Browns defense had forced a fumble.
Of course the Cardinals responded by adding another touchdown, and finished the scoring with a field goal to win 34-20.
Remember, the Browns led 20-7 at one point. They gave up 27 unanswered points from the end of the first half going through the 4th quarter. McCown could barely stand, yet Mike Pettine refused to remove him from the game. The offensive line, which had done an admirable job in the first half, couldn't block anyone in the second.
The run defense, which had also done an admirable job in the first half, parted wide open in the second half.
Haden and Tramon Williams couldn't cover anyone. Donte Whitner hit a player so hard he knocked himself out the game.
It was an utter catastrophe in the second half from every angle. There is not one positive you can gleam from that second half.
Nothing.
Listen, this team is now making me angry. Us as fans devote 3+ hours to watch this and no, I don't know why we do this to ourselves. Especially those of you who go down to that stadium every Sunday, paying exorbitant prices on tickets, parking, and concessions, just so you have the privilege of saying you were there when Brian Hartline dropped 4 passes, or watched Dwayne Bowe stand there on the sideline.
Why are you paying Bowe a ton of money if you aren't going to play him? Why has he been inactive so much this year even though he's healthy? Why did anyone think picking up Robert Turbin was a good idea? Why can't this "premiere" offensive line block anyone or open up any running lanes?
Why can't they stop the run? Why can't two of the best cover corners cover anyone? Why can't these guys stop getting concussed? Why is McCown out there when he can barely stand up?
I could go on, and I will because Ray Farmer, the genius himself, took to the podium today to talk about the team. You know, the guy who was trying to trade Joe Thomas anyway he could for some god-forsaken reason. You know, the guy who didn't believe in going out and getting a play-making receiver, who instead threw money at Bowe to stand on the sidelines.
Farmer contended that the team was close, that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He claimed he wasn't on the hot seat (but very visibly needed to wipe his ENTIRE HEAD OFF WITH A TOWEL), that the hot seat was just something outsiders say.
Farmer is now an internet meme and that's not a good thing.
Look, we could spend hours dissecting what's wrong with this team. Jimmy Haslam is the second coming of Jerry Jones, but without the football knowledge. Pettine, well, he's in a rough spot. He knows his job is on the line and needs to win now, but this team really needs to be developing the younger players, which costs you wins (not that the vets are doing a bang-up job).
The defense, which was supposed to be the strength, gets gashed on a regular basis both on the ground and through the air.
Are the players trying? I believe so, but I feel most aren't being used properly or being put in the best position to succeed. Best example? Paul Kruger, brought into to rush the passer, is being dropped into coverage a lot more than he should be.
One final thing before I switch into a more positive tone, this team needs to stop being jerks to the few good players it has. Tashaun Gipson is one of the best young safeties in the league, yet the team will likely refuse to pay him, much like Buster Skrine (who admittedly wasn't great, but was still serviceable) and TJ Ward (who they replaced with past his prime Donte Whitner).
There's so much more I could get into, but I'm not going to do this to myself. Yes, I want the Browns to become a great franchise, but I doubt they'll do it with the current regime in place. I HATE saying that because I hate constantly changing the faces, but this is possibly the worst I've seen outside of the Pat Shurmer debacle.
Hopefully they figure it out, but expect more painful moments before they do.
Some final thoughts:
Cavalier Caveats
I love the Cavs.
One, they're not the Browns. Dan Gilbert has made it clear he wants to win, he wants to win now, and he'll do what he can to make it happen. Of course, it helps having LeBron James, Kevin Love, and eventually Kyrie Irving, but Gilbert has shown he will give the greenlight on just about any roster decision that helps the team win.
Last nights game was a dud early on though. The 76ers came out with energy and took it to the Cavs early on, but the Cavs started to get back into the game late in the first half, closing what had been a 15 point lead down to 5 at 54-49. They continued the assault in the second half, taking the lead at 56-54 just minutes into the half.
They never looked back. Mo Williams was hitting jumpers, Love was posting up on the block, James was catching alley-oops from Matthew Dellavedova, and the defense tightened up considerably. They stretched the lead to 21 at one point before David Blatt turned it over to the bench, who allowed the lead to dwindle, but not completely disappear.
James passed 25,000 points for his career last night and did so as the youngest ever. The only downside was JR Smith having to leave with a knee injury. He'll be out at least two games, but at least it wasn't serious.
I just want to point out that Love appears to be 150% more comfortable with the team this year than last. He has a bounce in his step (he's health), but he's more assertive. He's calling for the ball and the Cavs are getting it to him where he can be successful. He's no longer just drifting outside the three point line, waiting to shoot a jumper. He's active, he's vocal, and he's being aggressive.
Finally, it's really great to see Mo back with the Cavs. He was a favorite of mine his first time with the team and has done exactly what they need him to do until Irving comes back.
Oh wow, that's right, they're playing pretty well without Irving and Iman Shumpert.
This is going to be fun.
Unlike that Browns team.
They're still not, but boy are the Cleveland Browns doing their best to try and drive the loyal fans away.
This past game against the Arizona Cardinals was perhaps the most frustrating game to watch, and that's saying a lot given the games that us fans have suffered through since the team's rebirth in 1999.
Yet it was a symbol of what we've come to expect from the Browns. Play competitively for a while, then fall into an abyss as the opponent makes adjustments and the Browns fail to counter.
You could feel it coming really with about 5 minutes left to go in the first half. The Browns had just taken a 20-7 lead on Josh McCown's third touchdown pass of the first half (missed the extra point) and the stadium was buzzing. The Browns were relatively competent on offense and the defense had done a nice job of forcing some turnovers.
Yet you could feel the change was going to come. The Browns defense has been notorious for giving up points before the half, squashing all momentum that they had built up.
Sure enough, Carson Palmer had the Cardinals in position to at least get a field goal, if not a touchdown, and a completion to Larry Fitzgerald seemed to confirm my own belief that the score was coming. Then K'Waun Williams forced Fitzgerald to fumble, thus seemingly preventing that end of the half score.
With over a minute in the half, the Browns could conceivably try to get down the field and possibly put some points up before the half, but of course, the coaching staff went conservative and the Browns were forced to punt with 36 seconds left in the half.
A false start pushed the Cardinals back, but then Palmer hit Michael Floyd for 28 yards to the Browns' 27, thus putting the Cardinals in field goal range. Palmer then hit Fitzgerald for 19 yards, and after spiking the ball the Cardinals had 2nd and goal from the 8. There were offsetting penalties on the following play, which allowed the Cardinals to kick that field goal at the end of the half to make it 20-10.
Now, with the Browns having the ball at the start of the second half, you wouldn't be too bothered by all this, except the Browns have been putrid to start the second half at times. This game was no different as the Browns lost 2 yards in 3 plays before punting. Joe Haden was beaten again by Floyd for a long touchdown, thus finishing the shift in momentum. Cardinals were down 20-17, but you knew that wouldn't last and the train wreck continued.
The Browns punted on their next 3 possessions and allowed the Cardinals to take the lead at 24-20. The Browns forced two turnovers, but didn't get anything out of those turnovers, punting after intercepting Palmer, then McCown threw an interception in Cardinal territory after the Browns defense had forced a fumble.
Of course the Cardinals responded by adding another touchdown, and finished the scoring with a field goal to win 34-20.
Remember, the Browns led 20-7 at one point. They gave up 27 unanswered points from the end of the first half going through the 4th quarter. McCown could barely stand, yet Mike Pettine refused to remove him from the game. The offensive line, which had done an admirable job in the first half, couldn't block anyone in the second.
The run defense, which had also done an admirable job in the first half, parted wide open in the second half.
Haden and Tramon Williams couldn't cover anyone. Donte Whitner hit a player so hard he knocked himself out the game.
It was an utter catastrophe in the second half from every angle. There is not one positive you can gleam from that second half.
Nothing.
Listen, this team is now making me angry. Us as fans devote 3+ hours to watch this and no, I don't know why we do this to ourselves. Especially those of you who go down to that stadium every Sunday, paying exorbitant prices on tickets, parking, and concessions, just so you have the privilege of saying you were there when Brian Hartline dropped 4 passes, or watched Dwayne Bowe stand there on the sideline.
Why are you paying Bowe a ton of money if you aren't going to play him? Why has he been inactive so much this year even though he's healthy? Why did anyone think picking up Robert Turbin was a good idea? Why can't this "premiere" offensive line block anyone or open up any running lanes?
Why can't they stop the run? Why can't two of the best cover corners cover anyone? Why can't these guys stop getting concussed? Why is McCown out there when he can barely stand up?
I could go on, and I will because Ray Farmer, the genius himself, took to the podium today to talk about the team. You know, the guy who was trying to trade Joe Thomas anyway he could for some god-forsaken reason. You know, the guy who didn't believe in going out and getting a play-making receiver, who instead threw money at Bowe to stand on the sidelines.
Farmer contended that the team was close, that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He claimed he wasn't on the hot seat (but very visibly needed to wipe his ENTIRE HEAD OFF WITH A TOWEL), that the hot seat was just something outsiders say.
Farmer is now an internet meme and that's not a good thing.
Look, we could spend hours dissecting what's wrong with this team. Jimmy Haslam is the second coming of Jerry Jones, but without the football knowledge. Pettine, well, he's in a rough spot. He knows his job is on the line and needs to win now, but this team really needs to be developing the younger players, which costs you wins (not that the vets are doing a bang-up job).
The defense, which was supposed to be the strength, gets gashed on a regular basis both on the ground and through the air.
Are the players trying? I believe so, but I feel most aren't being used properly or being put in the best position to succeed. Best example? Paul Kruger, brought into to rush the passer, is being dropped into coverage a lot more than he should be.
One final thing before I switch into a more positive tone, this team needs to stop being jerks to the few good players it has. Tashaun Gipson is one of the best young safeties in the league, yet the team will likely refuse to pay him, much like Buster Skrine (who admittedly wasn't great, but was still serviceable) and TJ Ward (who they replaced with past his prime Donte Whitner).
There's so much more I could get into, but I'm not going to do this to myself. Yes, I want the Browns to become a great franchise, but I doubt they'll do it with the current regime in place. I HATE saying that because I hate constantly changing the faces, but this is possibly the worst I've seen outside of the Pat Shurmer debacle.
Hopefully they figure it out, but expect more painful moments before they do.
Some final thoughts:
- Haden has become more about talking about his game then actually playing like a ProBowl corner. He's been beaten multiple times by average receivers, then is magically hurt afterwards. Please don't be that guy Joe. We want to love you.
- Alex Mack is still not right. Before his injury last year, he was one of the best centers in the league. Now he is getting pushed all over the place and part of why the rushing attack just can't get going.
- Why are the linebackers constantly running up the backs of the linemen in front of them? Shouldn't they be shooting the gaps?
- Justin Gilbert, Johnny Manziel, Cam Erving, and Danny Shelton are your high profile draft picks. Let that soak in.
- Brandon Marshall was had for a fifth round draft pick. The Browns CUT their fourth round receiver.
- If nothing else, I'd like to see the Browns become better so we stop getting the worst announcing crews. Seriously, some of these guys clearly didn't pay attention to who they were going to be covering.
- NFL officials continue to be the worst. In last night's Colts/Panthers game, they made a few errors that helped the Colts in their comeback attempt. The worst was on an a pass play where the receiver was ruled out of bounds even though he was clearly tackled in-bounds, thus saving the Colts several valuable seconds.
Cavalier Caveats
I love the Cavs.
One, they're not the Browns. Dan Gilbert has made it clear he wants to win, he wants to win now, and he'll do what he can to make it happen. Of course, it helps having LeBron James, Kevin Love, and eventually Kyrie Irving, but Gilbert has shown he will give the greenlight on just about any roster decision that helps the team win.
Last nights game was a dud early on though. The 76ers came out with energy and took it to the Cavs early on, but the Cavs started to get back into the game late in the first half, closing what had been a 15 point lead down to 5 at 54-49. They continued the assault in the second half, taking the lead at 56-54 just minutes into the half.
They never looked back. Mo Williams was hitting jumpers, Love was posting up on the block, James was catching alley-oops from Matthew Dellavedova, and the defense tightened up considerably. They stretched the lead to 21 at one point before David Blatt turned it over to the bench, who allowed the lead to dwindle, but not completely disappear.
James passed 25,000 points for his career last night and did so as the youngest ever. The only downside was JR Smith having to leave with a knee injury. He'll be out at least two games, but at least it wasn't serious.
I just want to point out that Love appears to be 150% more comfortable with the team this year than last. He has a bounce in his step (he's health), but he's more assertive. He's calling for the ball and the Cavs are getting it to him where he can be successful. He's no longer just drifting outside the three point line, waiting to shoot a jumper. He's active, he's vocal, and he's being aggressive.
Finally, it's really great to see Mo back with the Cavs. He was a favorite of mine his first time with the team and has done exactly what they need him to do until Irving comes back.
Oh wow, that's right, they're playing pretty well without Irving and Iman Shumpert.
This is going to be fun.
Unlike that Browns team.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Life changes, people not so much
I think it goes without saying that it's been turbulent around these parts of late. Some know more than others of course, but this isn't going to be a post spilling all the beans about everything that's gone on.
Those who needed to know about anything, well they already know. If you don't, then you probably didn't need to know. Either way, exposing things in this public of a forum probably won't lead to good things, so I'm not going to do that.
What you need to know is that life for me is changing. It's evolving slowly from one thing into something that will be somewhat different in a few months. The biggest change will be the fact that at some point, I won't be seeing Kylie every day like I've become accustomed to.
This is a fairly normal thing when relationships fail, and while I never hoped for that to happen, the reality I'm facing is different from the one I perceived a few years ago.
Again, this isn't to sling mud in anyone's direction. We all make mistakes when relationships fail and there are always things each person could've done better. Sure, someone may be "more guilty" than the other, but that's nitpicking and doesn't resolve anything.
I was doing what's become my nightly walk the other night, and I started thinking more about how life seems to change on a whim, yet people for the most part are stubborn to change. Sure, you may do some things differently, but a lot of people are resistant to change and often go back to old habits when things get difficult.
The best example I can use is when someone's addicted to drugs. They struggle the most with changing their habits, changing their ways. Drugs become such a huge part of who they are that they sometimes lose sight of who they were before drugs. I've seen people lead good lives, then start up with drugs and that good life is demolished.
Drug addicts have a hard time breaking the addiction and even if they do beat it initially, they sometimes fall back into those old habits if something bad happens in their life.
People are creatures of habit though. We do the things we do because we're comfortable with it, whether it be how we do something, where we go, and how we come to the decisions we make. You can know the decision you're making is wrong, but you do it anyway because it's the more comfortable decision.
Very rarely do people willingly step out of their comfort zones, and often if they do, the experiment doesn't last long as it becomes scary to them.
Now I do realize there are people who aren't like that. They do step out of their comfort zones and experience life as fully as possible. But those people seem to be the exception rather than the rule as many aren't willing to do that.
We know what kind of food we like, we know what kind of people we prefer to hang out with, what kind of people we're willing to date, and what kind of hobbies we're going to take part in.
And when life gets rough, we run back to what we know. We all have our security blankets. For many, it's a family member (hi mom!), but for others, it's a friend they've known for a while; someone they know they can talk to and get honest, sound advice.
And life gets rough frequently. It flips you up on your head when you least expect it and then kicks you for good measure. It mocks you and reminds you that in the scheme of things, you're just one person in a world filled with living things. It constantly reminds you that the world goes on even as you struggle.
The world is constantly changing, evolving, and continuing forward.
Bear with me as I'm currently trying to remember the thoughts I had the other night. They were so fluid, so cohesive, so of course they aren't so much at this point.
The main thing I've trying to assert is that people struggle with change often because they're afraid of change. It scares them and causes them to do whatever they can to prevent the change from happening. They don't know how to deal with the change and it can cause irrational actions in some.
Yet life carries on. It doesn't care if you're struggling or not.
How does this relate to me and what's been going on? Not a whole lot. Am I scared of the change that's coming? No. I'm a little apprehensive, but at the same time, I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, even if that new chapter features less Kylie.
It isn't because I want to get away from Kylie and others, but rather I feel it's time for a little bit of change; a different routine perhaps.
The reality of her not being in my life every day has sunk in in recent weeks and has caused me to rethink some of my priorities in the short term. I feel it important to spend as much time with her as possible while I can because that will be changing at some point. I know this, and while I'm not sure I'm ready for it, I won't have a choice because life is going to decide for me regardless.
The time I have with her is precious to me and no one is going to be more important than her in the coming months. This last weekend it was just Kylie and me and it was great. We had fun, and while it's sometimes daunting realizing it's just you, it's also energizing. You know you have to deal with whatever's going on and she was dependent on me to take care of what she needed.
This weekend is more of the same. While I would love to go hang out with my friends for Sarah and my birthday, it's not entirely likely I'd be willing to even if I were able. I think about the idea of the child waking up and me not being there by my own choice rips me apart. I can't handle it. I don't want to handle it.
This isn't a slight on anyone, just a reflection of how much I value that little girl of mine.
As I went about my day, I made the decision to avoid my phone most of the time. It sat on my desk for the most part and sure, I'd occasionally check it, but it wasn't very often and when I did have a text, tweet, or notification of some sort, I'd check it and respond if needed, but it was low priority stuff for me.
At the end of the day, I felt satisfied. I felt happy. This felt like how the future would be to me.
So I decided at that point that when I'm alone with my child, I'm not going to be checking my phone or spending a lot of time on it. If I have a moment, I will respond to a text or phone call if it's there, but the chances of me reaching out to you on my own will be slim.
If you can't handle or accept that, then you have no business being in my life.
Now I'm sure once I'm officially moved and seeing Kylie when I'm supposed to I'll reconsider certain things (for example, availability when she's not with me), but if it's my time with her, then everyone will need to respect that.
This means a lot of things will be on hold. I'm not going to get into specifics, but the chances of something being more important than my child (aside from work, sleep, etc) are very, VERY slim.
While life has been up and down, I feel that the decision to focus on my child is the right one and a change that I need to make to match up with the changes going on in my life overall.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
Those who needed to know about anything, well they already know. If you don't, then you probably didn't need to know. Either way, exposing things in this public of a forum probably won't lead to good things, so I'm not going to do that.
What you need to know is that life for me is changing. It's evolving slowly from one thing into something that will be somewhat different in a few months. The biggest change will be the fact that at some point, I won't be seeing Kylie every day like I've become accustomed to.
This is a fairly normal thing when relationships fail, and while I never hoped for that to happen, the reality I'm facing is different from the one I perceived a few years ago.
Again, this isn't to sling mud in anyone's direction. We all make mistakes when relationships fail and there are always things each person could've done better. Sure, someone may be "more guilty" than the other, but that's nitpicking and doesn't resolve anything.
I was doing what's become my nightly walk the other night, and I started thinking more about how life seems to change on a whim, yet people for the most part are stubborn to change. Sure, you may do some things differently, but a lot of people are resistant to change and often go back to old habits when things get difficult.
The best example I can use is when someone's addicted to drugs. They struggle the most with changing their habits, changing their ways. Drugs become such a huge part of who they are that they sometimes lose sight of who they were before drugs. I've seen people lead good lives, then start up with drugs and that good life is demolished.
Drug addicts have a hard time breaking the addiction and even if they do beat it initially, they sometimes fall back into those old habits if something bad happens in their life.
People are creatures of habit though. We do the things we do because we're comfortable with it, whether it be how we do something, where we go, and how we come to the decisions we make. You can know the decision you're making is wrong, but you do it anyway because it's the more comfortable decision.
Very rarely do people willingly step out of their comfort zones, and often if they do, the experiment doesn't last long as it becomes scary to them.
Now I do realize there are people who aren't like that. They do step out of their comfort zones and experience life as fully as possible. But those people seem to be the exception rather than the rule as many aren't willing to do that.
We know what kind of food we like, we know what kind of people we prefer to hang out with, what kind of people we're willing to date, and what kind of hobbies we're going to take part in.
And when life gets rough, we run back to what we know. We all have our security blankets. For many, it's a family member (hi mom!), but for others, it's a friend they've known for a while; someone they know they can talk to and get honest, sound advice.
And life gets rough frequently. It flips you up on your head when you least expect it and then kicks you for good measure. It mocks you and reminds you that in the scheme of things, you're just one person in a world filled with living things. It constantly reminds you that the world goes on even as you struggle.
The world is constantly changing, evolving, and continuing forward.
Bear with me as I'm currently trying to remember the thoughts I had the other night. They were so fluid, so cohesive, so of course they aren't so much at this point.
The main thing I've trying to assert is that people struggle with change often because they're afraid of change. It scares them and causes them to do whatever they can to prevent the change from happening. They don't know how to deal with the change and it can cause irrational actions in some.
Yet life carries on. It doesn't care if you're struggling or not.
How does this relate to me and what's been going on? Not a whole lot. Am I scared of the change that's coming? No. I'm a little apprehensive, but at the same time, I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, even if that new chapter features less Kylie.
It isn't because I want to get away from Kylie and others, but rather I feel it's time for a little bit of change; a different routine perhaps.
The reality of her not being in my life every day has sunk in in recent weeks and has caused me to rethink some of my priorities in the short term. I feel it important to spend as much time with her as possible while I can because that will be changing at some point. I know this, and while I'm not sure I'm ready for it, I won't have a choice because life is going to decide for me regardless.
The time I have with her is precious to me and no one is going to be more important than her in the coming months. This last weekend it was just Kylie and me and it was great. We had fun, and while it's sometimes daunting realizing it's just you, it's also energizing. You know you have to deal with whatever's going on and she was dependent on me to take care of what she needed.
This weekend is more of the same. While I would love to go hang out with my friends for Sarah and my birthday, it's not entirely likely I'd be willing to even if I were able. I think about the idea of the child waking up and me not being there by my own choice rips me apart. I can't handle it. I don't want to handle it.
This isn't a slight on anyone, just a reflection of how much I value that little girl of mine.
As I went about my day, I made the decision to avoid my phone most of the time. It sat on my desk for the most part and sure, I'd occasionally check it, but it wasn't very often and when I did have a text, tweet, or notification of some sort, I'd check it and respond if needed, but it was low priority stuff for me.
At the end of the day, I felt satisfied. I felt happy. This felt like how the future would be to me.
So I decided at that point that when I'm alone with my child, I'm not going to be checking my phone or spending a lot of time on it. If I have a moment, I will respond to a text or phone call if it's there, but the chances of me reaching out to you on my own will be slim.
If you can't handle or accept that, then you have no business being in my life.
Now I'm sure once I'm officially moved and seeing Kylie when I'm supposed to I'll reconsider certain things (for example, availability when she's not with me), but if it's my time with her, then everyone will need to respect that.
This means a lot of things will be on hold. I'm not going to get into specifics, but the chances of something being more important than my child (aside from work, sleep, etc) are very, VERY slim.
While life has been up and down, I feel that the decision to focus on my child is the right one and a change that I need to make to match up with the changes going on in my life overall.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
YouTubing isn't easy
A little over 3 years ago, I decided that I wanted to record myself playing Minecraft and other games. I had seen others do it, thought it would be a fun little hobby, and felt I could do the same. I didn't know what FPS was, how to edit anything, or really anything about the process.
I had very little knowledge of what I would need to do to get started with recording game footage. From afar, I initially had the impression that you had either a card or software on your computer that recorded what you did and you just could drop it on YouTube without even breaking a sweat.
Of course, I learned quickly that isn't the case. Thankfully, PaulsoaresJr, the man who inspired me to get started with all this (and got me into Minecraft), explained the process he went through regularly to his viewers, even going so far as to record the process he goes through to record and edit hit footage.
Edit.
I had no idea how much work some of the bigger (and frankly better) YouTubers were putting into their videos. It wasn't so simple as record and upload. No, most of them recorded hours of footage, whittled it down into manageable chunks, added whatever touches they felt were needed, rendered out the footage, compressed the footage, created thumbnails, created descriptions, and THEN uploaded the footage to YouTube.
It turned out to be an intensely time-consuming process, one that I hadn't completely thought through.
Of course, there was a bigger issue in regards to getting going with the idea of recording my gameplay: I didn't have a computer to record with. I hit Ebay, scouring the site for a laptop that I thought could handle the load and eventually settled on bidding on an HP Compaq Presario with Nvidia graphics. It seemed like it would work, but I wasn't completely sure as I didn't really do the research necessary ahead of time.
I won the bid, paid for the laptop, and upon receiving it, installed Minecraft and FRAPS, a recording software, on it. I booted everything up and learned very quickly I had NO clue what I had gotten myself into.
My game didn't run well without FRAPS, but really took a beating once the recording software started. This of course was because I was using an older laptop that had didn't have a very good video card in it. It simply wasn't going to be able to run the game at high settings and record.
Luckily, I learned of a mod called Optifine that allowed me to get the most out of the game while recording with a fairly steady framerate. I wasn't getting anything remarkable, but I could get it in the 20-25 FPS (frames per second) for the most part, which was acceptable.
I didn't have a mic, and much like the laptop, didn't invest much into it as I bought a super cheap $10 headset thinking that would be adequate.
Like with the laptop, I was dreadfully wrong. The audio was horrible, often providing tremendous feedback and buzzing while I was recording, making it hard to hear.
That didn't deter me though, and I made the most of my experience while I played and recorded. I started off using Windows Movie Maker as my editor, which helped me learn the basics of editing. Of course, I wasn't very good at it and I was limited in what I could do, but I was doing my best and occasionally, people would comment with advice.
Eventually, I realized I was going to have to upgrade my equipment and software if my channel was ever going to get noticed. Sure, I could promote myself and get people to watch, but the truth was, most weren't going to put up with poor frame rates and bad audio. Top it off with lackluster editing, and you don't have much that's appealing.
The first thing I did was get a new mic. I purchased an Audio Technica ATR2500 USB mic that improved things substantially once I figured out how to set it up correctly. Of course, it didn't improve things all the way as a downside to using laptops to record is the loud fan that most have. That aside, my audio was better, which at least made the videos somewhat tolerable.
I then went ahead and purchased Sony Movie Studio 11, which allowed me greater freedom with editing, even if I had to learn a whole lot of new things that Movie Maker didn't explain. I had access to better titles, transitions, and effects, and I sought to use them even though it wasn't necessary. I learned that a fancier editor meant longer render times, and also required me to get a compressor since the files were pretty big. I also had to remember to disable the resampling that Movie Studio did automatically, causing a motion blur effect.
About a year and a half ago, the next major upgrade took place, a move that greatly enhanced what I could do with my channel.
I bought a better laptop, one that was much better at handling more games, better recording software (I now use Dxtory because it allows me to split game audio from my commentary), and more powerful editing software.
My HP Envy won't blow anyone away, but if you watch videos prior to March of 2014 (excluding the first MesaBuilt episodes), then watch videos afterwards, you can tell the difference the laptop has made. I've even been able to record certain games at 60FPS (30FPS has been the standard for years now), although that takes longer to render out.
I was gifted Adobe Premiere Pro from a close friend, which was vastly different, yet similar to editing in Movie Studio. I also have learned to get a bit better with Photoshop, thus improving my thumbnails. I've learned how to edit videos better, not overdo things, and improve the commentary (now with an Audio Technica AT2020USB+ mic).
Yet my videos could still be better.
One day, I'll have a powerful desktop PC. I'll be able to record at minimum 1080p 60FPS without a loud laptop fan causing me to have to do a ton of audio editing. I'll have the ability to record and stream any game I want, only limited by time, not resources.
But right now, I can't complain too much. I can stream if I want (daveycracker80 on Twitch) and can record most games comfortably. I've upgraded my hard drive, added external storage, added a full HD web cam, and have improved as an editor.
But I'm always learning, always trying to figure out new and better ways to do things.
3 years ago, FPS didn't mean much to me. I had no idea how to put transitions into a video, how to find a good balance between voice audio and background music, how to make a thumbnail (or how to use Photoshop for that matter), what to talk about in my videos, or how to get my videos out to the masses.
While my channel hasn't grown much, I feel I have grown a lot as a gamer, as a video editor, and have a pretty good understanding of what I would have to do differently if there's a next time.
Will there be a next time? It depends. If I end up being in position to buy/build a more powerful PC, I will relaunch my YouTube channel. I would keep the old channel up (maybe use it strictly for Vlogs?) to preserve the older videos, but I wouldn't be bringing much older content over with me (with the exception of any series that are in process at the time of switching over). The art would likely stay similar to how it is now, but maybe with a refreshed look and new ideas on what games I'd record and how I carry myself on the channel.
This is likely at least a year or so away, as I don't anticipate having the money for a new PC anytime soon (there are FAR more pressing things to worry about short-term), but it's something that I'll be keeping in the back of my mind for the future.
My stream would likely only receive a matching refresh of art (which is in flux anyway since I keep changing my mind on how I want things to look) as I'm satisfied with how I've started with streaming, even if it's super infrequent (and not likely to resume until after I move in the future).
I doubt I'll ever be much of a big name on YouTube, and that's fine with me. I don't do it for accolades or to get a ton of viewers. I do it because it's fun to think that someone, somewhere might watch me play a game, and possibly enjoy it. I don't care if I become a big name or not, because frankly the odds aren't good. Too many people are trying to do it and be the next big name, so it's hard to get your voice heard.
For now, I'm going to enjoy the process when I get a chance to do it. Recording games is fun, editing can be fun, and I enjoy when I do get feedback on my videos.
Maybe some day I'll be in position to do unboxing videos, give things away, and be sponsored by a company or two, but if not, I'll make the most of the views I do get and try to have as much fun as I can.
3 years ago I started on a journey into YouTube that I don't regret. I went from knowing virtually nothing to at least being competent with this hobby that I picked up. I've learned a lot from the process and hope to continue to grow as a content creator in the future.
Thanks for reading and if you've watched any of my content, thanks for the view!
I had very little knowledge of what I would need to do to get started with recording game footage. From afar, I initially had the impression that you had either a card or software on your computer that recorded what you did and you just could drop it on YouTube without even breaking a sweat.
Of course, I learned quickly that isn't the case. Thankfully, PaulsoaresJr, the man who inspired me to get started with all this (and got me into Minecraft), explained the process he went through regularly to his viewers, even going so far as to record the process he goes through to record and edit hit footage.
Edit.
I had no idea how much work some of the bigger (and frankly better) YouTubers were putting into their videos. It wasn't so simple as record and upload. No, most of them recorded hours of footage, whittled it down into manageable chunks, added whatever touches they felt were needed, rendered out the footage, compressed the footage, created thumbnails, created descriptions, and THEN uploaded the footage to YouTube.
It turned out to be an intensely time-consuming process, one that I hadn't completely thought through.
Of course, there was a bigger issue in regards to getting going with the idea of recording my gameplay: I didn't have a computer to record with. I hit Ebay, scouring the site for a laptop that I thought could handle the load and eventually settled on bidding on an HP Compaq Presario with Nvidia graphics. It seemed like it would work, but I wasn't completely sure as I didn't really do the research necessary ahead of time.
I won the bid, paid for the laptop, and upon receiving it, installed Minecraft and FRAPS, a recording software, on it. I booted everything up and learned very quickly I had NO clue what I had gotten myself into.
My game didn't run well without FRAPS, but really took a beating once the recording software started. This of course was because I was using an older laptop that had didn't have a very good video card in it. It simply wasn't going to be able to run the game at high settings and record.
Luckily, I learned of a mod called Optifine that allowed me to get the most out of the game while recording with a fairly steady framerate. I wasn't getting anything remarkable, but I could get it in the 20-25 FPS (frames per second) for the most part, which was acceptable.
I didn't have a mic, and much like the laptop, didn't invest much into it as I bought a super cheap $10 headset thinking that would be adequate.
Like with the laptop, I was dreadfully wrong. The audio was horrible, often providing tremendous feedback and buzzing while I was recording, making it hard to hear.
That didn't deter me though, and I made the most of my experience while I played and recorded. I started off using Windows Movie Maker as my editor, which helped me learn the basics of editing. Of course, I wasn't very good at it and I was limited in what I could do, but I was doing my best and occasionally, people would comment with advice.
Eventually, I realized I was going to have to upgrade my equipment and software if my channel was ever going to get noticed. Sure, I could promote myself and get people to watch, but the truth was, most weren't going to put up with poor frame rates and bad audio. Top it off with lackluster editing, and you don't have much that's appealing.
The first thing I did was get a new mic. I purchased an Audio Technica ATR2500 USB mic that improved things substantially once I figured out how to set it up correctly. Of course, it didn't improve things all the way as a downside to using laptops to record is the loud fan that most have. That aside, my audio was better, which at least made the videos somewhat tolerable.
I then went ahead and purchased Sony Movie Studio 11, which allowed me greater freedom with editing, even if I had to learn a whole lot of new things that Movie Maker didn't explain. I had access to better titles, transitions, and effects, and I sought to use them even though it wasn't necessary. I learned that a fancier editor meant longer render times, and also required me to get a compressor since the files were pretty big. I also had to remember to disable the resampling that Movie Studio did automatically, causing a motion blur effect.
About a year and a half ago, the next major upgrade took place, a move that greatly enhanced what I could do with my channel.
I bought a better laptop, one that was much better at handling more games, better recording software (I now use Dxtory because it allows me to split game audio from my commentary), and more powerful editing software.
My HP Envy won't blow anyone away, but if you watch videos prior to March of 2014 (excluding the first MesaBuilt episodes), then watch videos afterwards, you can tell the difference the laptop has made. I've even been able to record certain games at 60FPS (30FPS has been the standard for years now), although that takes longer to render out.
I was gifted Adobe Premiere Pro from a close friend, which was vastly different, yet similar to editing in Movie Studio. I also have learned to get a bit better with Photoshop, thus improving my thumbnails. I've learned how to edit videos better, not overdo things, and improve the commentary (now with an Audio Technica AT2020USB+ mic).
Yet my videos could still be better.
One day, I'll have a powerful desktop PC. I'll be able to record at minimum 1080p 60FPS without a loud laptop fan causing me to have to do a ton of audio editing. I'll have the ability to record and stream any game I want, only limited by time, not resources.
But right now, I can't complain too much. I can stream if I want (daveycracker80 on Twitch) and can record most games comfortably. I've upgraded my hard drive, added external storage, added a full HD web cam, and have improved as an editor.
But I'm always learning, always trying to figure out new and better ways to do things.
3 years ago, FPS didn't mean much to me. I had no idea how to put transitions into a video, how to find a good balance between voice audio and background music, how to make a thumbnail (or how to use Photoshop for that matter), what to talk about in my videos, or how to get my videos out to the masses.
While my channel hasn't grown much, I feel I have grown a lot as a gamer, as a video editor, and have a pretty good understanding of what I would have to do differently if there's a next time.
Will there be a next time? It depends. If I end up being in position to buy/build a more powerful PC, I will relaunch my YouTube channel. I would keep the old channel up (maybe use it strictly for Vlogs?) to preserve the older videos, but I wouldn't be bringing much older content over with me (with the exception of any series that are in process at the time of switching over). The art would likely stay similar to how it is now, but maybe with a refreshed look and new ideas on what games I'd record and how I carry myself on the channel.
This is likely at least a year or so away, as I don't anticipate having the money for a new PC anytime soon (there are FAR more pressing things to worry about short-term), but it's something that I'll be keeping in the back of my mind for the future.
My stream would likely only receive a matching refresh of art (which is in flux anyway since I keep changing my mind on how I want things to look) as I'm satisfied with how I've started with streaming, even if it's super infrequent (and not likely to resume until after I move in the future).
I doubt I'll ever be much of a big name on YouTube, and that's fine with me. I don't do it for accolades or to get a ton of viewers. I do it because it's fun to think that someone, somewhere might watch me play a game, and possibly enjoy it. I don't care if I become a big name or not, because frankly the odds aren't good. Too many people are trying to do it and be the next big name, so it's hard to get your voice heard.
For now, I'm going to enjoy the process when I get a chance to do it. Recording games is fun, editing can be fun, and I enjoy when I do get feedback on my videos.
Maybe some day I'll be in position to do unboxing videos, give things away, and be sponsored by a company or two, but if not, I'll make the most of the views I do get and try to have as much fun as I can.
3 years ago I started on a journey into YouTube that I don't regret. I went from knowing virtually nothing to at least being competent with this hobby that I picked up. I've learned a lot from the process and hope to continue to grow as a content creator in the future.
Thanks for reading and if you've watched any of my content, thanks for the view!
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